destination wedding?

Lindz619

After long consideration me and my fiance have decided on a destination wedding in Aruba! We will be having a reception back here as well six months later for those who can't make the trip, although we would still like to have bach parties up here before we leave and I would still want to have a bridal shower up here also. How would you go about inviting people for these events? Could you invite every one? Do you have to invite everyone to Aruba that you invite to the reception back home?

Completely lost.....

dumdumfroggie

Anyone invited to the wedding parties (bach parties/showers/reception) must be invited to the wedding as well.

The only exception is that if your wedding ceremony is truly private (parents, siblings grandparents), then you can invite more people to the AHR.  However, in this case you can't have th big bach party and bridal shower.

ETA:  Also, you don't throw your own bachelorette and bridal shower.  People must offer to throw one for you, or you don't get one.

VeggieLove1022

You don't host parties in your honor. People will offer to throw these things for you or you don't have them usually. You can, however, have a night out on the town with your friends or whatever, you just don't call it a bach party.

And the bridal shower is the same. You shouldn't host a party that everyone is suppose to bring a gift to you, it looks really gift-grabby.

If someone decides to throw these things for you, you can give them a list of people who will be invited to the wedding. And you're suppose to invite everyone to both events (reception and ceremony). Things may be a little different for DW, but I've heard it to be in bad taste if you just invite people to one thing or another.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0379a636-e64d-4a38-b1ca-e9b67c93d457Post:34e0c5fa-c495-46d9-8562-74a821e058cc">Re: destination wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE] I don't really like AHR
Posted by crfb87[/QUOTE]
Me neither. I don't understand why people do this. If you want a destination wedding, have a destination wedding. If you want a big hometown wedding, have a big hometown wedding. This "have your cake and eat it too" multiple wedding stuff is for the birds. Shiit or get off the pot, people.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0379a636-e64d-4a38-b1ca-e9b67c93d457Post:20bff418-80f5-43c8-85f0-57b57e65628c">Re: destination wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: destination wedding? : Me neither. I don't understand why people do this. If you want a destination wedding, have a destination wedding. If you want a big hometown wedding, have a big hometown wedding. This "have your cake and eat it too" multiple wedding stuff is for the birds. Shiit or get off the pot, people.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]


I'll second that. If you choose to have a destination wedding, great. But understand before you leave that not everyone will be able to attend. That's a choice you make.


I agree with pps, only people who are invited to the wedding should be invited to the prewedding festivities.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0379a636-e64d-4a38-b1ca-e9b67c93d457Post:0d45aa8d-bc42-4325-9ddc-02204f9337fd">Re: destination wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Anyone invited to the wedding parties (bach parties/showers/reception) must be invited to the wedding as well. The only exception is that if your wedding ceremony is truly private (parents, siblings grandparents), then you can invite more people to the AHR.  However, in this case you can't have th big bach party and bridal shower.
Posted by dumdumfroggie[/QUOTE]

Ding.  This is how our destination wedding/AHR went exactly.

AHRs don't bother me.  I was completely content with our teeny destination wedding and would have gladly left it at that.  My parents, however, were apalled at the idea of not having some kind of home town party.  They paid for it, so we went with it.  No harm done.  If you don't like AHRs, don't go.

ceceibson

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0379a636-e64d-4a38-b1ca-e9b67c93d457Post:20bff418-80f5-43c8-85f0-57b57e65628c">Re: destination wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: destination wedding? : Me neither. I don't understand why people do this. If you want a destination wedding, have a destination wedding. If you want a big hometown wedding, have a big hometown wedding. This "have your cake and eat it too" multiple wedding stuff is for the birds. Shiit or get off the pot, people.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

<div>ITA!</div><div>
</div><div>I despise the whole idea of giant gift grabs disguised as a courtesy to those who didn't want to shell out thousands to attend a wedding.  Have your destination wedding. Invite me or don't invite me, your call.  But I decline all invitations to AHRs.</div>

MyNameIsNot

Everyone invited to anything needs to be invited to the actual wedding.  While they aren't always popular, it is acceptable to invite a bunch of people to an AHR just after the wedding,  provided they were all invited to the actual wedding.  The rude thing would be if you only invited some to the wedding, but then invited the second tier to the AHR.  Remember, the AHR is for people who couldn't make the trip, not for those that weren't invited.

With timing, you really need to plan the AHR within about a month of the actual wedding.  6 months later is too long.  If you're going to wait that long, you might as well have an anniversary party instead.

Showers and b-parties are fine, provided (as always) someone offers to throw them for you.  If anyone offers to throw one for you, give them a guest list made up from people on the wedding invite list.  

redheadfsu

Everyone invited to the shower, bach party, and the at home reception must be invited to the wedding in Aruba. Said wedding in Aruba should also have a reception.

Or you can skip the shower & bach party and have a private wedding. Then later when you get home have an unrelated party. At said unrelated party, no wedding dress, no cake cutting ceremony, no first dance, invites don't mention recent wedding. Think more of a summer BBQ where guests might ask about your recent wedding, but you don't bring it up.

sharp0099

Lindz619 is it possible to throw your at home reception within about a month when you return from your destination wedding? I wouldn't judge someone I care about for holding their reception 6 months or so later but as may have noticed some people aren't as open.;)

You probably already know you won't be the one actually throwing the parties in your honor but you were curious about it works for your situation.  Is it only going to be you and FI in Aurba or are you inviting others? If inviting others to the Aurba, how many? How many were you planning to invite to the reception? I don't want to give you advice without knowing the details.

sharp0099

Lindz619 is it possible to throw your at home reception within about a month when you return from your destination wedding? I wouldn't judge someone I care about for holding their reception 6 months or so later but as may have noticed some people aren't as open.;)

You probably already know you won't be the one actually throwing the parties in your honor but you were curious about it works for your situation.  Is it only going to be you and FI in Aurba or are you inviting others? If inviting others to the Aurba, how many? How many were you planning to invite to the reception? I don't want to give you advice without knowing the details.

amys325

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_destination-wedding-12?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0379a636-e64d-4a38-b1ca-e9b67c93d457Post:d6009f88-e8cf-455c-b538-bd037112c08b">Re: destination wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: destination wedding? : ITA! <strong>I despise the whole idea of giant gift grabs disguised</strong> as a courtesy to those who didn't want to shell out thousands to attend a wedding.  Have your destination wedding. Invite me or don't invite me, your call.  But I decline all invitations to AHRs.
Posted by ceceibson[/QUOTE]

Not everyone does it for gifts.  That's actually the reason we had a DW with an AHR....we felt like traditional weddings are just big ol' gift grabs.  We just wanted to celebrate with our friends and family without the circus that comes with the traditional wedding.

I do agree with the posters that the people invited to the bach parties and showers have to be invited to the wedding.  It does make for a small party, but I had around 10 people at my shower and bach party and it was amazing!

Lindz619

We have VERY large families so if we only invite Grandparents, parents, cousins, aunts, uncles and siblings (no unmarried significant others) it will be close to 100. That also does not include friends that have expressed intrest in going, girlfriends/boyfriends taht may tag along or etc...

Lindz619

We were also content with just the DW but have several people who were asking about it and my parents didnt really give us an option. We are having it at our house, no DJ, no caterer, no flowers, etc... Just a cookout to get together and celebrate our wedding.

Lindz619

I know that I wont be throwing my own bridal shower and ETC. I'm not gift grabby either, I have everything I need and I would only want a bridal shower for all the fun games (for real we just bought a house and everythings brand new. I don't think I need another spoon, knife or fondue set.) I hate that everyone automatically assumes this when I said that. I have never come across a destination wedding before, and my MOH who got married on the same island was unsure because it was a second wedding for both her and her hubby ( shes my aunt) and they went down and got married without anyone knowing.


I would do it right after my wedding if at all possible but I live in NH (if you don't know where that is, its cold and unpredictable in October) and April weather is just better for a BBQ! We had thrown around renting a hall but I don't want people thinking its a reception and like I said before its just TOO cold in October. (It has snowed on halloween the past four years)

Vasquezbride

Here is the answer off of The Knot's Ask Carley column: 

Q.My fiance and I decided to have a very intimate wedding. We are inviting only 20 guests to the wedding ceremony and to a family meal at my parent's home afterward. Am I still entitled to a wedding shower?

A.

 

Generally, we say that those who are invited to a wedding shower should also be invited to the wedding. This rule of etiquette comes from the notion that asking someone to a shower (i.e., asking them for a gift) and not inviting them to celebrate the big event is rude. But since you are having such a tiny wedding, the rules change a bit. In this case your shower will serve as a way to celebrate your upcoming marriage with those you cannot invite to your wedding. Guests should not be offended when they realize that your wedding ceremony and reception will consist of only 20 people -- so do make sure that they are aware of this! If, however, you are having a large celebration and your shower guests are left out, they would most certainly be offended. So yes, you are entitled to a wedding shower. Word the invitations as you would to any normal shower, then be sure to send thank-you notes for gifts -- as well as announcements after your wedding to all who attended the shower.

Vasquezbride

And the link: 

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-questions/bridal-shower-questions/qa/bridal-shower-for-intimate-wedding.aspx