Plus ones and uninvited guests

psychvet

My mother-in-law insists on adding people the the guest list, and wants her friends to bring uninvited guests. We are only allowed to have 75 people or less at the venue before they charge us a ton more money. We are paying for the entire wedding, so we want a small wedding. I don't want a ton of people I don't know. In fact, I don't want any people that I don't know. How can I kindly tell my mother-in-law that the guest list is set? And How can I nicely let people know that they are not allowed to bring all of their friends? Help! 

Summer2011Bride

Who is paying? If FMIL isn't paying, she doesn't get to add to the guest list, especially if your venue will charge more for extra people. I would just tell her (or have FI tell her), "Sorry, but we are capped at 75 guests per our venue."

As for people bringing uninvited guests, most won't do that. Just address invitations to those people invited and if someone RSVPs for extras, call them and politely explain the invitation was just for them.

ETA: Saw that you are paying. Yeah, I would tell her what I suggested above.

andrea2473

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0205f9d2-aff3-494a-bc90-3e8132f271d1Post:f0ea6f04-34ab-47d7-abee-358f11de5c0b">Plus ones and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]My mother-n-law insists on adding people the the guest list, and wants her friends to bring uninvited guests. We are only allowed to have 75 people or less at the venue before they charge us a ton more money. I want a small wedding. I don't want a ton of people I don't know. In fact, I don't want any people that I don't know. How can I kindly tell my mother-in-law that the guest list is set? And How can I nicely let people know that they are not allowed to bring all of their friends? Help! 
Posted by psychvet[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry but the guest list is set.  
If budget isn't an issue and it's more about size, don't mention money.  She may call your bluff and pony up for the extra guests.   Just be direct. 

lyndausvi

Assuming these +1's are not SO's then just tell her there is no more room.

If they are SO's then you really need to find away to include them.

ootmother2

Your FI should just lay it out for his mother.

"The guest list is closed, you may not invite anyone else."


Short, simple.  works for me

vbandell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0205f9d2-aff3-494a-bc90-3e8132f271d1Post:f0ea6f04-34ab-47d7-abee-358f11de5c0b">Plus ones and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]My mother-in-law insists on adding people the the guest list, and wants her friends to bring uninvited guests. We are only allowed to have 75 people or less at the venue before they charge us a ton more money. We are paying for the entire wedding, so we want a small wedding. I don't want a ton of people I don't know. In fact, I don't want any people that I don't know. How can I kindly tell my mother-in-law that the guest list is set? And How can I nicely let people know that they are not allowed to bring all of their friends? Help! 
Posted by psychvet[/QUOTE]

You need to be firm and tell her that there is only a set number of guest who are invited and that this is your wedding not hers. If she wants the extra guest she can pay all the extra cost that come along with them (food, invites, seating, having to need a bigger cake, centerpieces for the extra tables, if you have chair covers have her pay all of those) Dont know how big your wedding is or what you are having but same issue with my FMIL! Last night we had gone over to talk to them and my parents are paying for the wedding and the most we can have is 200 and we are already pushing that number and she said we need to switch it to 300 guest because she has all these people who she thinks should be there. I straight up told her unless she wants to dish out $2500 + for all these extra guest then the number stays at 200. She closed her mouth because she has not got that kind of money at all and realized that those people are not important enough to my fiance and I to have there.

vbandell

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0205f9d2-aff3-494a-bc90-3e8132f271d1Post:a882cbab-ef9c-4647-99cd-afbf8d622453">Re: Plus ones and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Plus ones and uninvited guests : You need to be firm and tell her that there is only a set number of guest who are invited and that this is your wedding not hers. If she wants the extra guest she can pay all the extra cost that come along with them (food, invites, seating, having to need a bigger cake, centerpieces for the extra tables, if you have chair covers have her pay all of those) Dont know how big your wedding is or what you are having but same issue with my FMIL! Last night we had gone over to talk to them and my parents are paying for the wedding and the most we can have is 200 and we are already pushing that number and she said we need to switch it to 300 guest because she has all these people who she thinks should be there. I straight up told her unless she wants to dish out $2500 + for all these extra guest then the number stays at 200. She closed her mouth because she has not got that kind of money at all and realized that those people are not important enough to my fiance and I to have there.
Posted by vbandell[/QUOTE]


oh also forgot to add on there........
for ways to keep your guest from inviting other guest. When you send out rsvp cards where it says "rsvp for ____ # of guest" you write in the number instead of leaving it to them to put in. Because the last thing you need is to have a family of 7 go and put that they are going to have 10 people there. ( I have some family who would probably do this.) So for my rsvps before i send them out I will go and write in each on how many guest they are allowed to have.

Hope this helps you!!!!

mia888

Just tell her you already have laid out the guest list - just enough for what the venue allows. So that means, she cannot bring in more people who are not in the guest list or else, there's no seat for them.

psychvet

Thank you everyone! You made me feel much better about insisting that my fiance' tell his mother no more guests! Thank you for all of your suggestions! 

psychvet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0205f9d2-aff3-494a-bc90-3e8132f271d1Post:2e67942b-9a63-4e1a-a0f7-6c720eba0d46">Re: Plus ones and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]Who is paying? If FMIL isn't paying, she doesn't get to add to the guest list, especially if your venue will charge more for extra people. I would just tell her (or have FI tell her), "Sorry, but we are capped at 75 guests per our venue." As for people bringing uninvited guests, most won't do that. Just address invitations to those people invited and if someone RSVPs for extras, call them and politely explain the invitation was just for them. ETA: Saw that you are paying. Yeah, I would tell her what I suggested above.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]
  <div>
</div><div>This is perfect. Straight and to the point. I do have one lady who is bringing an uninvited guest and another bringing a guest that we do not like. We haven't figured out how to politely tell them that these uninvited extra people cannot come. </div>

psychvet

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_plus-ones-and-uninvited-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0205f9d2-aff3-494a-bc90-3e8132f271d1Post:a882cbab-ef9c-4647-99cd-afbf8d622453">Re: Plus ones and uninvited guests</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Plus ones and uninvited guests : You need to be firm and tell her that there is only a set number of guest who are invited and that this is your wedding not hers. If she wants the extra guest she can pay all the extra cost that come along with them (food, invites, seating, having to need a bigger cake, centerpieces for the extra tables, if you have chair covers have her pay all of those) Dont know how big your wedding is or what you are having but same issue with my FMIL! Last night we had gone over to talk to them and my parents are paying for the wedding and the most we can have is 200 and we are already pushing that number and she said we need to switch it to 300 guest because she has all these people who she thinks should be there. I straight up told her unless she wants to dish out $2500 + for all these extra guest then the number stays at 200. She closed her mouth because she has not got that kind of money at all and realized that those people are not important enough to my fiance and I to have there.
Posted by vbandell[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>We are having a small wedding. It has to stay under 75 people. I doubt she will shell out the money for the extra people. I really don't want to go there. I don't want it to get bigger than 75. </div><div>
</div><div>Good Luck with your FMIL, I feel your pain! 

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