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Bored Fiance! :-( Help!!

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Re: Bored Fiance! :-( Help!!

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bored-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:03c6f04d-8d2e-4670-b74f-43208aa2b490Post:40488c4f-9237-4adb-adc8-0c3cb8c49f13">Re: Bored Fiance! :-( Help!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bored Fiance! :-( Help!! : I'm actually really curious about that. I don't know if it's an indicator or not. But I DO wonder if these men who aren't interested in their weddings are the same ones who can't be bothered to write a thank you note after the wedding or are among the multitudes who don't ever do their share of housework later. Honestly, I don't know -- my guess is that there's a connection, but I don't know the answer.
    Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

    In my experience, FI DID think that once he proposed, we would have some time before I started planning. I told him if we could set a date and get a venue, I'd leave him alone for a while, and that worked. He cares about being married to me, but could care less what color he is wearing when he takes his vows. He is more focused on our life together than one day, and I actually appreciate that. It was important to us to have the best menu and the best venue we could afford in order to show our guests a good time. Other things are necessary, but aren't a priority for either of us.
    And I am NOT a party planner or girly girl by any means. I can barely dress myself on a daily basis. Our wedding is a joint effort, but because I have more experience with being in and around American weddings, I am the one setting the timeline of when we get stuff done.
    Just because my FI doesn't have an opinion on the table settings or linens doesn't mean he isn't excited to be getting married. It just means he doesn't care about table settings or linens in general.. neither do I for that matter.
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    edited January 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bored-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:03c6f04d-8d2e-4670-b74f-43208aa2b490Post:85d934df-c226-4647-9484-ebea7b734935">Bored Fiance! :-( Help!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My Fi is not at all enthusiastic about planning and everytime I ask him if he wants to go over stuff, I get a sigh and then a very slow and drug out "oookay". 
    <p>Posted by sep72fendr[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>I would suggest that getting him off the pot would be a good start in moving past the 'drug out' responses. </p><p> :P</p><p>On the topic of male stereotypes, I must say that I do think that there are many men who are very interested in their wedding plans. Certainly, my H was interested, and I daresay most males want involvement in their planning that extends beyond the, 'yes, dear'. </p>
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    The more I'm thinking back on it after posting and then reading this thread, my H had LOTS to say.  He vetoed almost every single one of my first round ideas.  Including the first BM dresses I picked out.  I did a lot of the leg work, but he was very involved with final decision making and actually had some good input. 

    He also got way more involved the closer it got, it was as if reality of the time line was setting in.  He couldn't grasp why I just had to order my dress 6 months ahead of time, and sme other things I did so far in advance.
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    I do think that men are interested in the wedding, it's a huge day for them just as it is for the women, but I also think that the hype around weddings in our society is partly why men would rather just sit back.

    I also think that a lot of men trust their fiancee's with the details. Less of a lazy thing, more of a "she's been thinking about this since she was 6" type of thing. Most of the time when I would go to DH with wedding details, he'd say, "Whatever you want. You know I don't care if there are 4 candles at the tables or 6. You've got a better vision of what it's going to be than I do."

    It wasn't about him not having an opinion, but he trusted me to plan a party that reflected both of us, and I believe it did. His favorite color is red, so we went with red as the main color we used. We love the holidays, so we got married around Christmas. We eat italian food constantly so it italian food was served. He loves coffee, so his cake was mocha flavor instead of standard chocolate. The list goes on.
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    I would be pissed if I was doing all the legwork and Mark was vetoing everything.  Or if he said, I don't care.  I get pissed when we are planning our weekly meals and he doesn't care.  He DOES care and will say, hey, I wanted X.  Well, duh, then participate.



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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bored-fiance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:03c6f04d-8d2e-4670-b74f-43208aa2b490Post:45f4c646-ab1e-4a36-9f85-44d76d18f8e7">Re: Bored Fiance! :-( Help!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow, I don't think it's "normal" for a man to be completely uninterested in the day he's committing to spend the rest of his life with someone AND what's most likely the most expensive party he's ever going to throw in his life. Lots of generalizations here about these poor helpless clueless men. I guess some of them do exist (as evidenced by this thread), but there are also a lot of men who are interested and involved in their own lives. The first question I would aks if if your FH often does not want to discuss things or is it particular to the wedding? The second is if he's aware of the timeframe that things need to be done in, because that is kind of shocking (it's hard to wrap your head around booking a venue a year in advance if you haven't gone through it with someone else or done some research). Other than that, I'm sure I'd be having a conversation about how it's OUR wedding and I hope WE can work on it together. If there's a detail like invitations that he's not interested in, fine, but I personally would have had a really hard time if someone didn't even have an interest in the ceremony and reception venue.
    Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this. 

    When we first started planning, H and I sat down and had a conversation about everything that would need to be done and on what sort of timeline.  I explained that while I was willing to pay attention to the timeline and keep up with what needed to be done and when, that if he wasn't willing to throw in and help plan, that a big wedding was out of the question.  I simply didn't have the time or energy to do everything on my own.  No, he wasn't all that interested in colors or flowers, but he isn't interested in doing dishes or laundry either.  But he knows these are things that need to be done, and he's willing to take on a fair share of our responsibilities.  He asked me to give him a specific to do list and let him know what needed to be done.  He was actually really great and completely took care of several things. 

    I think a lot of guys have it in their heads that we have all been dreaming about our weddings since we were kids, and we are happy and excited to plan them and really don't want their help. 
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