FMIL drama... the usual

jeanacorina

I think I just need to vent this. So FMIL is getting involved in the wedding, which is good... but she's trying to take it in directions I didn't intend for it to go.

FI's sister is a bridesmaid. The ONLY things I wanted from bridesmaids were "Wear a short Alfred Angelo dress in the color Violet." FMIL is now tyring to argue that since it's an EVENING wedding, the dresses should be LONG. Well, my other 2 bridesmaids were thrilled to wear short dresses, and they've ordered already. FSIL seemed into the idea, too. I mean, do I care REALLY if she gets a long dress? Nah. Whatever. But.... ALL I asked was SHORT and VIOLET. I thought I was being reasonable. WTF?

Also, because it's an EVENING wedding, FMIL talked FI out of charcoal gray suits and into black. Not a big deal, really. I don't care. But.... why does it matter so much to her if they're dark gray or black? She's trying to formalize my semi-formal, lighthearted wedding.

It's LOUISIANA in JUNE, people. It will be 90 degrees! And I'm not getting married at the country club or in a Catholic church (which she has slyly mentioned she wishes we were), it's in a courtyard of a small, intimate, classy venue.

And don't even get me started on the guest list. She keeps trying to guilt me into adding more of her friends.... but we agreed on family-only (and FI's family is HUGE). My parents are paying and THEY aren't even inviting friends. I just feel like she's trying to do to me what she's done to FI all his life--- guilt guilt guilt until she gets what SHE wants.... and I am a reasonable freakin' person but DANG is she bugging me.

Phew. I feel better.

shellydiane820

I think you should tell your fi to talk to her to back off a little.  Especially about the guest list.  This is your wedding and you should invite people you and your fi want there.

ring_pop

You'd better hope for the sake of your marriage that your FI learns to stand up to her and her guilt-tripping.

Lots of parents make big deals out of stupid details. I found that the best way to deal with it was to wave them off. For example:

Bad idea:
FMIL: The girls HAVE to wear LONG dresses! It's an evening reception!!!
You: No they don't! I told them to wear SHORT dresses and that's THAT!
Much arguing ensues.

Better:
FMIL: The girls HAVE to wear LONG dresses!
You: Meh. I've got better things to worry about. Whatever.
It's hard for her to respond to that.

redheadfsu

Just tell FMIL that the other girls have already ordered their dresses, sorry. She can't really argue that.

Guest list is harder, but just say unfortunately the budget & venue require a smaller guest list, sorry... how about this weather.

But, vent all you need b/c the FILs can get under the skin.

betrothed123

Ditto the other ladies.  FI needs to learn to stand up to her.  This will not end with the wedding.

banana468

Ditto the others.  Your FI (not you)  needs to say, "Mom, the budget is to invite X many people and that's it."

Honestly, this speaks volumes for the issues in your marriage.  You'll need to come up with a game plan asap for how to deal with the times when what his mother wants are not what the two of you would like.

It's not that easy and DH and I STILL have to work on that - but he needs to understand that by going with her every time, he's acting as the bad husband. 

JessAndTrav

When it comes to little details such as what your WP is wearing, the decision is yours. All of those little details go toward building up the ambiance of the wedding that you've envisioned. 

I suggest that you kindly talk to her and ask her to respect your final decisions.

As far as the guest list goes, give her a number of people that she can invite and then once she's used them, that's it.

I would talk to your FI about talking to her for you. It's his mother. I had DH do those types of dealings with his family.

polichik

Yeah... Boundary issues that show up during the wedding will stick aroung long after. Does your FI realize that he's encouraging her meddling by agreeing to her suit color demands? Does he even feel like she's being unreasonable? You guys need to get on the same page, fast.

For now, I'd just stop mentioning wedding-related stuff around her.  If she keeps trying to get you to change things, just say "Thanks for your opinion! I'll take that into consideration." Then don't

CMM724

Wow it sounds like my FMIL!  Not the dress part (my mother isn't happy with short dresses, but she came around), FMIL drops into the convo with her friends when I'm right there all the things we're not doing that she suggested, well help us pay for it and suggest away!  I'd love to say that to her, but it will only cause more drama.  She also has way more guests to invite and shes going to need to drop some....

Best advice I have been given is to smile and nod all while singing your favorite FU song in your head.  Plus its your wedding she's had hers...I try to remember that too.