Planning our Wedding vow renewnal

christsgurl

Anything I should know about planning a wedding vow renewnal ceremony ect I plan on planning it similar to a normal wedding (only different cuz we already are married) but we ended having to elope because of family drama, so we never got the weddding we really wanted and everyhing was just put together last min pretty much sigh anyways

TheSlowskys

You're already married. Just because you didn't get the wedding you wanted doesn't mean you get a do over. Everyone has to make compromises and most people don't get their dream wedding. There's a board for vow renewals.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_planning-our-wedding-vow-renewnal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:02be6660-1bf2-4913-b5a2-a9f46adde736Post:6a02e148-b8b6-4b77-9f7c-b21cd9e1cfeb">Re:Planning our Wedding vow renewnal</a>:
[QUOTE]You're already married. Just because you didn't get the wedding you wanted doesn't mean you get a do over. Everyone has to make compromises and most people don't get their dream wedding. There's a board for vow renewals.
Posted by TheSlowskys[/QUOTE]
This is true, but people ask about VRs all the time here. <div>
</div><div>OP, I'm assuming that everyone knows you're married? As long as you aren't pretending that you aren't married and make it clear that it is a VR I think you'll be fine. </div><div>I would probably skip the first dances (you know, since it's not your first dance).</div>

christsgurl

well yeah we have been married for a few years, & even before we got eloped I always wanted to have a wedding vow renewnal. I won't be expecting any gifts or anything I just want to have it actually mostly because I think it would be nice to renew our vows

J&K10910

I wonder if the whole family drama will really be any different now?

christsgurl

btw where is the wedding vow renewnal broad I didnt see it

starrynight84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_planning-our-wedding-vow-renewnal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:02be6660-1bf2-4913-b5a2-a9f46adde736Post:94a21626-04f5-4b70-bc00-5c424da80bd2">Re: Planning our Wedding vow renewnal</a>:
[QUOTE]I wonder if the whole family drama will really be any different now?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>I was wondering the same thing. What is different in your family now?</div><div>
</div><div> It sounds like you feel unhappy that you rushed through the process and didn't get to enjoy yourself. Could you plan a private vow renewal where you take your time and really choose everything you want? If you do have a vow renewal with guests, I would make it very small and intimate. I don't think many people are interested in watching a couple renew their vows a few years after they are already married (ETA- though I could be wrong).</div>

J&K10910

Your ticker confuses me.  I'm pretty sure your baby would be waaaaay bigger than a watermelon if you're 135 weeks pregnant.

seesawgirl

How long have you been married?

 I have to be honest, I would be really judgy of someone that threw together a vow renewal just because they want the "experience" of a wedding. People on these boards call that a "pretty princess day", and you will be openly mocked for doing something like that, so be forewarned. 

Many people say that a vow renewal is fine just as long as you are honest that its not a wedding (I've heard of lots of people lying to their family and guests) if you don't wear a wedding dress, don't do a cake cake cutting, no first dances, etc, but I think the whole point of having a renewal hinges on things like WHY you are doing it, and how long you have been married.

Personally, I wouldn't care if you wore a bikini and everyone paraded around in grass skirts, I would still judge the fact that you feel like your elopement wasn't good enough, and that you want a fancy redo.

I have attended two vow renewals recently, that I think are both the model of how/why a vow renewal should be done. They were both beautiful, tasteful, and inspiring. 

The first couple had been married for 30 years, and the renewal was on their anniversary. They have been through hell the past 5 years, with the wife being in a debilitating car accident, leaving her partially paralyzed, and it almost tore their marriage apart. They made it through it, and her husband proposed to her all over again. 

The second couple has been married 15 years, and were on the brink of divorce when the husband was called up to go to Iraq. That made them realize what was important in their relationship, and they said when/if he made it home, they would renew their vows and they did. 

Both "brides" wore a wedding dress, they both had a cake, both of the couples had attendants. The first couple danced to the song that was their first dance 30 years ago. 

They carried bouquets, people made toasts, etc. But that was because both of these couples had something to celebrate, they weren't just throwing an expensive party because they wanted a bunch of attention lavished on them. 

So, yeah, my opinion is that unless you have made it to a milestone anniversary, or have had some sort of life altering incident in your life that has made renewing your vows meaningful...I would wait. Just my two cents. 

christsgurl

At first I think I wanted it to re-do my wedding, but now that I've been married for almost 3 years, I realize I don't want to do a wedding vow renewnal because of that I want to do it because I am celebrating our marriage espically since it hasn't been easy, I don't want it to be a ton of people anyways, just the people that have given us support in our relationship & have been there for us. I know there will be some people there that didn't want us to get married...or be together at all, that have finally maybe stopped hating me & him.
But either way I think everyone who we are planning on inviting won't think of it as me just trying to have a "pretty princess day"

BTW: lol my ticker is pretty old I have to update it

TheSlowskys

If there are challenges those are between you and your husband. Even when people go through difficult times I don't get it that's life and that's what you promised each other in the first place. Your vows don't expire. Keep it small, I assure you no one will be thrilled to attend. Apologies I thought there was a vr board but I'm not seeing it. Try idotaketwo.com Unless you keep it just you and your H it is just an aw party for yourself. I just find them tacky with a capital t. Something invented by the wedding industry to milk more money out of people but making it ok that once wasn't enough.

seesawgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_planning-our-wedding-vow-renewnal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:02be6660-1bf2-4913-b5a2-a9f46adde736Post:83ed4315-3751-41b6-a39a-eee269cceeba">Re: Planning our Wedding vow renewnal</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>At first I think I wanted it to re-do my wedding,</strong> but now that I've been married for almost 3 years, I realize I don't want to do a wedding vow renewnal because of that I want to do it because<strong> I am celebrating our marriage </strong>espically since it hasn't been easy, I don't want it to be a ton of people anyways, just the people that have given us support in our relationship & have been there for us. I know there will be some people there that didn't want us to get married...or be together at all, that have finally maybe stopped hating me & him. But either way I think everyone who we are planning on inviting won't think of it as me just trying to have a "pretty princess day" BTW: lol my ticker is pretty old I have to update it
Posted by christsgurl[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I have to say,I really respect your honesty about this. It doesn't change my opinion, but, I respect you being honest about your motivation. </div><div>
</div><div>If you are truly just wanting to celebrate your marriage, the best advice I can give is to have a tasteful party to do just that. The only advice I can give, etiquette wise, is based on what I would do. I wouldn't walk down an aisle. I would maybe host dinner and drinks, and after the dinner, show some pictures from our wedding and our marriage, then take a few moments where DH and I tell each other how much we love one another, reflect on the past, and make some promises and goals for the future. I wouldn't have a minister lead it, I would keep it completely about us celebrating our marriage.</div><div>
</div><div>I could see having one or two close friends stand up with us, to recognize them as being a source of support, and I could see exchanging upgraded rings. I would probably wear a white dress, but it wouldn't be a poofy wedding gown.  </div><div>
</div><div>I still can't see doing all this until we at least made it to ten years though.</div>

Simply Fated

I think the sort of thing you're looking for is an anniversary party. I'd wait for a milestone, like 5 or 10 years, and invite a few close people to celebrate the fact that you are still married. I'm not sure what the purpose of having a vow renewal is in your case.

Summer2011Bride

I agree with doing an anniversary party in your case. It can still be a large party with good food, drinks, a band/DJ, you can wear a nice dress (but I wouldn't wear a wedding gown) and you can celebrate your marriage with friends and family. I just personally think vow renewals should be reserved for milestone anniversaries (10, 20, etc) or after an illness, separation, deployment, etc.

The reasons you listed: we've made it through difficult times, people haven't been supportive--I think maybe if everyone's on the same page now, just throwing a party will be better than doing a vow renewal/sort of second wedding all over again. Especially if some people are just coming around to the idea of you two together.

gmcr78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_planning-our-wedding-vow-renewnal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:02be6660-1bf2-4913-b5a2-a9f46adde736Post:34e1b2b8-c68d-4d40-b644-210dce693ca8">Re:Planning our Wedding vow renewnal</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Planning our Wedding vow renewnal : I disagree.  I've attended several lovely vow renewals and always been happy to attend. As long as it is truly a VR and not a do-over wedding, I love getting together to celebrate relationships of my friends and family. 
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
I agree with Stage.  I attended one a year after the couple was married.  They didn't marry in the church b/c she thought she couldn't due to her divorce.  Then she found out that her church was ok with it, so they did a VR a year later to have their marriage blessed by the church.  It was casual, and they had food/drinks at their house afterward to celebrate.  It was really fun and everyone was happy to be there.

Julie2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_planning-our-wedding-vow-renewnal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:02be6660-1bf2-4913-b5a2-a9f46adde736Post:032a75a5-931e-488e-a7a6-c526a058d5a1">Planning our Wedding vow renewnal</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Anything I should know about planning a wedding vow renewnal ceremony ect</strong> I plan on planning it similar to a normal wedding (only different cuz we already are married) but we ended having to elope because of family drama, so we never got the weddding we really wanted and everyhing was just put together last min pretty much sigh anyways
Posted by christsgurl[/QUOTE]

Christsgurl, I'm relatively new here, but I've got a few handy things for you to know that I've found out through my own research into vow renewals:

1. There isn't a board for Vow Renewals here on The Knot and a bunch of us would love to see that happen. Send them a note! If enough people do so, maybe TK will consider it!

2. Opinions vary widely on the topic of vow renewals. What is acceptable among your family and friends may not be in other areas of the United States (or other countries). In some circles, a wedding gown for a renewal is acceptable, but not so much in others. That goes for pretty much all the traditions involved with weddings and whether or not it will be socially acceptable for your renewal to contain them. I guess that should be no surprise to any of us doing renewals, since weddings are pretty much the same way. Some of the lavish weddings I see pictures and plans of here on TK would be frowned upon as excessive and ridiculous in my area, but perfectly fine in their social circles. It all depends on your point of reference, I think.

3. I'd suggest if you are worried about what the people you would invite to this think, ask them. It would be easier to decide what to do from there. If all your friends and family feel it would be weird and you don't want a day of people looking down their noses at you, maybe a destination wedding without them would be a better way to repeat your vows with your beloved. If the general consensus is that they want to see you both dressed to the 9s like a Royal Wedding, you can do it and know they'll be there with bells on! And then there are those who don't really care what others think one way or another ... they'll do what they want to do, when they want to do it, and be happy campers, but that's probably not you since you are here wondering about the etiquette, right?

4. Google "vow renewal" and you'll come up with all kinds of pictures, videos, articles, and blogs/online diaries of other couples' renewals. It's fun to see the variety.

I hope some of that helps. Blessings to you and yours!

Julie