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Massachusetts-Boston

Photography Advice with a little of Venting

So I have been searching high and low for a reasonable price photographer. A friend that I went to college has been very helpful suggested a another friend as a my photographer since she has the knowledge and the equipment. However this wasn't a person who we hung out with as much but was friendly and talked from time to time. I approached this old classmate and she gave me the impression that she would love to and wouldn't mind working with the budget I gave. She said that she was going to create a special package for me since she knew me. After feeling ignored for 3 weeks before I heard from her again.I put it on Facebook that I was looking for a reasonable photographer that was not too expensive and for people let me know if they know anybod.So the next morning who do I hear from Finally BINGO I get two emails apologizing for not returning my calls and emails. I mean really should I bother? I have 6 months left and I want to have all my vendors done before the end of March/April
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Re: Photography Advice with a little of Venting

  • edited December 2011
    Did you contact her over those three weeks?

    If not, I don't think it is a big deal that se didn't get back to you.  Life happens.  If she is trying to work with you in terms of your budget, and you have not otherwise had success, I think it is definitely workable. 
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  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'd be wary of working with friends.  She most likely views this more as a favor than a business agreement.  A professional would probably be more responsive and reliable.  However, if you can't find a full time photographer who can work with your budget, it might be worth the risk.  For me, I know the photos are one of hte most improtant things to have after the wedding, so I wouldn't risk it.  You have to decide if you think it is worth the risk or not.

    If you post your budget here, I'm sure people can suggest vendors who can work with it.

    Whoever you work with, I'd definitely make sure you have a contract in place that spells out the costs, what you will get, and a time frame.  I've heard too many horror stories of people who didn't do this and then didn't get pics for over a year, etc.  It protects both of you and spells out expectations ahead of time.  Good luck!
  • edited December 2011
    Yes I was doing this durink the 3 weeks...Here is the catcher I had another friend to suggest me two photographers that she has dealt with for less than what my friend is charging me. But I don't know them only through her so now im stuck
  • edited December 2011

    Its your wedding, not hers. Its not her job to email you every week about one gig that is 6 months from now. If you are a person who needs to have a signed contract and every detail worked out ahead of time, don't rely on a "friendor". Hire a professional. Chill out.

  • edited December 2011
    I had a similar situation with a florist.  A friend of a friend promised to help, but returned my emails once every 3 or 4 weeks.  For my peace of mind, I just went ahead and booked a vendor.  I have enough to do without having to chase after someone who thought they were doing me a favor.

    Ultimately, I may be spending a little bit more, but it's well worth it in time saved and less stress.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_photography-advice-little-of-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:d3bd463e-d1d8-4b6d-94e3-be4ec76fa18dPost:71491904-4e74-4d32-9494-1f4f09966e71">Re: Photography Advice with a little of Venting</a>:
    [QUOTE]Its your wedding, not hers. Its not her job to email you every week about one gig that is 6 months from now. If you are a person who needs to have a signed contract and every detail worked out ahead of time, don't rely on a "friendor". Hire a professional. Chill out.
    Posted by spuccio[/QUOTE]


    As this is a "friendor" I can partially understand this attitude, but since she is more of an acquaintance she should act a little more professionally.  I don't think it's in any way helpful or necessary to tell the OP to chill out, though.

    I agree with the person who said she may be viewing this more as a favor than a job - I would recommend hiring someone you're sure wants your business and is committed to you.   Definitely look into the professionals who are cheaper, as long as they offer the quality you are looking for.
  • edited December 2011
    Necessary to tell her to calm down? Sure it is. Like the girl that posted here last week with her panties in a bunch, calling it an "emergency" that she couldn't decide on colors...its helpful to know whats a big deal and what isn't. When you are wrapped up in all this wedding stuff, its good to get some perspective.

    So I gave it.
  • edited December 2011
     Spuccio sounds like to me you have some other issues that you need to deal with on your own time. There is nothing wrong with someone who wants her wedding day to go successfully. Personally I can't understand how people want to build their careers and portfolios such as taking photos for weddings and don't communicate with their client or potential client. It's called Professionalism!! I am very calm in fact I am just bride to be who like to stay head of the game. Why procrastinate when you can get most of your work done now such as hiring Vendors!
  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_photography-advice-little-of-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:d3bd463e-d1d8-4b6d-94e3-be4ec76fa18dPost:71491904-4e74-4d32-9494-1f4f09966e71">Re: Photography Advice with a little of Venting</a>:
    [QUOTE]Its your wedding, not hers. Its not her job to email you every week about one gig that is 6 months from now. If you are a person who needs to have a signed contract and every detail worked out ahead of time, don't rely on a "friendor". Hire a professional. Chill out.
    Posted by spuccio[/QUOTE]

    This is a little harsh!  My photographer is a pro and she responds to every one of my emails, even though the wedding is 6 mos out.  I wouldn't hire someone who didn't get back to me in 3 weeks. 

    OP: it is your wedding, your money, so hire whoever you want.  Regardless of how you know them or if this other girl will be annoyed that you switch vendors.  Whether you use a friend or not, if you are paying for it, you have a right to hire whoever you want.  (unless of course you already signed a contract, but it doesn't sound like you have).
  • edited December 2011
    "Call me Bridezilla and watch me Smack you because it is Ms.Bridezilla to you"



    lol! Okay, sweetie!
  • megandjaymegandjay member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    So over those 3 weeks, were you calling and emailing and not getting any response? If she just said that she would get back to you, while I think 3 weeks is a long time, it is certainly not unheard of. A lot of vendors will take a couple of weeks to respond to a request. And some vendors need reminding to get back to you.

    On the other hand, I turned down a "friendor" because I don't want business to mix with social. And I wanted to make sure I had a contract. Are you getting a contract from her? If not, then ask for one, or try to find another photographer. And it sounds like you have a lot of reservations, if you were not 'friends' and had reservations, would you still book her? I think the answer to that question is your answer.
  • edited December 2011
    Um listen ladies-- ALOT of things are going to change 6 months away from your wedding day. 

    Spuccio was right to say 'chill out.'  While the OP was just 'venting' about the situation, she was also asking what to do-- sometimes folks like that really mean to say "make me feel better about this situation." 

    It just depends on how serious you are about working with this person.  you're wedding is 6 MONTHS away, it's just not that big of a deal to nail down timing, etc. now.  It sounded like you had already talked with this photographer-friend and gotten the facts out on the table (I mean, you talked budget for goodness sake), what were you trying to accomplish in the last 3 weeks?  And please don't tell me timing--- that won't even be nailed down a few weeks till the wedding...

    Before you posted your turmoil on facebook, and tried contacting her for the 3 weeks before, how did you two leave the last conversation?  Did you say "I want to stalk you every week to make sure we're still on for the wedding photography?"  I'll bet she woudln't have agreed to that.  But if you had said that I want to take some time to determine if this is the right step for me, then thats different. 

    More importantly, did you sign a contract?  Frendor or not- thats important- and will avoid conversations like her eMail back to you from a message seen on facebook. 
    [IMG]http://i52.tinypic.com/35dd952.jpg[/IMG]
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Photography Advice with a little of Venting:
     Before you posted your turmoil on facebook, and tried contacting her for the 3 weeks before, how did you two leave the last conversation?  Did you say "I want to stalk you every week to make sure we're still on for the wedding photography?"  I'll bet she woudln't have agreed to that.  But if you had said that I want to take some time to determine if this is the right step for me, then thats different.  More importantly, did you sign a contract?  Frendor or not- thats important- and will avoid conversations like her eMail back to you from a message seen on facebook. 
    Posted by evseidl[/QUOTE]

    Our exact conversation was let me work on a package for you and I will email by the end of the week!! So what does that tell you? You and Spuccio crack me up all I wanted was a package to see what she was willing to work within my budget why not tell me now so incase I don't like it I can move on to the next Vendor before my date is not available even with another photographer. Nothing is set in stone with her so I think it is even more important to contact someone back if you think you may have a potential job!!! Laughing
  • penname11penname11 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Maybe she saw your charming 'Bridezilla' quote and decided she didn't want to work with you anymore. 
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_photography-advice-little-of-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:d3bd463e-d1d8-4b6d-94e3-be4ec76fa18dPost:07ad639c-ad57-468b-aaad-9c9d292a5103">Re: Photography Advice with a little of Venting</a>:
    [QUOTE]Um listen ladies-- ALOT of things are going to change 6 months away from your wedding day.  Spuccio was right to say 'chill out.' 

    While the OP was just 'venting' about the situation, she was also asking what to do-- sometimes folks like that really mean to say "make me feel better about this situation."
    Posted by evseidl[/QUOTE]

    I know many of your ladies have been on the boards a long time, may have already had your weddings, etc. and have seen all this before but this is all new to those of us who are newly engaged.  We are looking to the boards for your help and support.  Weddings are stressful and I personally don't see a problem with coming to the boards to "make me feel better about this situation." 

    You guys have more experience than we do and can offer and have offered much great guidance and advice, but <u>sometimes </u>the way things are written it can feel like you may be attacking, mocking, or dismissing people.  Perhaps you do not intend this, but that is the way it can be interpreted online. 

    All I ask for is a little more respect and understanding.  If we need to be "put in our place" or told we're stressing over something tiny, it can be done in a more gentle, friendly and productive way.  You attract more flies with honey than vinegar.  I think people should see the boards as a safe, supportive space, I don't want people to be afraid to post things or ask questions, or just not participate because it isn't.

    Or maybe I have the wrong view of the boards?  If so, please direct me to another site or board that is the safe, supportive community I am seeking.  Thanks.

    P.S. This is not meant to be an attack, I just want to help and make sure everyone gets along, feels respected, and posts are productive.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_photography-advice-little-of-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:d3bd463e-d1d8-4b6d-94e3-be4ec76fa18dPost:80de36c3-0cf8-494b-9ea7-5f99c5689ee1">Re: Photography Advice with a little of Venting</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe she saw your charming 'Bridezilla' quote and decided she didn't want to work with you anymore. 
    Posted by penname11[/QUOTE]
    Hahahaha Comedian number 3...I am not Bridezilla when trying to get a vendor..that happens when I get silly or ignorant attitudes thrown at me. However I will admit I am a Charming Bridezilla LMBO..

    Further more ladies I do thank everyone for their responses and comments. Was not trying to start an attacking board game I came to vent and get some advice that was I should have been specific and said helpful Advice that way you all didn't think I had my panties in a bunch or was not calm
  • penname11penname11 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think you will find that the Boston board is an extremely friendly and helpful board.  If anything, people often error on the side of being too nice.  It is very, very rarely that people get snarky.  When that does happen, it usually occurs due to someone who comes off as entitled or snotty or unabashedly ignorant (this really isn't very often).  Or, maybe she just has a  ridiculous quote in her signature line that rubs someone the wrong way and, taken in context with the tone of the question, people get irritated. 

    That being said, this is an online forum, and you cannot expect to be completely safe or supported when you are posting your questions/thoughts to anonymous people.  In any online community.  Anywhere.  Generally, however, I think this board is all of those things.

    These are all my own opinions and observations, obviously.  I'm not speaking for anyone else.
  • edited December 2011

    From your first few posts, I thought you already had the package nailed now, but form your last it seems like that is what you're waiting on?  So for 3 weeks you've been waiting for her to get back to you with her "custom package" for you and the contract?  I think I would be a little worried.  This is where the friendor (even a friend of friend) can get tricky.  I think this is one of those situation where you have to go with your gut.

    Also- I think 6 months out is a tricky time.  It seems like you have soo much time left and like time is flying at the same time.  Just remember to prioritize things and delegate when you can. 

    12/12/2009
  • edited December 2011

    I guess since I posted questions to really understand what was going on, I didn't THINK I was coming across as snarky or any other word you want to use, but since some of you actually posted quotes, let me try and explain here:

    1. My comment about 'make me feel better'--- how the in world can that be taken as negative?!  haha.  I was simply saying that some folks 'vent' for just that very reason, and it's OK-- but Spuccio's advice to chill out may have been good (at least I think so).  i don't know-- you apparently took that negativley too.  You look pretty-- does that go over negatively?!?! 


    2.  And my second quote: "Before you posted your turmoil on facebook, and tried contacting her for the 3 weeks before, how did you two leave the last conversation?  Did you say "I want to stalk you every week to make sure we're still on for the wedding photography?"  I'll bet she woudln't have agreed to that.  But if you had said that I want to take some time to determine if this is the right step for me, then thats different.  More importantly, did you sign a contract?  Frendor or not- thats important- and will avoid conversations like her eMail back to you from a message seen on facebook. Posted by evseidl[/QUOTE] "

    Was that not a few questions to further understand your relationship with this friendor?

    I don't know, I just don't see anything negative here.  Its a shame you feel that way. 

    NOW that you have set the story strait about her not getting back to you after you both agreed to it (within those 3 weeks-- btw, it's best to load that kind of information ahead of time.  I swear you'll avoid this mess in the longrun), you can take it for face value.  If you really want to work with her (sounds like the package is affordable to you, and maybe you like her work?), then book her.  If not, then dont and find someone else. 

    inarey is right, it's a tricky situation, just go with your gut and ask yourself if this is worth it in the end. 

    [IMG]http://i52.tinypic.com/35dd952.jpg[/IMG]
  • penname11penname11 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    FWIW, Evseidl, I don't think you owe anyone any explanations. 
  • edited December 2011
    Yeah, I didn't think so either-- but the fact that they wildly misinterpreted my comments made me shudder at the thought they may actually be sticking around and I didn't want to deal with it later. haha.
    [IMG]http://i52.tinypic.com/35dd952.jpg[/IMG]
  • edited December 2011
    I'm not explaining myself to anyone either. Anyone who has been around the Boston board for more than 50 posts knows that newcomers and oldtimers alike here have a long history of being kind and helpful to people who deserve it.
  • edited December 2011
    If they are a hobbyist at what they are (photographing) versus a pro, and are offering way low prices, you get what you pay for.

    For a chep price from someone who does photos, flowers, or even DJ-ing, you cannot expect/demand professional experience, professional courtesy, professional contracts, They probably also do not have the backup camera or other equipment, and maybe won't get you the pictures as soon as you would like.

    With that said, working with friends can surely have its benefits but you also have to make some sacrifices to get those kind of deals.
    Irish *wife* on Nantucket, lovin' the island life with the love of my life! image
  • edited December 2011
    Ditch the friendor and hire a professional. No need to stress over this anymore.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    Evseidl, I see you didn't mean  "make me feel better about this situation."  to be offense.  I guess I read it wrong when I interpreted it to mean you were assuming she didn't really want help, she just wanted to be coddled.  My mistake.  but like I said sometimes things come off not how they are intended.

    Speaking of which, am I misinterpreting the following quote when I think it means that the thought of me and others remaining on these boards makes you shudder.  I hope I am because that does not sound very welcoming.

    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_massachusetts-boston_photography-advice-little-of-venting?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:89Discussion:d3bd463e-d1d8-4b6d-94e3-be4ec76fa18dPost:85707ef1-455b-426d-bad1-67e5e6c4622f">Re: Photography Advice with a little of Venting</a>:
    [QUOTE] the fact that they wildly misinterpreted my comments made me shudder at the thought they may actually be sticking around and I didn't want to deal with it later.
    Posted by evseidl[/QUOTE]

    Anyway, I didn't have as much a problem with your comments as what I interpreted to be a rather brusque brush off by <a href="http://community.theknot.com/cs/ks/user/default.aspx?membershipid=9233364410589218&plckUserId=9233364410589218" target="_blank" class="username_knot">spuccio</a> with the "chill out" and "it's not her wedding" or "people who deserve it."  I know old timers, and spuccio herself, have a long history of being kind and helpful to people, but I just did not think that was displayed in her OP in this thread. 

    I have been lurking for a while, and I have noticed something of a tension between newbies and old-timers in my few months on ALL the boards of The Knot.  I just want to get rid of the tension - can't we all just get along?! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" />
  • Shazzie116Shazzie116 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    "I think you will find that the Boston board is an extremely friendly and helpful board.  If anything, people often error on the side of being too nice."

    This is a public forum, you're not always going to get sunshine and rainbows. I think in the grand scheme of wedding planning, some details get nit-picked to death when stepping back and thinking with a little common sense will show you the clear answer. 

    If you're not happy with having to wait around for a response, move on with your search. Don't use Facebook as a passive aggressive way to get a reply. 

    And I just want to take a moment to say that I think people in general need to not be so touchy here. There is a vast difference between a straightforward answer and a harsh answer. This board tends to sugarcoat, so when someone replies more straightforward, people get all bent out of shape. To quote my dear Spooch, "Chill out". 
  • edited December 2011

    I think you should post this on the Etiquette board and see what response you get.  Likely they will call you out as a passive aggressive spoiled brat that you sound like.  You all need to get a tougher shell if what spucci, evseidl and penname said hurts your feelings.  You're upset bc someone told you to chill out?  You probably should thank her for trying to prevent you from making a bigger ass out of yourself.  I personally have been worried about little things, spuccio has told me the same thing and I thanked her. 

    So, instead of emailing the photog and expressing your concerns about her not responding like an adult, you stamped your little foot and put up a facebook status you knew she would see. And this is after she agreed to do you A FAVOR.   Are you 12?  If I was the photog, I would refuse to work with you at that point.  Do her a favor and book with someone else who is at least charging you their whole package price to put up with your antics.

  • edited December 2011
    The OP came to board looking for advice and she got it.  Nobody killed her cat.  Nobody told her that Santa is fake.  A few ppl simply told her that she is making a mountain out of a mole hill.  That is perhaps the best advice she will ever receive re: this topic. 

    And it's not like the "OLDTIMERS" shot back at an innocent little cherub.  The OP's siggy implies that she has a tough exterior and can take some direct language. 

    P.S.  Alexa, you really need to get off your high horse.  Either that, or you desperately need to freshen up on your reading comprehension skills.  There's something not right with you.

    And P.P.S....when she accused of us being "OLDTIMERS" I completely thought of the Oldtimer's burger at Chili's.  I'm such a fat kid at heart! 
  • BigOldBrideBigOldBride member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I LOVE spuccio, and agree totally!  as for the one looking for the 'deal', she actually said "she should act a little more professional and return calls/emails'.....BUT, this 'friendor' is NOT a professional, so do not tell her to act it, and/or assume she should be....you want professional, hire and PAY one!
  • Shazzie116Shazzie116 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Old timers, eh? So if I leave my house now do you think I can get to Red Lobster in time for the early bird special? 
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