His family's bridal shower

nlscott

My fiancee is determined that he shouldn't have to go to the shower for his side of the family.  I told him it only seems fair that he should come and support us since they are all there because they know him and don't know me. (Plus, I'm figuring it would be really awkward not knowing anybody.)  Is it really that bad of me to expect him there?

Brie2010

He shouldn't.  Unless it's specifically stated as a couples shower, it's pretty much implied that it's just the bride. 

My FI came to the shower for his side of the family, but he wanted to.  I don't think you should expect him to come if he doesn't want to.  They're usually pretty girly affairs.

Stackeye210

I think it'd be nice if he were there, and can understand your reasoning.  Maybe you should talk to FMIL and see if she was hoping he'd be there or not (or whomever is hosting). 

lyndausvi

I do not think it's really bad.  But I would not subject my husband to a party where he would be the only guy there.  He would be way more uncomfortable without one of his guy friends there than I would not knowing many people. (I'm fairly social)

andyandhillary

I think it depends on the norm.  In my family, your dad and your FI come to your showers.  If that isn't the norm for his family, don't you think it will make you look a titch weird and insecure if you HAVE to bring FI?  Some people may even be offended by that.

I know it's awkward, I have to do the same thing in addition to sharing the shower with a girl who vocalizes her disdain for my profession but we'll live. 

pumpkinpumpkin

Is it a Jack & Jill shower, or a Bridal shower? Are you not wanting to spend the day with his family? I can't see the problem in this.

nlscott

Thanks, Ladies! I didn't really think about him being uncomfortable, and like ya'll said, I'll make it through! : )

FutureMrsTR

I don't think I'd expect him to be there unless he a) wanted to be and b) they were expecting him to come.

Look at it as a forced opportunity to get to know everyone and start feeling comfortable around them.  Chances are you'll be stuck alone with some of them at some point in the next 40 or 50 years

nlscott

Is it a Jack & Jill shower, or a Bridal shower? Are you not wanting to spend the day with his family? I can't see the problem in this.


It is just hosted by his family, and it's not that I don't want to spend the day with his family, I only know his mom and sister, and I get really nervous at the idea of meeting the entire woman side of his family by myself.  He has said now that he would come at the end of it at least and help get the gifts home!

pumpkinpumpkin

Maybe you should get to know them. You are marrying in to the family.

tenofcups4me

In my crowd, the groom typically attends along with the "important" men (fathers, brothers and brothers in law, uncles). I'd definitely want the groom there if it were just his side of the family since he's the one who really knows everybody. If he doesn't want to come for the whole thing, at the very least I'd ask him to be there at the beginning and the end.  

skippylouwho

Around here the men, men do not typically attend. Where my DD's FI attends, the groom shows up at the end of the shower and that is what he did at DDs recent shower. He came at the end, mingled with everyone, exchanged hugs and thanked people.

ohwhynot

I've never been to anything but all-female showers.  Sometimes the groom would stop in at the end to help pack up gifts and say hello, but the tradition was always women-only.  You'll know at least your fmil, right?  I'm sorry you feel uncomfortable, but I'll bet it'll be just fine - try to relax and have fun.  These people want good things for you!

Victoriatx

Maybe he could stop by or go for the beginning to ease you into being at his sides shower for you,and maybe help introduce you,  then he could leave. My mom is throwing a bridal shower for me and we know that the majority of the shower guests will not be able to attend the wedding because it is out of town so we want them to at least meet the future groom so my finace will be stopping by to meet some of the women that are really important to me and play a few couples games she has planned and then hes leaving.

nlscott

Victoriatx, I love your idea!  I will defintiely ask him if he would be okay doing that!  He will probably be much more open to that instead of having to be there the whole time!