Hello! New To The Boards! - Looking for advice...

abilifyme

Hi Ladies,

I'm not newly engaged, but my sister just got married this fall and so FI and I decided to put off our planning until she had her wedding.  She and I are very different people and will inevitably have very different weddings.  She did the whole traditional, ballroom wedding...I want something competely different.

A friend of mine just bought a gorgeous home (west of the city) and has offered it to us for the wedding.  Her yard is beautifully manicured and, with the addition of a tent, would be the perfect, intimate venue for our wedding. 

However, my future in-laws feel that an at-home venue is not the proper choice for a fall wedding.  That trying to coordinate and get everything set up would be more trouble than its worth.  The thing is, we already have a wedding planner/designer (we are using the one my sister used), so we assumed they'd handle all of the logistics.

I really love my friend's home and she's so gracious to offer it.  I just can't imagine turning around and telling her we are going elsewhere (which is what my future in-laws would like us to do). I feel that we should stick to our guns and go with the original plan, but my FI is thinking we should consider changing venue (to make the parents happy).

Just wondering what you gals would do in this situation.  Thanks for listening!

eouellet

If you do decide to go elsewhere for the wedding itself, maybe you could still take your friend up on her offer and host the rehearsal dinner at her house?  

Regardless, you and your FI should do what you really want to do and try not to let your worries about your friend's or your in-laws feelings get in the way.  There's no pleasing EVERYONE in a situation like this, but the most important people in this equation are you and your FI.

LexiMS

I think you should have the wedding that you want.  That being said, I think you need to figure out why you FILs are concerned about the wedding being at your friends house.  I have found throughout the planning process that everyone has feelings that they may or may not be sharing with you.  Is the wedding you are planning not what they always visualize?  Do they worry that the guest list will be small and they can't invite their friends? Or are they truly concerned about the logistics, in which case, you should be able to assure them that the planners will take care of that aspect. 

Beantown Mama

The best piece of advice I got when starting to plan my wedding was to not try to make everyone else happy, because I was going to drive myself crazy and you will too. It's your wedding and you do what you and Fi want. Planning an at-home wedding is a ton of work, but if you have a planner working on it and are confident that it's not going to drive you insane, I say go for it. Kindly explain to his parents together that you really just want an intimate gathering and you appreciate their opinion. Dealing with everyone else that is involved in your wedding can be tough, so I just stopped listening and went with what Fi and I love and want for ourseves and not anyone else.

spuccio

You have already gotten some really good advice. What Lexi said is particularly true, and I experienced this myself with my own mom. She was dissenting about a lot of our wedding choices, but it wasn't really about the choices themselves. Sometimes its a reflection of some anxiety or disappointment the parents are going through.

I think it is important for you to have the wedding that you and FI want. If you go forward to with a wedding that doesn't speak to your personalities, you will resent the inlaws later---not a good situation for anyone. Think about wedding planning as a microcosm of your future family relations. How you deal with your FI and your inlaws on this might set the tone for future relationships. Invest in an honest, sincere conversation about what is important to you and your FI with the inlaws, and see where it goes.

Welcome to the boards and good luck!

EKobrenski

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_hello-new-boards-looking-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:89Discussion:a1bd3fd2-ae54-4b5b-a20e-81fe24ba5ebePost:84dfd797-884c-4ecb-86ad-a2ed469f39a0">Re: Hello! New To The Boards! - Looking for advice...</a>:
[QUOTE].  I have found throughout the planning process that everyone has feelings that they may or may not be sharing with you.  Posted by LexiMS[/QUOTE]

So true!  I would get to the bottom of it, but ultimately, you should have the wedding that both of you want.

foolforfood

Are the inlaws contributing financially? 

erilouboston

Agree with all the advice you've gotten. We were in a similar situation, where no one was too keen on our ideas for a Halloween cocktail reception - but we did it anyways and now people say it's the best wedding they've ever been to. We were lucky that my parents just wrote us a check, offered advice but didn't pressure us into anything - even when they weren't sold on the decisions we were making at the time. I think many times people lose sight that, bottom line, it's about what you and FI want - you are the ones who have to live with the memories of the day for the rest of your lives. I don't subscribe to the belief that the wedding is for the guests/honeymoon is for the two of you (and I'll get flamed for this I'm sure) - the wedding is an expression of who YOU and your FI are, not what anyone else wants FOR you. 

abilifyme

Thanks for all the advice ladies...I really appreciate it!

I will try and talk to my FMIL to figure out why she is opposed to the at-home idea.  I suspect that she is concerned it will not be as elegant or "well-done" as it should be (she and her husband are rather uppity folks).  And no, they are not contributing financially to the wedding (we are doing it all ourselves - yea!).

It's fascinating how wedding planning goes, as far as other people's opinions.  We are just getting started with everything and have already run into snags about budget, etiquette, who is coming (you name it!).

Anyway, thanks so much again.  I alm leaning toward sticking with the original plan and making it as nice as possible for our guests.

janibride

I agree, you can't please everybody.  My college friend had a fall wedding ceremony at her grandparents house, and then the reception in her parents backyard under a tent.  it was fabulous!  here's her highlights video

http://vimeo.com/2699910

Greylady

We just had a house reception this past September - we are so glad we did that instead of renting a hall - we were able to stay later - have people hang out much more our style.  So I would say do the house thing, you'll appreciate it. 

You can also make it elegant - check out our wedding video here to see how our house wedding looked - (skip ahead 3 min to the reception part):

http://vimeo.com/7770950