Change of Plan

llamallamaduck

So, my fiance and I had one of those Big and Scary conversations, in which we realised that we were both going ahead with the big family wedding idea because it's what we thought the other wanted and actually neither of us were exactly stoked by the idea. So now we're delaying the "wedding"/party/celebration/excuse to drink too much Tequila Rose and get silly until such a time as we can afford something fun and cool which we're both going to be happy with. But, we want to get married asap so we can submit immigration forms as I'm British, here on a J1 visa while working at summer camp and I want to live here permanently. Can anyone shed any light on how to get married without any pomp and ceremony? Think how Big and Carrie eventually got married in a tiny JoP wedding at the end of the first SATC movie! Any help would be much appreciated. I could do this at home, but have no clue here, and my fiance is the uber-boy and has no idea how girlie things like weddings work...

thedivaone

Oh, ok.  First of all, I am not a lawyer.  This is not legal advice.  That being said, I have experience with friends who have come here while working and gotten married or who have gotten married while here and then had to deal with the legal issues.

If you get married while you are on the J1 you will have to file for a green card/resident alien status immediately.  If you leave the country while things are in motion on processing your status they generally won't let you back in.  If you get married after your J1 expires you are considered here illegally and things can get ugly.  In short, you should consult a lawyer.  Things should be much easier for your FH once you have established your status via legal marriage here, you have your green card, and then can go back to the UK (that's where you're from, right?) where it just takes a form and a fee, IIRC.

My company recently went through this with an employee we hired.  If you want to PM me I can get the name of that lawyer who did it and email it to you. 

As far as the JP goes, you should be able to apply for a marriage license in any city in MA and then arrange to be married by a JP for a small fee.  IIRC, in MA you can also be married by any person who is "ordained for the day" and also, I think, a notary public, but I'd have to check on that.

Whatever you end up doing, good luck and please PM me if I can help you out at all.  I know WAY too many lawyers. 

Shazzie116

I think that's fabulous that you're staying true to yourselves and what you want as a couple.

How big or small do you really want it? Just parents and immediate family? What if you did a small Saturday or Sunday morning ceremony with a JOP and host a brunch? No need for first dances, cake and booze. You could create a bit of a theme around the brunch with your decor and food. I see a lot of smaller, intimate wedding ideas on places like Style Me Pretty and Green Wedding Shoes' websites.

You could take some fun pictures together that day and send one to friends and relatives announcing your marriage!

vtbm

I think a brunch is a fabulous idea! Maybe a jazz brunch?? I bet one of the hotels would do an amazing one! Good idea! I also know someone who did something very small at Mistral. They were married there and had their closest family/friends for dinner. I did not attend but heard it was great!

Nomer

Honestly, do what comes to your mind first and keep it as small as possible. The less stress and money, the better.
We just got married about two weeks ago, alone, on the top of a beautiful grassy hill a few minutes away from our house. It was a perfect day and the ceremony took all of ten minutes. I had a zit on my face and I didn't even care. It was so beautiful and so stress free.
I think we are going to do a big party later when we have saved some money, but we also just wanted to take the stress and jitters of getting married out of our wedding day. We wanted the wedding to be about our relationship and not about the party- and that is exactly what it was like. I couldn't be happier with how it went.
Basically, decide if you want immediate family there or if you wanna go it alone and have the day be just about the two of you. Then, write your own vows or find some that are really you, have a reading that speaks to you about your relationship (maybe just song lyrics read like a poem), and focus on why you are getting married instead of what you want your wedding to be like.
Good luck with everything and I hope you have a perfect day!

llamallamaduck

Thank you for all of your ideas, but that doesnt quite answer my query. I know that right now we just want to be married, no ceremony, no guests, no reception. I have no idea how to go about it, or what we need to do. If I were at home I'd make an appointment with the registry office and set a date that way, but here I don't know what I need to do.

JBs_Bride

You just need to go to a town hall or city hall, apply for a marriage license. After 3 days, you can get married in front of a judge. )  When I was at Boston city hall a couple of weeks ago, there was a couple in front of me doing this and the registrar gave them the number of a judge so they could schedule the ceremony.

llamallamaduck

Thank you! Do we need to go to the  town hall of where we want to be married, or can we go anywhere in the state?

JBs_Bride

You can get your license at any town/city hall in MA (doesn't have to be the town or city you're getting married in).

llamallamaduck

Thank you so much for your help. If I can get over the Big and Scary-ness of the situation, we're going to go to the town hall tomorrow to apply for a license!

JBs_Bride

You're welcome! I'm glad I could help. )

And congratulations on applying for your marriage license tomorrow!