Help! People are inviting themselves to our wedding...

susefogt

ACK. I saw a similar post below, but not quite the same situation. We do not have big families, but one of my fiance's aunts and my aunts have assumed that we are inviting our cousins' significant others to our wedding... we're not super close to these cousins and we've NEVER met their significant others. We are not having an "and guest" wedding - it's a small, intimate venue and we are limited space-wise, money-wise, and frankly don't want people assuming that they are invited! How is this best communicated? Thanks!

squirrly

Your cousin's SOs aren't "and guests".  They're SOs.  They get invites if your cousins get invites.  It really doesn't matter if you haven't met them or how long they've been together - if they're serious enough that the cousin's PARENTS view them as an item, so should you.

Beachy730

Ditto squirrly.  How would you like it if one of your cousin's got married and didn't invite your FI because they barely know him?  Make room for the SO's in the guest list, or don't invite the cousins at all.

chocoholic4life

How old are these cousins and how "significant" are their others?  The only exceptions I can justify making would be if they are young (jr. high or high school aged) or if they have only been with their SOs for a very short time.  However, if their parents are considering their relationships to be significant enough to go to a wedding and meet the whole family, you might want to think twice about inviting them.

ekilzer1

My rule about SOs- if they have been together for more than a year they need to be invited.

orangecrush32

If people are assuming they should be invited, then they probably should. It's not like you're giving them a plus one meaning they could bring anyone they found on the street, you are inviting them and their SO.

I think that on the invite to the cousins you should include their SO's name and not just say plus one as well.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-inviting-themselves-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:02f114b5-fc4c-45ac-8e62-1c8171a54a48Post:b8e0eff4-6fe1-45d5-ab0b-864bc03c2f6f">Re: Help! People are inviting themselves to our wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]My rule about SOs- if they have been together for more than a year they need to be invited.
Posted by ekilzer1[/QUOTE]

<div>Seriously, a full year?  H and I were engaged just over a year after we started dating.  We considered ourselves serious after about 2 months, so I would have been really offended if I was one of your guests.  </div><div>
</div><div>There really is no general length of time you can put on a relationship to consider it serious.  Every relationship is different, and it's not fair to judge them all by the same standards.</div>

waitingformay

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-inviting-themselves-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:02f114b5-fc4c-45ac-8e62-1c8171a54a48Post:ba0ac950-01bc-4ef0-a427-f3ef94757ae5">Re: Help! People are inviting themselves to our wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! People are inviting themselves to our wedding... : Seriously, a full year?  H and I were engaged just over a year after we started dating.  We considered ourselves serious after about 2 months, so I would have been really offended if I was one of your guests.   There really is no general length of time you can put on a relationship to consider it serious.  Every relationship is different, and it's not fair to judge them all by the same standards.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree. We were engaged after less than a year of dating. Actually, I was invited to a wedding without him after we had been together for 4 months and I was sad I couldn't bring him. I went anyway but I missed him during slow dances.

</div>

redheadfsu

Yeah, the SOs are assuming they are invited, because they should be. It would be really rude/tacky/insulting if you didn't invite them.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-inviting-themselves-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:02f114b5-fc4c-45ac-8e62-1c8171a54a48Post:b8e0eff4-6fe1-45d5-ab0b-864bc03c2f6f">Re: Help! People are inviting themselves to our wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]My rule about SOs- if they have been together for more than a year they need to be invited.
Posted by ekilzer1[/QUOTE]

Not your call.  People have gotten married in less time than that.  You do not get to decide how serious someone else's relationship is.  Once they're together, by their own definition, they might as well be Siamese twins.  Either they both get invites or neither one. 

cadaley24

I feel that your aunts have no right in inviting extra people, therefore you need to tell your aunts that your cousins are not invited, due to the fact that you only want close family & friends and your cousins are not apart of this equation.

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-inviting-themselves-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:02f114b5-fc4c-45ac-8e62-1c8171a54a48Post:0363ffa7-633b-4887-9009-3f1407164031">Re: Help! People are inviting themselves to our wedding...</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel that your aunts have no right in inviting extra people, therefore you need to tell your aunts that your cousins are not invited, due to the fact that you only want close family & friends and your cousins are not apart of this equation.
Posted by cadaley24[/QUOTE]

First of all, did you even read the post?  She is complaining about her cousins' SO's being invited.  Not the cousins.

Second, please do not post about etiquette if you don't know about it.  It doesn't matter if you only want close friends and family at your wedding.  If those close friends and family are in a serious relationship, regardless of how well you know their SO, they need to be invited with their SO. 

susefogt

Ok folks. Thanks -- all set.