Massachusetts-Boston

Hair issue - I know it's dumb but it is bugging me...

Okay, I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but here goes anyway.  I am having a hair stylist come to the hotel to do our hair the morning of the wedding.  I can't afford to pay for my BM's hair, so I offered her services, but it is not required.  A few girls are taking her up on it, including my sister.  I need to find out how they want to wear their hair so that the stylist can budget her time.

I'm doing my hair half up-half down in a very soft, romantic look.  I don't care what my girls do with their hair, except my sister emailed to say she'll either do an updo or half-up half down.  Now, we're Indian and my sister and I look like twins (seriously, even family asks us if we are twins).  I know I shouldn't care, but I really don't want her to have the same hair style as me.  She hasn't decided yet, and I know that since I'm not paying, I can't tell her not to do the same thing as me.  But it is really bothering me and I don't think she's going to decide until the day of.  I know I can tell my stylist to make sure it is different, but it still irrationally is stressing me out.  I just kind of want my style to be different!  Especially since we look so similar.

Sigh.  Okay, what you guys think?

Re: Hair issue - I know it's dumb but it is bugging me...

  • Shazzie116Shazzie116 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I don't think it's irrational at all. I had similar feelings when a few of my BMs sent me hair pics that were close to the style I wanted. I am certain your stylist will not give your BMs hair that is similar to yours, even if they request it. If you're really concerned, talk to you stylist, and maybe even mention to your sister that you'd prefer the updo on her. 

    However, on the day when you're all done up and you're in your dress with veil and everything, know that you will not look as similar as you think. No one will mistake your sister for you! :)
  • edited December 2011

    Are you close with your sister?  My sister will be my MOH as well and because she is my sister I wouldn't think twice about just saying in a non-bitchy way, hey do mind doing your hair up? I would rather us not have the same hair styles, I want to look different from the rest of the bridal party.
       That being said my sister and I are extremely close and I know she wouldn't get offended or upset by the request and I wouldn't if she were to ask me the same thing in reverse roles.  Now if it wasn't my sister I wouldn't say anything but my relationship is completely different with her so I don't think its a big deal to just mention it to her.
       Do you think your sister would get upset if you said something?

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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with pp. No one is going to confuse your sister for you! But if it really does bug you that much and you have a good relationship, I would just say, hey sis would you mind a different hairstyle? Thanks and I love you bunches!
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  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, I'm not sure.  We are also really close, but sometimes competitive in a stupid sibling rivalry sort of way.  So it is one of those things that could either be fine, or she might think I'm trying to keep her from "looking her best' that day.  I also guess I just don't want to seem petty.  Shazzie is right that I know we won't look the same so I know I'm being kind of silly.  I guess I just wish she would realize it on her own.  it is funny, because I really dont' care about anyone else (my american friends) because we look different just by virtue of skin tone/hair color.  But since my sis and I already look like twins, I just don't want that on that one day.

    Ugh... I also feel like if I ask her to do her hair a certain way, I should really pay for it, but I really can't afford to.
  • edited December 2011
    I think that you shouldn't stress at all, stress leads to bad vibes all the way around. If you know you hairstylist will be doing both you and your sister's hair, just let her know that you wish yours to be a little different. Your hairdresser will understand that this is your special day and will accomodate you.

    Don't sweat the small stuff!

    And best wishes on your special day.Smile
  • Shazzie116Shazzie116 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Another thing for a little perspective...we tend to overthink and overworry about things for our own weddings that no one will even blink at. Looking back at my own planning, I spent the Thursday night before dropping everything off at our venue straightening and perfecting the ribbon bows that tied our favor cookie bags, because I didn't think my SIL and aunt did a good enough job. Over 100 little bows, I went crazy over. No one cared. And on my wedding day, neither did I. 

    And here's something fun regarding another concern I frequently see: brides who are worried about guests wearing white to their wedding. Here's a wedding that I think blows the whole notion of being overshadowed out of the water: 



  • EM619EM619 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I would say something, unless you think it would cause a big issue!  Just ask.  Actually, even after going through the whole wedding thing, I might not think of that on my own as a BM, but if a friend asked me nicely, I would happily change.  I guess put yourself in her shoes...how would you react if she asked? 

    Also,  I think it would only be an issue if you demanded she not have her hair the same way.  But I bet you won't even notice on the day even if your hair is exactly the same. 
  • EM619EM619 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Shazz, I've been drooling over that wedding all lunch hour.
  • njlfrednjlfred member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    That's tough.

    I know you don't want to ask your sister to do her hair a certain way, but would it be possible to ask her to do it any way she would like as long as it doesn't look like what you are doing?  I'm not sure if you have an inspiration picture or anything to share with her.  At least then you are not dictating. 

    Or could you tell the stylist that you'd prefer that no one has the same exact hairstyle as you do?

    Anyway, I'm sure day of not matter what, you will stand out.

  • Shazzie116Shazzie116 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    EM, I know, I saw it first thing this morning and it was like a breath of fresh air. 
  • jay10jay10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think they stylist will not do her hair anything like yours and if your sister requests it, I think any stylist would say em .....no, you cant have the same as the bride......plus it wil save you having to do it - dont worry, you will stand out way more as the bride, regardless of hair :)
  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks guys!  You all made me feel much better about it.  I was emailing with sis about hair, so I put in a subtle comment that I don't care how she wears her hear, but I prefer it is not the same as mine.  I'm sure it will be fine!  And, yeah, I'll just tell my stylist to not give anyone the same do as mine!

    On the good side, I had my hair trial last night and it was *awesome*!!  I'll add pics to my bio tonight!
  • edited December 2011
    Shaz I never thought I would like an all white wedding but that is gorgeous!! 
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