Diloma with soon to be mother -in -law

tecah123

So my in laws want to throw me a big bridal  shower when I've asked for a small one.
There giving me a budget of like 3,000 for my venue and that budget is also going towards my bridal shower. My parents are giving us 20,000 my budget can I really get married on my parents budget alone? Please help alittle stressed out my inlaws are stressing me out.     Anyone else in this boat.  I just feel its so wrong that my inlaws are invinting so many people to our wedding and hasn't offered to pay for any onf them. Their killing me . Thanks adavance stressed bride . 

vtbm

Welcome to my world:) My parents have given us a very generous budget and everything above and beyond that we are paying for. My future in laws also think it's acceptable to add their second and third cousins (well not really but you get my point!). My fiance told them they had to make cuts unless they were willing to contribute to the budget (they made the cuts). One tip...let him handle his parents!! A major problem we had is his parents are VERY old school (and oddly not very old). They still think a bride's parents throw a big wedding. They almost died when they realized how much it was costing us on top of what my parents were contributing. If it makes you feel better, my mother is paying for our entire bridal shower too. Also, you can plan a wedding on $20,000. Choose your venue wisely and try to keep your guest list down. Good luck!

kelmarfar

You can absolutely throw a wedding for $20K if you are smart and plan well.  Also, is it an option for you and FI to cover any costs?  My DH and I paid for our entire wedding for 150ish guests for around $25K.   We did have some splurges- open bar, a moderately priced photographer, etc, but I did a lot of DIY, did non-floral centerpieces, chose prime rib and chicken for meals instead of filet mignon, etc.  Our venue was amazingly beautiful ans surprisingly affordable.   Everyone in both of our families is still raving about what a great wedding we had. 

I also agree with PP that said let your FI deal with his mother.  It will make your life much easier.  You'd be amazed how quickly their list gets cut down when you ask them to buck up. 

mcononico

I am in the same boat. My FILs have not contributed a dime to the wedding and have almost as many guests as my mother. My mom has given a very generous budget and FI and I are contributing a substantial amount as well. Granted we are splurging on a lot but I think a $20k wedding is definitely do-able.

If I were in your situation though I wouldn't let my FMIL bully me into a big shower if I wanted a small one unless she was willing to contribute seperately for the shower.
Like the other ladies have said talk to FI about it and have him handle his parents.

GL... sometimes it stinks dealing with in-laws. Hope it gets better for you!

tecah123

Thanks everyone for your support much appreciated. I feel his parents are throwing me something I don't want especially since I'm having a shower in NY as well why need a big one here in Boston. My friend said to me who is the party for you or them? I'm starting to think it's for them. I will take your advice letting my FI deal with his parents he is also getting fustrated with them. Thanks

EM619

Spelling and grammar check.

jkepros

I can't help much because we paid for everything ourselves, and the issues we had weren't so much with the parents, but with DH's grandmother, but we didn't let ANYONE invite anyone.  WE took suggestions from both sides, but then hubby and I handpicked every guest.  It took us about 5 times going through the list over several weeks (months?) to come up with a final version (it was reduced from 350+ to 150!), and in the end we ended up with just 1 mad relative who wasn't invited (I think she's my father-in-law's cousin or aunt or something), but no one else who wasn't invited seemed to mind (at least, we didn't hear about it!).  But it was good bc if someone asked my mother-in-law or grandmother-in-law why so-and-so wasn't invited they were able to just say, "the bride and groom made the guest list, ask them"--and they weren't "blamed" for someone not being invited (which is what I think they were worried about). 

I will always advise the bride & groom to stand their ground.  It's THEIR party.  If the parents are 100% paying for it, sure, let them invite some people, but really, it's not a party for the parents.  It's a celebration of their child getting married, and people important to their CHILD should be there.  Not necessarily relatives no one has seen in 20 years or their ex-coworkers who are still on their holiday card list.

We stood our ground with every aspect of our wedding, and in the end we got the day we wanted with the people there who we love--and everyone said it was one of the best/most fun/most unique weddings they'd been to, and really reflected us.  I HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU DO THE SAME!

And for the shower, try to do the same thing.  I told my MIL that I wanted like 30 people there, and we should just do pizza at grandmother-in-law's house...everyone complained that it wasn't "enough"--but in the end they all LOVED it and raved how great it was that there wasn't 100 people there!!  Sometimes people think you just are being modest or don't want to spend their money, and don't realize you really do just want a smaller event that is more you. 

Good luck!!!