Beer and Wine hosted only....dilemma

Pookieson

I posted regarding something else and this giant mole hill of alcohol etiquette opened up, so I am here for advice.
BG: We are hosting beer, wine and champagne.  The venue will not close the bar to other alcohol.  So if someone said, "I want a rum and coke"  they would pour the drink and then charge them.  I DO NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN.  I was making a very light, funny (or what I consider funny) reception program that basically says beer and wine are hosted at the bar.  Is there a better way to express this.  I'm not telling guests anything is available for purchase because I don't want them to pay, but I can't stop anyone.  Suggestions?

Knottie_22382102

You can make a sign that says "Host Menu"  and list what you are hosting.

GoodLuckBear14

And make sure that anyone who asks about anything else is told by the bartender that what is requested is not being hosted and that it costs $x.xx before it is poured.  I'm afraid this one is out of your control.

Pookieson

Thanks ladies

MoonlightSilver

Definitely put something on the physical bar, since some people wont see or read the programs. Just list what you're hosting. 

I like GoodLuckBear's suggestion that you ask the bartender to let guests know how much something will cost before he/she pours it.

Peledreamsofrain

Skip the programs and put a framed 'hosted menu' on the bar itself.

Pookieson

the programs have that Ispy game that is floating around pinterest on them.  We went to a wedding and the bride and groom had this and all the guests liked participating so we thought we'd give it a try.

Kate61487

I think programs are fine, just no need to mention the bar situation in them.

Ditto PPs on both other points.  If you've got a posted menu (or several, so it's visible from anywhere along the bar) and the bartender tells a guest the cost BEFORE pouring that is the best you can do.

Knottie_22382049

You can still have your programs but have a framed sign up at the bar listing the hosted drinks. Also I agree with instructing the bartenders to notify guests of the cost of non hosted drinks before pouring. It does suck that the bar will not remove the non hosted drinks for your wedding. 

Pookieson

I know.  We were going to pay for the price of liquor on top of the beer and wine that the future inlaws are hosting, but they got offended and made  remark about "beer and wine" not being good enough for us.  We don't want to seem ungrateful, so we are considering doing a specialty cocktail and treading lightly on the issue. 

STARMOON44

So you're having a cash bar, in essence. I'd pick up the tab on liquor. If you didn't want to host your guests fully at this venue, you shouldn't have picked it. Tell FI's parents it's not about being too good for beer, it's about wanting to start married life with generosity.

OwningAHome1981

The programs are for the ceremony not the reception. It wouldn't make sense to put them in there. Likely programs will get thrown out anyway. Best bet is to have a sign by the bar listing what is hosted. While I think a cash bar is rude if everything is having to be paid for by the guests, I do think that is IS fine to host only beer, wine and champagne. You never have to host a full bar.

Guests shouldn't have to open their wallets although if there ARE free beverages available, it's not really a cash bar b/c no one is forcing those guests to have something else. It isn't like nothing is hosted. If they want to pay for a hard drink, they will. You can't really stop it but it is your job to properly inform guests of what you are providing free.

GoodLuckBear14

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_beer-and-wine-hosted-onlydilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:030ffa86-2284-4fbd-a982-f21d56565441Post:21730540-5f01-4734-920c-3275b0c9fa04">Re:Beer and Wine hosted only....dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]So you're having a cash bar, in essence. I'd pick up the tab on liquor. If you didn't want to host your guests fully at this venue, you shouldn't have picked it. Tell FI's parents it's not about being too good for beer, it's about wanting to start married life with generosity.
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

Have you priced cash bars recently?  Ours cost more than the food.  This is a partially hosted bar and the cash par tis out of her control. I think you are new to wedding planning today because it is not the responsibility of the groom's parents to pay for the bar.</div>

STARMOON44

No, I'm not new to bar pricing. Of course it isn't the groom's parents responsibity to pay. It's the couple's responsibility to fully host their guests, which means no guest pulls out a wallet. If you don't want to pay for liquor, you need to chose a venue that permits that option. If you haven't, you need to pay.

Pookieson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_beer-and-wine-hosted-onlydilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:030ffa86-2284-4fbd-a982-f21d56565441Post:7797e513-e6e8-4287-9a73-b75c29c284b7">Re:Beer and Wine hosted only....dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]No, I'm not new to bar pricing. Of course it isn't the groom's parents responsibity to pay. It's the couple's responsibility to fully host their guests, which means no guest pulls out a wallet. If you don't want to pay for liquor, you need to chose a venue that permits that option. If you haven't, you need to pay.
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

This is insane to me.  We could host a full bar but it is VERY expensive so we thought of doing a signature drink but it totally depends if budget permits or not.  We have a huge guest list and it is literally the only venue around that had an indoor space for that many people (and we are still travelling 30 minutes).  I don't think we HAVE to host a full bar, beer and wine are reasonable and fine etiquette wise.  I think you are off base.

PrettyGirlLost

We are going to do a similar thing for our wedding- beer, wine, and a signature drink- not a full, open bar.

My FI and I asked the site coordinator how to handle the exact situation you mentioned, and she told us that the bartenders are used to these situations and know how to respond accordingly.  Also, we will have a list of all the hosted beverage items framed and posted at the bars.

Crap. . . I just now realized I forgot to ask about non-alcoholic options and details, doh!

ETA: So just for clarity, is a limited hosted bar with signage of what is being hosted considered rude?

GoodLuckBear14

<div align="left">In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_beer-and-wine-hosted-onlydilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:030ffa86-2284-4fbd-a982-f21d56565441Post:7797e513-e6e8-4287-9a73-b75c29c284b7">Re:Beer and Wine hosted only....dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]No, I'm not new to bar pricing. Of course it isn't the groom's parents responsibity to pay. It's the couple's responsibility to fully host their guests, which means no guest pulls out a wallet. If you don't want to pay for liquor, you need to chose a venue that permits that option. If you haven't, you need to pay.
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

Then why did you tell OP to tell his parents that it has to be fully hosted?

Bottom line is that this isn't her and her FI's choice.  Her only options in your view are to have a dry wedding or break the bank and have an open bar.  Putting signs up making it clear what is being hosted is fine here.  They are not adding to the sign that they can pay for additional drinks - as has been suggested that shouldd be on the bartenders to do before a single drop is poured.</div>

STARMOON44

We have a huge guest list and it is literally the only venue around that had an indoor space for that many people and we are still travelling 30 minutes. I don't think we HAVE to host a full bar, beer and wine are reasonable and fine etiquette wise.Posted by Shannon1401[/QUOTE] Perhaps we're speaking at cross purposes. I don't think you have to provide alcohol at all. Really a dry wedding isnt an etiquette violation beer and wine only is fine. But,if it is available, you must pay for it. You may not offer a "pay to upgrade" option. You are not an airline. Your guest shouldn't be paying for anything. It's no one's fault but your own that you've chosen a guest list so large you can't afford to be a proper hostess.

lilphillips14

I would just put the sign up and let the bartender(s) do their job and let the adults figure things out. You're doing your job by hosting what you can, you asked them to take it out and they won't, so the sign should suffice.

STARMOON44

Then why did you tell OP to tell his parents that it has to be fully hosted? Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE] I'm sorry, you're right that was unclear. I meant for OP and her FI to tell his parents that they, the happy couple, needed to fully host.

Pookieson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_beer-and-wine-hosted-onlydilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:030ffa86-2284-4fbd-a982-f21d56565441Post:2f55fa67-3e7d-4473-9a06-eba845cb6190">Re:Beer and Wine hosted only....dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]We have a huge guest list and it is literally the only venue around that had an indoor space for that many people and we are still travelling 30 minutes. I don't think we HAVE to host a full bar, beer and wine are reasonable and fine etiquette wise.Posted by Shannon1401[/QUOTE] Perhaps we're speaking at cross purposes. I don't think you have to provide alcohol at all. Really a dry wedding isnt an etiquette violation beer and wine only is fine. But,if it is available, you must pay for it. You may not offer a "pay to upgrade" option. You are not an airline. Your guest shouldn't be paying for anything.<strong> It's no one's fault but your own that you've chosen a guest list so large you can't afford to be a proper hostess.</strong>
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

Are you serious with this????  We could break the bank and open the bar, the inlaws feel that beer and wine is just fine and so do I!  The issue is how to let guests know and you seem to be in the vast minority who believes that if it offered, it should be hosted.  It is not our responsibility to pay for everything that is offered, just to inform guests what is hosted.  We have large families and a ton of friends (I'm imagining that perhaps you didn't run into the large amount of friends problem) and the majority are beer and wine drinkers, we know our crowd.  We've checked etiquette wise and it is fine to only host beer and wine.  I think a sign on the bar is adequate.  No one has to pull out their wallet and I'm sure that most of them won't.  I think your insinuation that I am an improper hosts because I want to share the day with all of our friends and family vs breaking the bank on an open bar is ridiculous.  Also, cutting the guest list was never an option and this was the best venue we found to accomodate a large party in June, in the central valley of California (good chance it will be 90 degrees+).  I also think that having an "all or nothing" mentality to the bar is absurd.

Pookieson

And why the hell are all of my posts being centered? I've hit the left align button everytime....grrrrrr.

AddieCake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_beer-and-wine-hosted-onlydilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:030ffa86-2284-4fbd-a982-f21d56565441Post:21730540-5f01-4734-920c-3275b0c9fa04">Re:Beer and Wine hosted only....dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]So you're having a cash bar, in essence. I'd pick up the tab on liquor. If you didn't want to host your guests fully at this venue, you shouldn't have picked it. Tell FI's parents it's not about being too good for beer, it's about wanting to start married life with generosity.
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]
No, she isn't. It is out of her control. This is different than a cash bar by choice situation. <div>
</div><div>Shannon, your posts are not centered. </div>

GoodLuckBear14

In Response to Re:Beer and Wine hosted only....dilemma:
[/QUOTE] Perhaps we're speaking at cross purposes. I don't think you have to provide alcohol at all. Really a dry wedding isnt an etiquette violation beer and wine only is fine. But,if it is available, you must pay for it. You may not offer a "pay to upgrade" option. You are not an airline. Your guest shouldn't be paying for anything. It's no one's fault but your own that you've chosen a guest list so large you can't afford to be a proper hostess.
Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

Are you serious here? 

STARMOON44

Oh fine, Addie I'll let you convince me cause I trust your judgment. [But I still think no one "makes" you have a 300 person June wedding]! Stick up a sign and I'm sure you're guests will have a great time sincerely I enjoy a good etiquette debate, but on the day of I think a lot of this is just water under the bridge

banana468

In Response to Re:Beer and Wine hosted only....dilemma:[QUOTE]Then why did you tell OP to tell his parents that it has to be fully hosted? Posted by GoodLuckBear14

I'm sorry, you're right that was unclear. I meant for OP and her FI to tell his parents that they, the happy couple, needed to fully host. Posted by STARMOON44[/QUOTE]

I don't get this. If the hosts are stating what is available and hosted, how is that bad?

Is the issue that the bartenders simply won't refuse to make a cocktail or that the hard alcohol is even visible?

Pookieson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_beer-and-wine-hosted-onlydilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:030ffa86-2284-4fbd-a982-f21d56565441Post:17f6b07a-a974-4de0-a864-3d06d464d257">Re:Beer and Wine hosted only....dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Beer and Wine hosted only....dilemma : No, she isn't. It is out of her control. This is different than a cash bar by choice situation.  <strong>Shannon, your posts are not centered.</strong> 
Posted by AddieL73[/QUOTE]

Really?  They are on my page.  Good, disregard that rant then.  <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" />

KnotIrene

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_beer-and-wine-hosted-onlydilemma?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:030ffa86-2284-4fbd-a982-f21d56565441Post:ef806e07-43f7-4630-87a3-acb46d5e93b5">Re: Beer and Wine hosted only....dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]And why the hell are all of my posts being centered? I've hit the left align button everytime....grrrrrr.
Posted by Shannon1401[/QUOTE]
Don't get frustrated.  Your posts are appearing left aligned...at least to me.

misshart00

Everything is centered for me and I'm on mobile. It's so hard to read. The titles are covering some of the words.

Pookieson

Okay, is it left aligned now?

misshart00

In Response to Re:Beer and Wine hosted only....dilemma:[QUOTE]Okay, is it left aligned now? Posted by Shannon1401[/QUOTE]

Nope. But it's not just yours. There are two pages of this thread on my phone and the first page is fine. Then about half way down the second page, everyone's post is centered.