My mom couldn't possibly care less...

kstevens122

that I'm getting married.  To be honest, she really didn't like my fiance when she first met him.  But, we went through a very traumatic event 2 years ago that would have tested anyone's relationship.  When she saw how mature he was through it all, she decided he wasn't so bad after all.  They actually became pretty close after that.

When we first announced we were engaged, she was absolutely thrilled.  But, that was the last time I've seen her show emotion of any kind regarding our wedding.  My sister and I went dress shopping about 1 year before the wedding (which is June 5, 2010) and I found a dress the very first time.  Instead of being so excited and breaking down in tears, which is what I thought most mothers would do when they see a picture of their daughter in a wedding dress, she just looked at me coldly and asked "how do you even know that's going to fit you in a year?"  It's only been downhill from there.  Whenever I bring up any detail about the wedding, whether it's flowers or food or what-have-you, she either rolls her eyes or seems like she's in another world and can't wait for me to stop talking.  This just breaks my heart.  I really want my mom's opinion, I want her to be involved, and I want her to be excited for us.

I actually brought it up to her.  We have a very open relationship and can talk about pretty much anything.  I asked her if she didn't want me to get married (knowing how she originally felt about my fiance).  And I explained how her actions seemed from my perspective.  She adamantly insisted that wasn't the case and that she was very happy for me.  But, her reaction to anything wedding related has still been the same since then: complete disinterest.  I don't know what to think...

I just needed to get that out...

FutureMrsJRoberts

Ahhhh - HUGS!! - it sounds like you have an amazing FI and a great sister who's helping you with planning. I don't want to speculate on why your Mom seems distant but I think you're doing the right thing in telling her how you feel and sharing your plans. Could your sister ask her what's going on?

kedoo

I'm sorry to hear that too
It's hard when a family member doesn't behave exactly how you evnisioned them to behave-- let alone completely surprise you with this cold shoulder to the wedding.
Just keep telling her how you feel. Maybe she doesn't realize what she's doing? Maybe she's sad on some level that either a) you're leaving her or b) you're having a wedding or life that she never had? I'm just tossing ideas out here- no idea on her history...
I have a similar issue with my dad-- sometimes I feel like he's going to scream if he hears one more thing wedding-related. I know he's a guy and guy's don't care half as much as girls do, but he's my dad and he should be in some way interested in the wedding...

I haven't talked to him about it yet, but I've talked to my mom about how he feels... so maybe it's worth talking to your dad about it? Or maybe an aunt or other family member about how she feels? Maybe they can give some insight on what her issue may be.

Sorry to hear this that sucks and nobody should have their family members ruining your special day or planning for it...

LexiMS

That situation really stinks.  No matter what she is thinking it is clearly hurting your feelings.  While your experience is certainly more severe then mine, I often feel that mom/FMIL just don't care about the wedding.  What has helped me is to ask them for help.  I think at this point in our parents lives, nothing makes them happier then feeling that they are still "needed".  FMIL was thrilled when I asked her to sew table squares for us and my mom loved being involved in the invitation process.

kstevens122

Thank you to all of you, that's some really good advice.  I think she does secretly wish I would never get married.  But, it's because she has had 2 failed marriages of her own.  She hasn't dated anyone since she split up with my dad (15 years ago).  And she just doesn't trust men in general.  But, maybe I will try getting her more involved in the process.  I'll give her some kind of task to do, like help me pick out invitations.  Then maybe she will start to get excited.  We'll see...  (:

mcononico

Kstevens
I completely understand your situation. My mother has been the same exact way. Basically the same story as you, she didn't like FI to begin with and then things changed over time and she likes him now, when we got engaged she seemed happy but then it was downhill from there.
I finally broke down about it one night to FI after trying to talk to my mother about it and her denying it and he took the initiative to call my mom and tell her how upset I was about and how it was causing me a lot of stress and this really seemed to help a little.
They set up a time for the 3 of us to sit down and talk about some wedding stuff and now she is a little more on board.

Like you I have a very open relationship with my mom and we talk about everything, but I think when I was telling her how it hurt my feelings she brushed it off as me being a drama queen about my wedding but when FI did it, it made her realize maybe she was really doing that.

These are just suggestions for you but I hope it all works out in the end

AnnaWhite_Capo

I've been going through a similar situation on and off with my mom too. But one day she crossed my thresh hold and I lost it. Since then shes been more careful and supportive. Shes still not 100% (and mind you, she ADORES my FI) I'll take what I am getting from her now any day over what I went through before. I wish you the best of luck, I know your pain (

EKobrenski

My situation is nowhere near as bad as yours but I did have a hard time getting my mother to take an interest.  In my case, it came down to two things:

1.  My mom is just not a wedding type of person.  No matter what I say or do, she won't care about flowers or paper lanterns or save the dates.  She just isn't into "fluffy" (her words) stuff like that.   But we have been able to bond over other stuff...she really cares about making sure people eat and are comfortable, so I've gone over the menu with her and she actually suggested doing a candy bar.  She actually offered to pay for floor length linens and I was pretty shocked.  So maybe find out where her interests are...I bet she will care about food.

2.  My mom felt that she and my dad should be paying for the whole thing and was a little uncomfortable that they weren't.  I think it's a really old fashioned idea (esp when FI's family is 55% of the guest list and our friends are a good 20%)....but that was part of it. 

Good luck!  I know it's not the same as having your mom involved but it really does help to come on here and talk about your ideas.  Also, maybe find someone else to bounce ideas off of (sister, friend, FIL).