Pre-cana at Espousal Retreat House review

megandjay

Overall- a great experience and I am glad we had to do it!

Pros- it was fairly short 5:30-9:30pm Sat night and 9-5 on Sunday. Good worksheets for self reflection and couples sharing. Beautiful setting- we were able to go outside when meeting privately with FI. The priest was funny and had a lot of experience/stories to share. The food (lunch on Sunday and snacks the whole time) was good.

Cons- It was way too many couples- 65! We spent the majority of the time listening to lectures by married couples and the priest. The main set up was listen to a presentation for 30 min, then 10 min for personal reflection (on the worksheets) and then 15 min to meet with your FI and discuss the topic. Really, the focus should have been much more on the couples personal reflection and sharing. There were also a some group discussions with other couples, but these were short and not very productive- more joking/not serious.

Other con- the short speech railing against birth control and prenatal genetic testing- and supporting only Natural Family Planning. I actually want to look more into NFP, but didn't appreciate the scare tactics about birth control. But I was not surprised about this part either.

I think we had an opportunity to really focus on our relationship and talk about the 'tough' things. Nothing came up that we had not discussed, but it was nice to really think and devote time to each other, I really feel that it strengthened our relationship.

I would strongly recommend pre-martial prep for anyone, it really was a helpful experience. For pre-cana, I might suggest trying someplace with smaller groups than Espousal, but it was still a positive overall (not bad by any means).

EKobrenski

Too funny! We were there.  Overall I really liked and I liked the priest and married couples a lot.  I feel like it was more geared toward newer couples- FI and I had talked about almost all of the topics they gave us on the work sheets. But def worthwhile

I actually didn't think they really railed on the NFP/birth control/genetic testing thing.  For a Catholic sponsored event, I thought they were pretty moderate and reasonable. I mean, they're pretty much required to tell you that and I thought they put it in a non-judgemental way (although I didn't agree with them for the most part).  I went to Catholic school for 12 years, and it can be much, much worse. 

My only big gripe: the heavier couple in front of us who was like fondling each other the whole time.  They were even cuddling during the prayers.  Yuck.  Also the lame, cliche answers people were shouting out during the group discussions.

Arez16

Not to invade on your review, but my FI and I were there as well....so I thought another review might help!

I was VERY surprised at the amount of people there! I thought that if less people were there it would have felt a little more personal. At times, I felt that even when you had your "alone time" with FI you could still hear others people's conversations and it really took away from it. 

I did not enjoy the group discussion at all. I felt like I was in school again.

The married couples that presented did a good job in my opinion. Although, sometimes I felt like they focused more on themselves than on how sharing (whatever they were sharing) would be of use to us.

I did expect it to be a lot more focused on religion than it really was. FI was grateful for that as he is not Catholic. We both loved Father Bob and thought he was really good. 

I thought the Natural Family Planning information was interesting as well and might look into it. However, I do not think the couple discussing it was trying to scare people out of birth control. The wife was on it and had bad side effects and just wanted to share them as a caution. I appreciated it as I am not on the pill (nor do I want to go on it) because I am afraid of the negative impact it may have on my body. Although I do think they were are little strong on the "you shouldn't test your child" part.

Overall, I think it was a good program but would probably choose a program with less people in attendance if I could do it again. I am not a a fan of big groups of people and would have preferred a more intimate/personal atmosphere.

EKobrenski

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_pre-cana-espousal-retreat-house-review?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:1dc7deac-62f0-43ca-b15f-fcf160c77adcPost:01eccc97-f5d0-49f0-b9e1-d85e2116275b">Re: Pre-cana at Espousal Retreat House review</a>:
[QUOTE]  I did not enjoy the group discussion at all. I felt like I was in school again. Posted by Arez16[/QUOTE]

Yes, that was the one part I didn't like!  I did think it was a little big, but I kind of like to blend in ;)

Arez16

Ekob - We were in the front row! We couldn't really blend in haha I am a shy person, I don't like big groups...

At dinner the 3 other couples we sat with were so chatty, I whispered to FI that I wanted to go walk outside and then told him I thought it was strange that these strangers just started sharing all these things about their lives/wedding and I didn't want to join in. Then FI pointed out that I do it on the Knot! haha I was like uhhhh thats different?

megandjay

No, I agree, it could have been a lot more religious. Overall, I was happy with the experience. And def agree Father Bob was great.

I wish it had been smaller and more time focused on the couple (instead of the married presenters) though.

Did you guys go outside at all? The grounds were beautiful and it was such a nice day!

Arez16

How couldn't you go outside!!! It was so nice out! The grounds were nice and I can only imagine what they look like in the spring/summer when everything is blossomed and green!

FI was like this would probably be a nice site for e-pics.... I was like wait...did you just think like a bride? haha

EKobrenski

LOL we sat in the back and went to Wagon Wheel for lunch so we kind of didnt talk to too many people.

doobietala

We also went there for our pre-cana, but we went back in September and there were probably only 20 couples or so.  I think if you go in the off season (well before summer weddings) you should be fine. 

I really liked the structure of the pre-cana and the fact that there wasn't so much "Catholic" talk.  Father Bob did some presentations, but it was more focused on the couples and their experiences.  I really enjoyed having that designated time to talk to FI about life issues and our future.  It was just the right setting to talk about things we wanted in the future but without too much pressure. 

The couple that talked about NFP did not elaborate too much on it and I was actually surprised that they didn't harp too much on the no birth control thing.  I left there wanting to know more about NFP as I hate being on the pill, not to mention that it sounds like a good tool when you acutally do want to get pregnant.

I think it really depends which session you go to (i.e. each session has different couples presenting), but I would highly recommend this place!