How to politely inform people they are not invited

run262131

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine this would be an issue. My FI and I are second time arounders. We have, together, five children. We are getting married in June and I have one semester of graduate school left. The purpose of the background information is that we have a VERY LIMITED BUDGET!!!  As such, we have found a great venue which will suit our needs and price range. We are also doing lots and lots of DIY. He is fab FI. Ok so the problem. Our ceremony and reception is going to be small. We are inviting a total of 60 people. Our immediate families make up about 15 of that (big honkin family). Anyway, my family live out of state. There are individuals we have decided not to invite because of budget issue and even if budget wasnt an issue, quite frankly we are not close and they are not very supportive. The issue is there are SEVERAL family members (mine inparticular), who think they are coming/invited. The save the dates go out next week. How do I politely tell people the wedding is by direct invitation only? In understand some may not agree and think if your family wants to make the effort then let them come. However, there are a lot of personal reasons I live over 2000 miles away and while I love them dearly, there are certain family members who are attention seekers. OK, advice please...I dont want to sound like a bridezilla BUT HELP!!!

CFM102012

Unless they directly ask you if they are invited, don't say anything.  They'll get the hint when they don't get an STD or an invitation.  If they do ask you, just tell them that you are keeping it small for budget reasons and aren't able to invite everyone you had wanted to invite. Then change the subject.

run262131

Thank you thank you thank you!!!  I will so use the "we are having a small wedding" line

I think I was surprised there were family members self- inviting.

Cortney1982

How will they come if you don't send them an invite?  They won't know where it's at, what time, etc.

If they ask, tell them it wasn't in your budget to invite everybody.

rlavach

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_politely-inform-people-not-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:02ae6b47-587e-4bc6-b5a2-99bd859e1b28Post:61348600-9d4f-45b3-baa7-a979db4284ed">Re: How to politely inform people they are not invited</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't directly tell someone they are not invited. They will figure it out when they don't receive STDs and an invitation. If someone is rude enough to ask, just say "We are having a small wedding. Thanks for asking.  What's new with you?" Don't blame it on budget or space because that just gives people something to fight you on. Your parents can also help spread the word that it's a small wedding if someone in the family starts talking about it.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
This<div>
</div><div>I never agree with the advice of telling people 'it's due to budget/space resitrictions.' Although that is true, and I am not advising any to lie, that is just none of their business. They aren't invited. End of story. They don't need an explanation. If they keep pushing, I just say 'well, we can't invite everyone, can we!' in a joking tone, then move on. </div>

Loopyseven

I hate it when Duds responds before I get to it cause she always gives the best answer so then I'm left with... "what she said."

ginadog

We ran into this over the holidays seeing aunts and uncles, "Soooo, we hear there is a wedding in the family????"  It was awkward, but I quickly threw out the "We're keeping it small with immediate family and close friends."  That seemed to work.