Making exceptions to no kids rule

minko1986

Hi ladies

I'm having no kids reception and I've been pretty strict about it. I made exceptions only to my family and OOT guests.
I have two local guests who have children with Down Syndrome. I addressed invitations to adults only, but they RSVPed with their children as well. I was going to talk to them that I cannot accommodate children, but I thought that it might have been because they couldn't find a babysitter for a kid with such a condition. Of course it's also possible that they just didn't read the envelope. Because of their kids condition, I sort of want to let this slide. Do you think it's okay to make exceptions for those guests? If I make exceptions I need to allow their siblings at the wedding as well. Do you think it's still okay to allow those siblings as well?

jennyd412

The parents only put those children on the RSVP and not their other children? Do they have medical conditions associated with their Down Syndrome diagnosis? Children with Down Syndrome fall into a range of abilities. Some have more complications than others. Some have very difficult behaviors. Some are not much different than a typical child when it comes to caregiving. I would talk to the parents and find out why they plan to take just the child with down syndrome, that would give you a better idea about why they RSVP'd that way.

minko1986

Sorry I wasn't clear. They put names of all their children.

jennyd412

Oh. Then, I wouldn't make an exception. Call them and tell them the children were not invited, I wouldn't bring up the down syndrome. As I mentioned above, the diagnosis alone does not mean a child is more difficult to care for. I work with children with disabilities and some of my easiest kids have had down syndrome and some of my most difficult have had down syndrome. If you make this exception, you will soon no longer have a kids free reception. (opens the door for other exceptions)

MuppetOverlord

There is a service called "Respit" that is intended for people in this position. They are essentially skilled babysitters capable of handling the individuals unique needs.

People in the position of caring for special needs individuals are typically aware of this service and can obtain it to go to your wedding. If insurance or the state doesn't cover it (hard to believe in this case since it's a permanent disability), they can hire someone privately.

I'm just trying to point out that there are options. I personally would call them to have a conversation about it with them. Maybe they didn't realize... if they are not comfortable leaving their disabled child in someone else's care, you may want to consider allowing that child only ( I think guests will understand).  It might also become a decision for those guests to make to not attend.

doiexist1987

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_making-exceptions-to-no-kids-rule?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:00a63d8d-91b3-4a64-9fe9-b32854aa9d70Post:9ff50a46-6fac-4313-b7e9-185f8bf680cd">Re: Making exceptions to no kids rule</a>:
[QUOTE]There is a service called "Respit" that is intended for people in this position. They are essentially skilled babysitters capable of handling the individuals unique needs. People in the position of caring for special needs individuals are typically aware of this service and can obtain it to go to your wedding. If insurance or the state doesn't cover it (hard to believe in this case since it's a permanent disability), they can hire someone privately. I'm just trying to point out that there are options. I personally would call them to have a conversation about it with them. Maybe they didn't realize... if they are not comfortable leaving their disabled child in someone else's care, you may want to consider allowing that child only ( I think guests will understand).  It might also become a decision for those guests to make to not attend.
Posted by BritniLeigh[/QUOTE]

At least the CT Respit program has specific guidelines for when they can and cannot take on people.  Some weekend are adult only weekends and others are children only weekends, and parents are only allocated a certain number of weekends they can send their kids, and there is a waiting period between visits.  It really isn't like calling a babysitter at all

Kate61487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_making-exceptions-to-no-kids-rule?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:00a63d8d-91b3-4a64-9fe9-b32854aa9d70Post:fb5b8e8c-47ac-46b6-a8b2-45ce7a8447e9">Making exceptions to no kids rule</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi ladies I'm having no kids reception and I've been pretty strict about it. I made exceptions only to my family and OOT guests. I have two local guests who have children with Down Syndrome. I addressed invitations to adults only, but they RSVPed with their children as well. I was going to talk to them that <strong>I cannot accommodate children</strong>, but I thought that it might have been because they couldn't find a babysitter for a kid with such a condition. Of course it's also possible that they just didn't read the envelope. Because of their kids condition, I sort of want to let this slide. Do you think it's okay to make exceptions for those guests? If I make exceptions I need to allow their siblings at the wedding as well. Do you think it's still okay to allow those siblings as well?
Posted by minko1986[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't make an exception, but I'd be careful how you word the bolded.  It sounds like you ARE having family children and OOT children so if you make it sound like it's a totally kid free event they might be hurt when they get there and see there are other kids present.  Just stick with "I'm sorry the invitation was only for you and Bob, I hope you can still make it".

But FWIW - would you actually want them to not come vs come with their kids?  We did family and OOT kids only; just thought cutting local kids was an easy way to keep numbers under control.  I felt so awful when I found out after the fact that a close family friend came to the ceremony only (without his wife) b/c their infant son was apparently only tolerable with his mother or his grandmother (several babysitters had refused to come back) and g-ma was out of town.  I would have included their kids in a heartbeat if I'd realized it would make or break their attendance.  Just food for thought.

STARMOON44

You don't have a no kids rule.  You have a "some children we are inviting, some we are not" policy.  Which is fine, but offensive to tell people "no kids" and then have kids there.

Do you want these kids to come?  That's all you need to decide.

MuppetOverlord

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_making-exceptions-to-no-kids-rule?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:00a63d8d-91b3-4a64-9fe9-b32854aa9d70Post:4f542293-76a9-4ca9-9640-edeb06be2c66">Re: Making exceptions to no kids rule</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Making exceptions to no kids rule : At least the CT Respit program has specific guidelines for when they can and cannot take on people.  Some weekend are adult only weekends and others are children only weekends, and parents are only allocated a certain number of weekends they can send their kids, and there is a waiting period between visits.  It really isn't like calling a babysitter at all
Posted by doiexist1987[/QUOTE]

You can hire people to provide respit care on demand

minko1986

Thanks for your comments. I'll talk to my friend.