Brother's fiance wants to make our bridal shower joint, but I don't like the idea.

amberma

My brother and his fiance got engaged a few months ago and decided to get married three weeks before myself and my fiancee get married. She has been rushing to make plans since they decided to make it so soon. But my bridesmaids have been working on my bridal shower for months and I don't feel that it is fair to ask them to tack her onto it. Am I being unreasonable?

ootmother2

Well, she can't give her own shower so she wants to share yours?  Telll her that it just doesn't work that way.

Milsey32

Where are her BMs or her MOH to plan her shower? She shouldn't be thinking about her own shower except for dates she is available... 

NOLAbridealmost

Your shower is a gift from whoever decided to throw it for you....and you totally couldn't ask to tack someone on even if you wanted to (and we can tell you don't want to). 

Moreover, it's wayyy awkward for guests who are invited to one and not both of your weddings because they would likely feel compelled to get a gift for each of you. 

She has her own WP and its their problem if they want to host her shower.  You don't worry about it at all.

polichik

Wow, that's really presumptuous of her. I'm actually kind of shocked. No, you should be able to have your own bridal shower, and she should never ask somebody else to throw her a shower (which she would be doing if your BMs had her as a co-guest of honor). WTF was she thinking?

fashionx

No.

And even if you were ok with sharing a shower, I think it's really awkward for guests who may not know both of you. Or that do, and now they have to buy 2 gifts for the same event. It's too confusing.

ootmother2

 Just say NO

amberma

Told her that it wasn't happening. So now she has decided to do her bridal shower the same day as mine.

MrsTucker2011

Geez louise. Tell her to get her own shower. :P

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-fiance-wants-bridal-shower-joint-but-dont-like-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0119e95a-68af-49e1-895e-a0c5fb77cde7Post:b2ab7228-6dac-4626-8555-758fe27b48b9">Re: Brother's fiance wants to make our bridal shower joint, but I don't like the idea.</a>:
[QUOTE]Told her that it wasn't happening. So now she has decided to do her bridal shower the same day as mine.
Posted by amberma[/QUOTE]

<div>Is she throwing it for herself?  Talk with your bother.  I'd be pissed, because a lot of the guest list would overlap, and yours has obviously been planned.  If people have already accepted the invitation to your shower, she may be surprised when nobody comes.</div>

HockeyFan4

eeks yeah....my first thought would be to talk with brother....and have mom sort of mediate between you guys. 

they guestlist would definitely overlap....  try to keep it positive....like "I really want to attend you bridal shower, but my BMs have already worked for months planning mine for that day"

Habs2Hart

You're FSIL sounds like a spoiled little brat.  Has nobody ever told her no?  Why wouldn't she want to be at your shower?  Talk to your brother and mom. 

Who's throwing this shower for her?

thesequel

Your FSIL sounds like mine!  Uber-competitive and determined to be the spoiled little princess who has never been told "no".  Be careful....this may determine future behaviour!

Talk to your brother and your mom about this...and quickly!  Especially because so much of the guest list will overlap.  Oh and merging showers is not a solution!

Hatsumomo7

No way! You are not obligated in anyway to accomodate her bridal shower. It was her and your brother's idea to set their own wedding date and if they decided to make it that soon then they have to figure out what their doing.

b0710

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-fiance-wants-bridal-shower-joint-but-dont-like-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0119e95a-68af-49e1-895e-a0c5fb77cde7Post:b2ab7228-6dac-4626-8555-758fe27b48b9">Re: Brother's fiance wants to make our bridal shower joint, but I don't like the idea.</a>:
[QUOTE]Told her that it wasn't happening. So now she has decided to do her bridal shower the same day as mine.
Posted by amberma[/QUOTE]
That's crazy!  Maybe if it's an issue of people having to travel and she's worried they won't come twice, she could have her shower the day after your's or something, but she really needs to try to stop piggybacking.  Stick to your guns, that's not fair.

jemmini6

Ask her to have a joint wedding, but that her parents will have to pay for all your guests, food, etc and see what she says.  Because that's basically what she's asking you to do.

Your shower is being thrown by YOUR friends for YOU.  It's incredibly rude for her to invite herself as another guest of honor.  Tell her absoulutely not.

AbbeyS2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brothers-fiance-wants-bridal-shower-joint-but-dont-like-idea?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0119e95a-68af-49e1-895e-a0c5fb77cde7Post:b2ab7228-6dac-4626-8555-758fe27b48b9">Re: Brother's fiance wants to make our bridal shower joint, but I don't like the idea.</a>:
[QUOTE]Told her that it wasn't happening. So now she has decided to do her bridal shower the same day as mine.
Posted by amberma[/QUOTE]

How old is she?  Something tells me SHE chose the wedding date, not your brother.  I would let her do what she wants and do not worry about it.  She will be the one crying in her soup when no one shows from your family, since they have already been invited to yours the same day. 

elizabethjane25

omg what a brat!!!!! 

amberma

Apparently she is.

dbkb2012

Oh my god, please don't discuss with her when you guys plan on having children...

My thoughts are with your brother, I'd be putting my foot down so quickly if I were him, it wouldn't even be funny.

kimheartsscott

Whoa now.  She sounds crazy.

amberma

She just asked me to help her find a day that would work for everyone. I told her the next day would be fine because it would put less stress on everyone involved and out of town guests for both weddings would stil be in town from my bridal shower. I also told gave her a couple other dates that would work too. Hopefully she will take my advice. I also told her that I thought it was in poor taste to host her own bridal shower, but she seems not to care.

adriennelockman

Maiden of Honor here!

You need to tell her to figure it out on her own. She is a rude, spoiled, selfish, little brat.  You don't deserve to have to even deal with her lack of consideration towards ANYONE, but herself.

She told me the only reason she is rushing to have her wedding now is because she wants to be a "June Bride" (no kidding I almost threw up when reading that comment from her). Never mind, they've only been dating a little more than 6months and are not even old enough to have champagne for their toast! 

She's a fool and doesn't deserve to have someone as nice as you for a FSIL.