Advice to a Bride on how to handle a BM situation.

AL8098

We have a couple who is in our wedding party who got engaged after us this year and also asked us to stand up in their wedding. 

Now I have another BM who just got engaged and I've known this girl since kindergarten.  She ended up booking her wedding date for the Friday before the Saturday wedding I'm standing up in. 

The problem...I still plan to attend rehearsal and rehearsal dinner that Friday night for the Saturday wedding.  However, I would like to take vacation from work to attend this other girls ceremony during the day on Friday.  The first girl is having a fit b/c she wanted the girls to take vacation on Friday for her wedding prep...like all going together to get manicures and pedicures.

How to I end this argument so that we don't all have to go through a year of drama planning all of our weddings?  The girl getting married on Friday is my longest friendship and I get that I have prior obligations for Friday night with rehearsal/dinner and will miss her reception but I refuse to miss her ceremony as well.  Help!

TTiger03

Before you decide to skip the rehearsal all together, talk to Saturday bride and make sure you won't be missing any important instruction for the ceremony.  I know most of us just have our WP walk down the aisle in a specific order and stand there, but I also know I am incredibly detail oriented and would be in a minor panic if someone wasn't there.  If it is a simple ceremony with a small WP you might be able to convince the bride to let one of the other bridesmaids help you make sure you know where you need to be and when.

Before anyone jumps on me, I'm not saying I deserve more than my day for my wedding.  I do think you should go to the Friday wedding and try to make it to the rehearsal if you can.  I agree that it's not fair for a bride to expect you to be there for the "extras" if you can't make it.  I was MOH for a friend a couple years ago.  She was angry that only one of her bridesmaids could make it to town the Thursday before her Saturday wedding for a mini bachelorette party.  She was really angry that I refused to take two days off work to travel and spend the better part of two days waiting around for her party and rehearsal those evenings. 

I do think, however, that the rehearsal isn't really an "extra".  

AL8098

I don't know yet if he'll be able to attend the Friday wedding with me.  He doesn't have as much vacation time at work as I do and with our wedding and honeymoon next year, I don't know how his schedule will work out yet.  Like I said, we have 8 weddings next year, including our own, and we will try to work out everything equally as best as we can.

squirrly

I'd call Saturday bride one last time, tell her you're not dealing with petty, childish behavior about all of this, and that if she'd like to call or meet up to calmly discuss the situation you'd be happy to do so.  However, if she doesn't, you'll be making your own plans for Friday, she can have Saturday, and you'll let her know what your Friday plans are the next time she talk to you.

Honestly, though - if she's going to be this difficult, I might decline to stand up in her wedding.