my daughters wedding

chevyangel62

I need some ideas and help.... My daughter is getting married feb 2011
Her father and I are divorced . At the reception they have there father daughter dance.. Can some one give me some suggestions on something the mother can do.
Ive been to hundreds of weddings and the father gets to do this dance with his daughter and the mother just sits and watches
Id really like to do something special for her too besided all the other things  that I have to do but  I wanted something special
HELP......

banana468

What does your daughter want?

Yes, the reception is for the guests, but generally, when you have these special things, they're met with the approval of the bride and groom too.

And rather than think that the FOB gets to be in the spotlight, think about your relationship with your daughter.  For my wedding, I did a ton with my mother.  That my father had this one dance was just a small portion of my mother's involvment.

But if my mother came to me asking for a way to be involved in the spotlight, I'd have to wonder what her intentions were. 

banana468

To add, being the MOB IS special. 

kd.joseph

I know when my FI's daughter got married a few years ago,they stuck with the traditional father/daughter dance. But her mother did a reading during the ceremony.
Plus your the mother of the bride, that's already an honor.

kd.joseph

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_daughters-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0154ecea-112e-4652-9abc-06ea7af4c50dPost:9408a9ea-7202-4dd6-99bd-75f8099895c5">Re: my daughters wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]What does your daughter want? Yes, the reception is for the guests, but generally, when you have these special things, they're met with the approval of the bride and groom too. And rather than think that the FOB gets to be in the spotlight, think about your relationship with your daughter.  For my wedding, I did a ton with my mother.  That my father had this one dance was just a small portion of my mother's involvment. But if my mother came to me asking for a way to be involved in the spotlight, I'd have to wonder what her intentions were. 
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Because Banana is so wise I agree with her!

banana468

Also, in some ceremonies, the mothers light the Unity Candle if it's present.

psichick

honestly it sounds like you want ot do something special only because her father gets the dance and you seem almost bitter or jealous of it. why else would you bother to tell us that you're divorced? so you're divorced, you don't need to upstage him at the wedding. you're the mother of the bride, that's pretty special already.

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_daughters-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0154ecea-112e-4652-9abc-06ea7af4c50dPost:27bb9cb4-acc3-465c-b19b-f53af7312219">Re: my daughters wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]honestly it sounds like you want ot do something special only because her father gets the dance and you seem almost bitter or jealous of it. why else would you bother to tell us that you're divorced? so you're divorced, you don't need to upstage him at the wedding. you're the mother of the bride, that's pretty special already.
Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]
It pains me to say this but I have to agree (a little) with psichick. It does sound like you only want more recognition because the father is getting a little.

jajph1974

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_daughters-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0154ecea-112e-4652-9abc-06ea7af4c50dPost:27bb9cb4-acc3-465c-b19b-f53af7312219">Re: my daughters wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]honestly it sounds like you want ot do something special only because her father gets the dance and you seem almost bitter or jealous of it. why else would you bother to tell us that you're divorced? so you're divorced, you don't need to upstage him at the wedding. you're the mother of the bride, that's pretty special already.
Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]

This is also how it came across to me

duckie1905

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_daughters-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0154ecea-112e-4652-9abc-06ea7af4c50dPost:27bb9cb4-acc3-465c-b19b-f53af7312219">Re: my daughters wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]honestly it sounds like you want ot do something special only because her father gets the dance and you seem almost bitter or jealous of it. why else would you bother to tell us that you're divorced? so you're divorced, you don't need to upstage him at the wedding. you're the mother of the bride, that's pretty special already.
Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]

This comes across to me as petty and jealous that he gets to be in the spotlight and you don't.  I would consider seriously rewording this before saying a word to your daughter.

Speaking of which, what does she want?  I would think it would be her decision.  MOB is a special position all its own and I'm not sure why you aren't happy with it.

pooh8402

ditto with the petty and jealous. my parents are divorced and remarried on both counts. my mom isn't asking for anything special, she knows she's the MOB and that's a pretty damn huge honor. neither are my stepparents asking for any recognition, in fact, they are refusing what I am trying to offer them in terms of other recognition.

try growing up.

tlv204

Ditto psichick. I understand why you want to do more, but please please think about this more before you talk about it to your daughter. My parents were divorced, and my dad died when I was younger. Because of this, I wanted to do a few things (including wearing a pair of earrings he gave me, etc.) that reminded me of him. My mom started crying because I wasn't doing anything to "honor" her the way i was my dad, and you wouldnt' believe how much that pissed me off. Guess what mom, you get to BE at my wedding. Sorry, I know it's different because my dad passed away, but just please don't put your daughter between you and your ex husband. That's bad enough in everyday life, but to do it on her wedding day is just mean. Weddings sometimes make people more emotional in general, so again I understand your feelings, just keep your daughter's feelings in mind as well.

chevyangel62

First of all Im not jealouse. I would never nor have I every put my children between me and my Ex husband . My Girls have minds of their own and they make their own desicions when it comes to him and me. I have a wonderful and special relationship with my daughter that her father can never or ever have. And further more there is no bitter ness between us.. I will have a dance him and I together at the reception when all the bridal party dances this is something she ask of us and I have no problem doing for her.
I just wanted to show her just how much she means to me and how much I love her and I do honor the fact that I am THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE a spot that no one and I mean no one will be able to take away. I guess what I was trying to come across no one really understood.. I thank all of you for your replys
I congrates all of you on your marriages
May God bless each and everyone of you

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_daughters-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0154ecea-112e-4652-9abc-06ea7af4c50dPost:c4b8b08d-4e67-41d1-b39c-47b6a417cb5c">Re: my daughters wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]First of all Im not jealouse. [/QUOTE]

Awww, this started out so promising.

arbolita

I don't know how you congrate someone, but it sounds painful.