Destination Etiquette

Blair1085

My finance and I live in Florida.  His family from Nebrask, mine from Kentucky.  We are paying for our wedding/honeymoon by ourselves.  Not only does his family want to have me travel to NE for a bridal shower, but a reception after the wedding in Sept.  Not to mention, the same goes for Kentucky.  Do I go two trips to both states twice in one year? Or only go for either the bridal shower or reception?  Needing advice for dealing with future in-laws.

mollyehren

As much as I love Nebraska (Go Huskers), with limited vacation time I wouldn't do 2 trips.

MyUserName1

Um, none are required?

How many do you want to do and can afford to do?  That's how many you should do.

melntaitt

It's a very nice gesture, but very inconvenient at the same time. I'm having the same battle because my FMIL's sisters want to have another bridal shower for me in my FI's home town.

I'm not above getting presents, but that's my MOH's territory so I'm letting them square that away. Do NOT feel obligated to attend multiple functions to satisfy multiple families. It's sweet they care, but the effort they are putting into giving you two, can be alloted to them enjoying just one.

lyndausvi

Well you do not have to do either.

But if I was you I would just do a reception.

Blair1085

I forgot to add we are having a destination wedding/reception in Florida on a beach.  The families want to throw me a wedding shower and have us come to each state for a "reception" for people that wouldn't be invited to our small wedding or who couldn't make it.  The families would help pay for each hometown wedding shower and "Meet the Mr. and Mrs." event.  I just want to make sure that it's okay to tell everyone that we don't have the time, money, and energy to make this happen twice in one year.  Especially with prices of traveling expenses and luggage costs. THANKS!!

annakb8

I wouldn't go for either. It sounds like the showers and AHRs both invovle people not invited to the ceremony, so both are a no-go.

ginadog

Sorry about your situation.  I can relate.

FI and I live in Utah.  My family is in Indiana; his is in Oregon.  Our wedding is going to be in Wyoming.

So here's what we did.  We are not having any showers or bachelor parties (no one aksed for starters) but the sheer logistics of how scattered everyone is would make it too expensive for all.  I think it's just something you give up in these long distance situations.

How would you get stuff back home if you even had a shower in NE?  Sounds too hard unless you drive.

For the wedding in WY, we are not inviting any extended relatives to our wedding.  ONLY immediate family and their kids/SO.  The rest of the guests are really good friends.  It's going to make for a small wedding (75 were invited). 

You can invite extended family if you want to pay for them.  If they don't want to travel, then they don't go.  My own mom might not show up to my wedding for this reason, but my location was more important that her going. (long history there)

So I say plan your wedding in Florida.  Invite who you want.

The other posters are right, whoever your IF's family is having to this supposed bridal shower, also have to be guests invited to your wedding.  Does that complicate things?

In my first marriage, we got married at the the courthouse with two witnesses.  Each of our families threw us "celebration parties" after in our home states months later (Ex had surgeries performed).  We did travel to those and they were a week apart.  But we did not have any reception to begin with.  Just took our two witnesses out to lunch and that was it.

Extending the wedding celebrations after the wedding day only seem applicable to me when the original wedding was very intimate and small.