Wedding Etiquette Forum

Added guests on RSVP cards...How to handle????

We are getting response cards back from FMIL side of the family and they are adding extra guests on the response cards. We have spoken to his mother abut this and she wants to take no action in this.

We are paying for the wedding ourselves and personally I find this extremely rude. I have told her that we only have a budget for 140 people with the caterer, and she is saying that they will TRY to help with any people over that limit. 

She keeps adding to our list but doesn't want to have anyone added to the rehearsal dinner list. For that she has even cut FI father!!!

Any tactful ideas on how to handle this? I don't want a war but this has got to stop!!!

Re: Added guests on RSVP cards...How to handle????

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    Call the peopl and let them know the invite was for x and y not anyone else.  be apologectic but let them know.  Or have you FI do it
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    cougarettecougarette member
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    edited February 2010
    I'm dealing with the same thing.  Someone actually wrote "& guest", not even a name! FMIL was all, "oh, well maybe some people will decline and we can fit them in".

    You have to call people and explain that the invitation was for just them and you are at capacity and can't add anyone extra.

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    She sounds like a peach.  I've never heard of a rehearsal dinner where the father of the groom didn't make the cut.  You will need to call those people and let them know that, unfortunately you are only able to accomodate those people who's names were on the invitation, and additional guests cannot be added at this time. 

    If his mom starts freaking out about it, tell her that she will have to pick up the tab if she's that insistant that they come.  But be prepared for her to back out if she's hemming and hawing about "trying" to help.

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    You call the guests yourself and explain that you're very sorry, but you don't have room for the extra guests.

    And when she asks to add people to the guest list, say NO, sorry, we don't have room in the budget.

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    Call the guest and say "I'm sorry, but your invite was intended for X,Y, and Z.  Unfortunately we do not have the space for any extra guests.  We hope this will not prevent you from attending."
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    Thank you ladies...great advice!!!

    We will be making a few phone calls and get this handled.
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    Oh Jeez that's wrong with people?! I could never imagine doing this! The whole point of a formal invitation is to tell people who's invited. Definetly call the guests & explain the situation. IMO if they get upset, it's their fault for being so rude in the first place! Good Luck!
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    Priceless= our best man's mother, invited with a guest (+many of her relatives & friends would be there). She wrote her name, her gust name and "+ 3 guests."

    I didn't know how to handle that; I was too shocked. I had then-FI talk to his best man & tell her nicely that it wasn't a tricky-tray or block party type of thing.

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    OMG people are ridiculous. I am totally prepared to call people and say "um, sorry, but no." So is FI, actually.  We just can't afford that. Fortunately, neither of our parents are an issue as far as guest list. And they'll totally support us telling people no if we have to.
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    Maybe I am paranoid, but have you thought that FMIL suggested that they do this? She wanted more guests, and won't give you the phone numbers...she may be trying to prevent you from uncovering her scheme!

    Or maybe I read too many mystery books.

    I don't see anything wrong with sending a nice note in the mail (if you absolutely cannot get their phone numbers), saying that you are SO excited to see X and Y at the wedding, sorry that you were unable to extend an invitation to the 'added guests' but the guest list was already finalized.

    Whether by phone or letter, try to steer clear of giving reasons that they could argue with (like the venue is at capacity-since they might say, well you will certainly get some 'no' responses and then they can come, etc)...just keep it simple and firm.
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