Are Bridesmaids gifts a must?

[Deleted User]

Just recently found out that my father has for some reason decided to NOT help pay for the wedding so now I am very stressed & strapped for cash. I am cutting out alot of things. I am wondering if BM gift are absolutely necessary, as I have a party of 5 & I don't think I will be able to afford gifts. What are everyones thoughts? One BM actually asked me about their gifts a few weeks ago & I was a bit taken aback that she would even ask. Are there free/cheap alternatives? At this point, with all the wedding expenses I can't afford them. I don't want to come across as cheap. But I would hope my BMs would understand that we have 3 children & are funding the wedding ourselves & I just couldn't afford them.

adamar15

Can you at least get them a card or write them a nice note or something?  You don't have to spend a lot, but it would be nice to do something to thank them for being your bridesmaids.

Ash61612

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-gifts-must?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:026923dd-7560-453c-80bf-21ca3eb3f500Post:f075762c-b413-47c4-906a-27dd82dac1d3">Re: Are Bridesmaids gifts a must?</a>:
[QUOTE]Can you at least get them a card or write them a nice note or something?  You don't have to spend a lot, but it would be nice to do something to thank them for being your bridesmaids.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]
this is what I was thinking. <div>And it was rude/out of line for your BM to ask about her gift, BTW.</div>

sparent2010

You should do something. They have spent both time and money on you and  your wedding day. You should thank them- like Adamar said a card with something nice written and/or make some cookies. Look on Etsy for something cute that is not too expensive.

I think a girl on here saiid she was going to do movie gift baskets- like a dvd, popcorn, blanket and wine. SOmething as simple as that is fine.

mbody

You should do something to thank them for being your BMs. Like PPs said, write a nice card. Maybe you can have them over to your house and cook a dinner & bake some dessert for them. That would a lot cheaper than going out and I'm sure they would appreciate it. Gifts don't have to be expensive.

[Deleted User]

Didn't even think of that. Thank you so much! I also saw a cute candle idea that I may be able to DIY fairly inexpensively if funds work out last minute. I just didn't want to come across as cheap & I felt pressure after the BM asked. And thank you. I thought it was a bit rude too & it kind of put me in a position where now I afraid to not give exquisite gifts.

AdeleDazeem

You have three children and your father isn't funding your wedding?  I'm shocked.

Carla1019

The last time I was a BM I received a handwritten thank you note and a scented candle. I loved it.
 
If your BMs are true friends they won't care about the cost of your gift.

[Deleted User]

Thank you everyone! These are all GREAT ideas! I can definitely work with these. I appreciate it immensely! @Joy2611, he was never funding the wedding, he just offered to give us some help. Just slightly disappointed more in the fact that he blatantly lied to me. The lying part is more upsetting than the lack of money. I am all about honesty & people keeping their word. We were always funding it all ourselves. I'd never expect him to full fund my wedding at my age. Lol. (I'm 33) It was just a big relief when he offered his help. But such is life & that is a toally different topic. Lol

MyUserName1

I'd do a handwritten note, pick up frames at the dollar tree and put a picture of myself with each girl in the frames for them.  Thoughtful and super cheap.

mica178

That came out a little harshly, Joy.

While it's disappointing that your father didn't give you the money he'd promised, I think it's a bad idea in general to count on funds that haven't already been given.  Bird in hand and all that.

lyndausvi

I'm sorry to say but this is your second post about how stressed your are about this wedding.    

The first one is do I have to tip because I'm broke.  The second is do I really have to give a gift to the people I've chosen to buy dresses (and any other accessories that might be need) and are giving up their time for you.

This might be mean, but maybe it's time to re-evaluate your wedding plans. I'm concerned about someone trying to get out of WP gifts and tipping 8 months out from their wedding.  You have plenty of time to make cuts to make this process less stressful.

Serendipty11

I think a handwritten note would go a long ways. I know I'd cherish a heartfelt note more than I would any gift. That and maybe having them over for dinner or something to spend time together. I'd rather spend time with a friend than have her worrying about money on a gift, but that's just me. 

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-gifts-must?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:026923dd-7560-453c-80bf-21ca3eb3f500Post:bf6070dd-3b19-41a0-93b0-dc571d93cb3d">Re: Are Bridesmaids gifts a must?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you everyone! These are all GREAT ideas! I can definitely work with these. I appreciate it immensely! @Joy2611, he was never funding the wedding, he just offered to give us some help. Just slightly disappointed more in the fact that he blatantly lied to me. The lying part is more upsetting than the lack of money. I am all about honesty & people keeping their word. We were always funding it all ourselves. I'd never expect him to full fund my wedding at my age. Lol. (I'm 33) :) It was just a big relief when he offered his help. But such is life & that is a toally different topic. Lol :)
Posted by cvmami78[/QUOTE]

Aw, I'm sorry.  If he promised to help and then renegged, that's tough.

Best of luck!

misssunshine17

I was in a wedding, and I'm not proud to admit, I was peeved that I didn't get anything, not even a note. I spent hundreds of dollars on wedding related things (including the party I know I chose to throw) and the bride did nothing. Another wedding gave inexpensive jewelry from etsy. Look around, you can find earring under $5 a pair. I honestly think you should get something, along with a heartfelt note. 

mica178

I agree.  I would love a pretty framed picture of myself and my dear friend and a nice note as a BM gift.

[Deleted User]

In response to me "counting on" the money, I guess I should have been clearer. I was already planning the wedding as if we were paying for it ALL ourselves. But I had hoped that my father would actually helped. I can still have my wedding, but with childrens futures to think of, I was hoping to not have to cut most things out if we got a little help. But I am ok with cutting things out. This day is about love & our family, not what everyone else thinks, so if it doesn't turn out as I had always dreamed it would, I am ok with that. The end result will still be the same. Also, I was under the impression that I had to get them rather expensive gifts, thus the post. As I stated one of my BMs asked about her gift & wanted me to buy her jewelry, pay for makeup & hair, etc so that put pressure on me. But you all (well to be honest, not all of you) have made me feel better. Now I know that I don't have to feel pressured to buy them diamonds, etc. Thanks again!

musicalsunlight

I am pretty strapped for cash but I got all my BMs a little something that was individual to them and not too expensive when I was on my HM in Hawaii. I can't wait to give them their gifts, so there are inexpensive ideas out there! Not everything has to be monogrammed or crystal.

Habs2Hart

If your bridesmaid asks for you to pay for her jewellery, hair and makeup, just tell her you aren't requiring them to have anything specific done for the wedding, so she can decide whether or not she wants to get her hair and makeup for the wedding, and she can wear whatever jewellery she choses. 

chelseamb11

I agree with the "why did you count on the money to begin with?" line.  It seems really odd to me that you planned a lot of stuff "hoping" that your dad would contribute.

maribeth721

It costs a lot of money and a lot of time to be in someones wedding. A lot. You def should not skip this. Cut corners somewhere else, but definitely not there. I would be offended if I was one of your bridesmaids and I didn't at least get a card or something personal from you. As far as the BM asking about the gift, I agree, kind of rude.

jessicabessica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-gifts-must?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:026923dd-7560-453c-80bf-21ca3eb3f500Post:f989c142-c1ca-4cbe-9acb-89090907030c">Re: Are Bridesmaids gifts a must?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am pretty strapped for cash but I got all my BMs a little something that was individual to them and not too expensive when I was on my HM in Hawaii. I can't wait to give them their gifts, so there are inexpensive ideas out there! Not everything has to be monogrammed or crystal. ;)
Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]

If my friend didn't get me a gift for being in her wedding because of finances but could afford a honeymoon in Hawai'i immediately after the wedding, that would rub me the wrong way.  I know people get to pick how they spend their money, but that just doesn't seem like the right prioritization. 

I'm not at all implying that's what you did--I love receiving small gifts people picked out for me while on vacation and your gifts sound great--but your post just made me think about that. 

mrszeno34

I saw these and thought they were cute - it's a thank you card with a detachable bookmark.  $5.00 each... don't know if this is something your gals would like, but passing it along!

http://www.annsbridalbargains.com/Clearance/2656-AWF19088-Bridesmaid-Thank-You-with-Bookmark.pro

musicalsunlight

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridesmaids-gifts-must?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:026923dd-7560-453c-80bf-21ca3eb3f500Post:57d818e6-b221-46e0-a394-b5125cfe86d7">Re: Are Bridesmaids gifts a must?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are Bridesmaids gifts a must? : If my friend didn't get me a gift for being in her wedding because of finances but could afford a honeymoon in Hawai'i immediately after the wedding, that would rub me the wrong way.  I know people get to pick how they spend their money, but that just doesn't seem like the right prioritization.  I'm not at all implying that's what you did--I love receiving small gifts people picked out for me while on vacation and your gifts sound great--but your post just made me think about that. 
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]


Well, I didn't pay for my HM. So there's that.

rebarobert2012

I don't think that you should skip getting them a gift.  It's expensive to be in someone's wedding, and you really should let them know that you appreciate them being in your wedding.  The gifts don't have to be expensive.  I love the idea of the handwritten note and a cute picture of you with your bridesmaids.  I would love receiving something like that.

mollyehren

Are you doing a honeymoon. Cut back or delay that for a while and you can afford to tip your vendors and buy bridesmaid AND groomsman giftss.

chumlee7478

My answer is yes, they should get a gift, no matter how small, but thoughtful. I budgeted gifts in from the beginning, and it's not hurting our budget now.  The jewelry I want them to wear for the wedding is not something I'd consider a gift since I want it worn on the day of the wedding, but that might just be me.

Here's why I'm making sure my girls know I'm grateful for everything: I was a BM in a friend's wedding a few years ago.  I spent a small fortune on the dress, alterations, shoes, etc., alone, before getting into the shower, parties, etc.  Happy to do it for a friend, no problem.  The night of the RD, she hands us our gifts.  Jewelry required for the wedding (that turned my neck, wrist and fingers green and gave me an allergic reaction), a mandatory manicure gift card (everyone's polish HAD to match), and a scented soap that I was also allergic to (which she knew, because when she asked if I was allergic to lilies, I said yes, so she didn't put them in bouquets).  She then proceeded to tell us that she gave us what she could because she asked to many of us to buy us "nice gifts".  That turned my stomach, I thought it was really rude.   I didn't expect anything, but to be told "suck it up, I asked too many people to be thoughtful with gifts" was not OK, in my opinion. 

erajody

Try going to the dollar tree or whatever dollar store is in your area..get the decorating rocks... and the glass coasters that are a dollar... put the things you love about each of the wp on a rock.. you know funny, or sweet, or supportive,, things like that.. put them on the coasters and wrap in cellophane.. voila.. a heartfelt gift that each of them will cherish.

kennazebrowsky

A nice card and maybe a Gc to Starbucks would be nice and thoughtfull

Stina2012

Is it too late to not have bridesmaids? What if plans do truly change and you do need to downsize the wedding...for your children's futures and all, ya know? Why not just scale back the entire affair? What's the thinking on going from havings BMs to having none? So, not kicking out a single BM, but now having no bridesmaids?

JacklovesSarah

There's always the dollar store!

Joking!


You could always try some "antique" junk stores. They usually sell things pretty cheap. Like sweet and pretty tea cups or whatever.