I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)

klsuydan

But when did weddings turn into such unimaginable events?

When did the reception become more about the guests than what the bride and groom want?

When did what the bride and groom want truly get put aside to make sure what the group wants is taken care of?

I have been lurking for awhile and posting here and there about various things... but the more I read the more I think wow I am so glad I am doing my wedding the way I want to.
Originally we we planning a wedding of over 200 guests and during the inital planning I realized this is totally insane! Why am I going to pay (and yes we are paying for everything) for all of these people to come to our wedding, when I barely know them, and haven't seen them since I was a kid.
I want only those people who are going to truly be happy for us to be there. So we are doing a small wedding with 60 of our closest friends and family.

will we get as many gifts no... but is that what it is really about? Has a wedding really become "the bigger ordeal I make my wedding the bigger/better gifts I get"

Again just my opinon!

ohwhynot

The reception has always been about the guests.  Not how many you have, but how well you treat the ones you choose to have.  I'm not sure what your issue is, frankly. 

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:acc7ad4f-55b7-4781-98e5-661fc035c346">I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]But when did weddings turn into such unimaginable events? <strong>When did the reception become more about the guests than what the bride and groom want? When did what the bride and groom want truly get put aside to make sure what the group wants is taken care of?</strong> I have been lurking for awhile and posting here and there about various things... but the more I read the more I think wow I am so glad I am doing my wedding the way I want to. Originally we we planning a wedding of over 200 guests and during the inital planning I realized this is totally insane! Why am I going to pay (and yes we are paying for everything) for all of these people to come to our wedding, when I barely know them, and haven't seen them since I was a kid. I want only those people who are going to truly be happy for us to be there. So we are doing a small wedding with 60 of our closest friends and family. will we get as many gifts no... but is that what it is really about? <strong>Has a wedding really become "the bigger ordeal I make my wedding the bigger/better gifts I get"</strong> Again just my opinon!
Posted by klsuydan[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with the last bolded part - that's not the point of a wedding.

The first bolded part...depends on what we're talking about. If you invite people to your wedding, they are your guests, and you need to host them appropriately which means providing some kind of food and drink and making sure they're comfortable. If the question is whether you can invite only some people to dinner, then yes, it's all about your guests - and not being rude to them by doing that - and not about this inappropriate thing that the B&G want. If, however, it's whether to serve banana cake even though chocolate is more popular, then yes, it's your wedding and should reflect your choices - no one will die or have a horrible time just because you didn't serve their favorite flavor of cake.

danieliza1127

The reception has always been about the guests.  It's your way to thank them for taking time out of their day and life to be there for you.  Most guests spend a bit of money to attend a wedding whether it's buying a gift, traveling to get there, hotel, new clothes, etc.  The reception is your time to thank them for being there and for being special in your lives.

I definitely agree that ideally a guest list should be the people you know and love and want to be with on your wedding day.  It is a shame that many people end up obligated to invite others that don't necessarily fit that description, but people deal with parent wishes, obligatory extended family invites, and other things that are often out of their control.

sarah0725

I don't think any of the regs here would advocate for throwing a big party so that you can get lots of presents.

When people say that you should think of your guests at a reception, what they mean is that people who come to your wedding should be assured of certain comforts: food and beverages that are served at the proper temperature and are adequate for feeding them, a place to sit down, a place to go to the bathroom, a pleasant environment.

Now, there are lots of variations on that, and I think the bride and groom have the right to choose what they want. For instance, if they're vegetarians and they don't want to eat meat, they shouldn't have to - there are plenty of delicious options. Or if they're morally against alcohol, a dry wedding is fine. Cake and punch is fine as long as it's not a mealtime.

Etiquette is about treating people in a polite and reasonable manner.

lyndausvi

I can only speak about my family, but large weddings with lots of food, booze and dancing with the guests comfort in mind has always been the norm.   The ceremony has always been about the couple, but the reception has always been about the guests

 Even my grandparents who got married back in 1930 had a big wedding with open bar, full meal and dancing. 

Just so you know in my family if you being a host means you make sure the guests are taking care of.  That includes dinner parties to weddings.   Weddings are just a bigger scale. 

emilyinchile

Sorry, Salt! Wasn't trying to kill you, promise

OP, apparently you can serve banana cake only if you tell everyone that's what it is to avoid banana-related deaths.

Rosie109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:acc7ad4f-55b7-4781-98e5-661fc035c346">I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]But when did weddings turn into such unimaginable events? When did the reception become more about the guests than what the bride and groom want? When did what the bride and groom want truly get put aside to make sure what the group wants is taken care of? I have been lurking for awhile and posting here and there about various things... but the more I read the more I think wow I am so glad I am doing my wedding the way I want to. Originally we we planning a wedding of over 200 guests and during the inital planning I realized this is totally insane! Why am I going to pay (and yes we are paying for everything) for all of these people to come to our wedding, when I barely know them, and haven't seen them since I was a kid. I want only those people who are going to truly be happy for us to be there. So we are doing a small wedding with 60 of our closest friends and family. will we get as many gifts no... but is that what it is really about? Has a wedding really become "the bigger ordeal I make my wedding the bigger/better gifts I get" Again just my opinon!
Posted by klsuydan[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>cool

</div>

klsuydan

Again I will say this post was totally just an opinon.

@ Tide my "we" refers to my fiance and I.

And to answer so many other questions or responses:

My FI and I are very much taking care of our guests that are coming to share our special day with us.

I am more referring to the lengths some are going to and the expenses they will incur as a result, Or the thought that an open bar is required ect...

AGAIN THIS IS ONLY MY OPINON

Maybe it is because we are not the norm, have two kids and a home already and I can't fathom (SP?) spending so much on one day. Who knows...

sarah0725

My dad is allergic to bananas too, but his allergy is more of the explosive variety.

Rosie109

Honestly no one is acting like its not just opinion so you probably stop saying ITS JUST MY OPINION!!!!! 

sarah0725

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:4a6669c7-76d5-479c-9a62-44168bd999dd">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]Again I will say this post was totally just an opinon. @ Tide my "we" refers to my fiance and I. And to answer so many other questions or responses: My FI and I are very much taking care of our guests that are coming to share our special day with us. I am more referring to the lengths some are going to and the expenses they will incur as a result, Or the thought that an open bar is required ect... AGAIN THIS IS ONLY MY OPINON Maybe it is because we are not the norm, have two kids and a home already and I can't fathom (SP?) spending so much on one day. Who knows...
Posted by klsuydan[/QUOTE]

Hey, no need to get your caps lock all stuck. You post opinions, we post opinions about your opinions. Or explanations. It's a discussion board.

Or would you prefer for all of us just to say, "What an interesting opinion you have!"?

Stackeye210

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:4a6669c7-76d5-479c-9a62-44168bd999dd">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]Again I will say this post was totally just an opinon. @ Tide my "we" refers to my fiance and I. And to answer so many other questions or responses: My FI and I are very much taking care of our guests that are coming to share our special day with us.<strong> I am more referring to the lengths some are going to and the expenses they will incur as a result, </strong>Or the thought that an open bar is required ect... AGAIN THIS IS ONLY MY OPINON Maybe it is because we are not the norm, have two kids and a home already and I can't fathom (SP?) spending so much on one day. Who knows...
Posted by klsuydan[/QUOTE]

The thing about people and their wedding day is it's their vision.  I think as long as they take their guests comforts into account then they can do it as elaborate or as basic as they want.  I'm not one to judge.  If you have the money and think it's worth it to spend on a wedding, then go for it. 

klsuydan

And No this was not a generalization of the 'E' board... i have gotten some wonderful advice from so many people here... more of a vent session and wanted outher feedback...


Oh and I don't like Banana Cake so I won't be serving it... LOL but thanks

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:4a6669c7-76d5-479c-9a62-44168bd999dd">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]Again I will say this post was totally just an opinon. @ Tide my "we" refers to my fiance and I. And to answer so many other questions or responses: My FI and I are very much taking care of our guests that are coming to share our special day with us. I am more referring to the lengths some are going to and the expenses they will incur as a result, <strong>Or the thought that an open bar is required</strong> ect... AGAIN THIS IS ONLY MY OPINON Maybe it is because we are not the norm, have two kids and a home already and I can't fathom (SP?) spending so much on one day. Who knows...
Posted by klsuydan[/QUOTE]

I don't think anyone says a full open bar is required. An open bar where every drink under the sun is hosted is very expensive and very uncommon. People just say that whatever you do offer - be it no alcohol, wine and beer only, signature drinks, etc - should be free to your guests. A cash bar where nothing or very few things (ie. only water) are hosted is the rude option.

So, genuine question: did you know that? Because I feel like a lot of people see posts saying that a cash bar is rude and think that means a full open bar is being suggested, and it's just not the case.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:80480208-146f-4b1a-81c9-23579f47a5d2">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly no one is acting like its not just opinion so you probably stop saying ITS JUST MY OPINION!!!!! 
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

<div>Is that just your opinion?</div>

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:4a6669c7-76d5-479c-9a62-44168bd999dd">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]Again I will say this post was totally just an opinon. @ Tide my "we" refers to my fiance and I. And to answer so many other questions or responses: My FI and I are very much taking care of our guests that are coming to share our special day with us. I am more referring to the lengths some are going to and the expenses they will incur as a result, Or the thought that an open bar is required ect... AGAIN THIS IS ONLY MY OPINON Maybe it is because we are not the norm, have two kids and a home already and I can't fathom (SP?) spending so much on one day. Who knows...
Posted by klsuydan[/QUOTE]
Unless you're going to cite specific examples, I don't think that your "opinion" has much merit.  There are standards of etiquette that you follow to ensure that you are being a good hostess.  Tradition and etiquette are not one in the same, and some traditions vary within social circles. 

Some people like, want and can afford a big blow out party.  Don't judge them simply because you can't or won't spend that much on "one day."

emilyinchile

I think judging people for spending a lot of money if they're able to is just as silly as judging people for not spending very much. I would judge putting your wedding on credit because I don't think it's worth paying interest on or affecting your financial records over, but if you've got the money then hell, go for it. Just like if you don't have the money - or choose to spend it on other things - then I'm happy to celebrate in a less expensive way.

That said, of course there are people who lose sight of the real importance of a wedding, but I think that's often just an indicator of what kinds of people they really are.

klsuydan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:d2edaa88-3797-4f3e-9dad-3039b588d82a">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon) : I don't think anyone says a full open bar is required. An open bar where every drink under the sun is hosted is very expensive and very uncommon. People just say that whatever you do offer - be it no alcohol, wine and beer only, signature drinks, etc - should be free to your guests. A cash bar where nothing or very few things (ie. only water) are hosted is the rude option. <strong>So, genuine question: did you know that? Because I feel like a lot of people see posts saying that a cash bar is rude and think that means a full open bar is being suggested, and it's just not the case.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]
</strong>
I can honeslty say no I did not know this

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:190c88c7-b057-4925-9f86-1d9cd503a422">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]That said, of course there are people who lose sight of the real importance of a wedding, but I think that's often just an indicator of what kinds of people they really are.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Case in point...that yahoo from last week that said the honeymoon was the most important part of the whole thing. </div><div>
</div><div>And I agree with Emily... I judge people that judge other people on what they choose to do for their wedding. If someone has the means for a big party, then by all means have at it. I don't see why you would care what someone else does. </div>

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:5dc7a539-2e12-493a-829a-b88bae55df32">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon) : ::raises hand::
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]
Yet another reason why we are lovahs.

salt78

I have never been to a cash bar wedding. I have also never been to an open bar wedding. 

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:e6753124-8a53-48a4-84da-711dd1fe54a0">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon) : Yet another reason why we are lovahs.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]

<div>You too!? *high five*</div>

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:41df25de-2d62-498d-8e20-f0c7f77d0a62">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon) : You too!? *high five*
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]
Yeah.  My mouth gets all tingly and itchy feeling.  I think they're vile tasting anyway, even in their dried form.  I actually pick through my cereal bowl to pull out all the dried banana chips.  True story.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:a3dbf542-15ac-4e02-aecf-b75d3fce22bf">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon) : I can honeslty say no I did not know this
Posted by klsuydan[/QUOTE]

Glad I asked then :)

In the US, I'm like Salt and have never been to either a full open bar or cash bar wedding, it's always been something in between. Here in Chile for whatever reason, even lower-budget weddings all have full open bar -I'm not complaining!

Snippylynn

We didn't choose to have a cash bar, but we couldn't afford to have even a portion open.  Water, coffee, tea and all soda we paid for though.  Kind of tough to stop people from walking around the corner of the room to the bar for the restaurant though.

Rosie109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:c9936395-e736-40b4-9d2a-c18ba0ee1427">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't understand the point of this rant.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

<div>ITS JUST HER OPINION. </div>

alixzafiris

If I was allergic to bananas I think I might cry. Just sayin'.

emilyinchile

Bananas are gross. I wouldn't mind being allergic to them.

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:2424343a-848c-4e6e-848c-210ca45313f1">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon) : Yeah.  My mouth gets all tingly and itchy feeling.  I think they're vile tasting anyway, even in their dried form.  I actually pick through my cereal bowl to pull out all the dried banana chips.  True story.
Posted by Snippylynn[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>All of this. </div><div>Except that I can't really eat anything that a banana has been touching either so I have to avoid cereals and stuff that have it in there. I get them same tingly/itching, but then my throat constricts. The last time it happened was because went to Jamba Juice and I think they made my smoothie in a blender that had banana residuals in it.

</div>

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_may-kind-of-newbiekind-of-long-totally-just-opinon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01019d19-466b-4778-988a-2ece0edcc0f5Post:dce29ac5-13e9-4c63-ae43-84a57c07073b">Re: I may be kind of a newbie...(kind of long and totally just my opinon)</a>:
[QUOTE]Bananas are gross. I wouldn't mind being allergic to them.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]
Right?  They're mushy and taste like icky.  ew ew ew.  My mom says that I tossed them out even as a baby.