wedding date issue

jelenybeany

Hello
I'm a frequent reader of this board and was hoping for some advice. This is kind of long.

My FI and I, and two sets of our friends all became engaged within a month of each other. I was really looking forward to an outdoor fall wedding in New England because of the gorgeous foliage. One set of our friends is waiting until 2012 to get married. We did not choose a wedding date right away, because we weren't initially sure if we wanted to have a "real" wedding or elope, we just knew we wanted to get married this year.

Well, our third set of friends set a wedding date within two days of becoming engaged! They chose October 8 of this year. That is peak foliage week!

I'm going to sound like a whiny brat now, but here goes. I wasn't sure what would be more appropriate. Should we get married before, or after them? If we get married after them, the leaves will be gone and an outdoor ceremony won't be possible because it'll be sub zero and most of our guests are coming from Florida. I also worry about getting married before them though because I don't want them to think we're rushing them to the alter.

Our two wedding styles are completely different...we're going to have less than 40 people, they're going to have over 200 so I'm not worried about showing them up. I'm just frustrated and I have no idea what the correct thing to do would be. We've settled on getting married September 3 because while the leaves won't have turned, it will still be nice enough for an outdoor ceremony. Is this okay? Am I over analyzing this? The groom in this couple is a frat friend of my FI. They aren't super close, but they are good friends. I'm more concerned about the bride. We have more of a very good acquaintance relationship, so it's impossible for me to just come out and ask her.

What really kills me is this couple chooses one of the most popular dates to get married in Maine because of the beautiful fall colors, and then they're having an indoor ceremony and reception! What a waste




Help?

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-date-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:03cc8f6a-adb6-4254-a4bd-b6bf3e392c5bPost:4761e649-1ef5-47db-af90-5dfa08e2956d">wedding date issue</a>:
[QUOTE] Am I over analyzing this? Posted by jelenybeany[/QUOTE]

Oh my god, yes.

If they've already booked a venue for their wedding, then simply pick any of the other days of the year on which to have it.

It's fine, I promise.

opalsky007

That's fine, and you're overthinking things a bit. I realize that you're trying to be considerate, but there's no need to totally compromise your vision over it.

If it were me, I'd pick a date a couple of weeks before or after them--it won't be peak foliage time, but it'll still be pretty and you won't have to worry about conflicting with each others' prewedding parties or honeymoons, hopefully.

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-date-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:03cc8f6a-adb6-4254-a4bd-b6bf3e392c5bPost:4761e649-1ef5-47db-af90-5dfa08e2956d">wedding date issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello I'm a frequent reader of this board and was hoping for some advice. This is kind of long. My FI and I, and two sets of our friends all became engaged within a month of each other. I was really looking forward to an outdoor fall wedding in New England because of the gorgeous foliage. One set of our friends is waiting until 2012 to get married. We did not choose a wedding date right away, because we weren't initially sure if we wanted to have a "real" wedding or elope, we just knew we wanted to get married this year. Well, our third set of friends set a wedding date within two days of becoming engaged! They chose October 8 of this year. That is peak foliage week! I'm going to sound like a whiny brat now, but here goes. I wasn't sure what would be more appropriate. Should we get married before, or after them? If we get married after them, the leaves will be gone and an outdoor ceremony won't be possible because it'll be sub zero and most of our guests are coming from Florida. I also worry about getting married before them though because I don't want them to think we're rushing them to the alter. Our two wedding styles are completely different...we're going to have less than 40 people, they're going to have over 200 so I'm not worried about showing them up. I'm just frustrated and I have no idea what the correct thing to do would be. We've settled on getting married September 3 because while the leaves won't have turned, it will still be nice enough for an outdoor ceremony. Is this okay? Am I over analyzing this? The groom in this couple is a frat friend of my FI. They aren't super close, but they are good friends. I'm more concerned about the bride. We have more of a very good acquaintance relationship, so it's impossible for me to just come out and ask her. What really kills me is this couple chooses one of the most popular dates to get married in Maine because of the beautiful fall colors, and then they're having an indoor ceremony and reception! What a waste :p Help?
Posted by jelenybeany[/QUOTE]
Girl you crazy. Have your wedding whenever you want to have it. If they think you're "rushing them to the altar" then that's their problem. Doesn't sound like your guestlist will overlap, so I don't see any problem at all with you getting married when you want to.

jelenybeany

okay thank you. i already feel better. seriously. i was being crazy. i'm just overly paranoid about upsetting this couple. thank you so much.

jessicabessica

You're way overthinking.  You don't each need your own season, especially when your guestlists won't overlap that much so you're not asking the same guests to travel.  September 3rd will be lovely for a wedding, and it's over a month before your friend's date. 

mari0225

I had this same problem, in fact one of my friends picked the same date as me! I was the bigger person and moved my date to the month after, but feel free to do it the weekend after or before theirs.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-date-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:03cc8f6a-adb6-4254-a4bd-b6bf3e392c5bPost:4761e649-1ef5-47db-af90-5dfa08e2956d">wedding date issue</a>:
[QUOTE]so I'm not worried about showing them up. Posted by jelenybeany[/QUOTE]
Then book it for whenever you want. But, I would  not book it for the week before or after just in case they do want to attend, since it sounds like you may invite them.

[QUOTE]Am I over analyzing this? Posted by jelenybeany[/QUOTE]

Yes.

peanutty2

over worrying, but i do it all the time   i think your perfectly fine to do it a couple weeks before or after theirs.  one week in between might be too close for you and for them if your planning to go to each others, but a couple weeks or more either way is fine. 

pantherRN

I agree with the other girls, you are way, way overthinking this. They get their one day and you get yours.

nurse.misty

Ditto PP's. As long as you don't book the same day as them you're fine.

jelenybeany

oh my gosh you girls are awesome...this will sound silly but i'm afraid to post anything because sometimes i read other posts and the responses get nasty...often for reasons i can't discern...but everyone who responded was so friendly and helpful! thanks again, this takes a load off my mind.

tuckhm

We have friends that chose a wedding date that is two weeks after our's, well after we had announced our date.  Alhought it won't be quite as convenient as if they had chosen a time well before or after our wedding, it's really not a big deal.  We chose a popular time of year to get married, it comes with the territory.

But please don't tell anyone that you think their wedding date is a "waste" because they will be doing everything inside.  One of our top priorites was doing everything indoors, because weather is so unpredictable.  We still chose a beautiful time of year because we hope to still take pictures outside, and let's face it, people love a beautiful wedding day even if they aren't outside all day.

jemmini6

I wouldn't be upset if a friend booked their wedding 2 weeks before or after mine (1 week might be cutting it close, only because I can imagine the weekend before, I'd be needing to get finishing touches done and the weekend after, I'd still be on my HM).

FI had 2 members of his family get engaged after us and they are both already married.  We didn't feel they were trying to "beat" us or anything...they just picked a date that worked for them, we picked on that worked for us.  If your friends seriously think that you are trying to "beat" them in any way...that's their problem, not yours.

hoffse

I'm from the south, and I'm shivering just thinking about being in Maine in October.  Honestly, give me 98 and humid, and I'm as happy as can be.  But to your point, I'd book earlier than them and then not worry about it.  If you're worried about your Florida guets, they are going to be cold as soon as it dips into the 50s-60s no matter what weekend you choose.  Maybe an overgeneralization from my own experiences, but brrr.