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Suggested attire- the male response

Hi there,

This thread is my response to my fiancee's thread. Please see the thread here ( http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_suggested-attire-wedding-guests ) where my fiancee explained her side of the story. I would like the chance to tell my version, as well as express to you my feelings on this matter. By looking at some of the comments, I think many of you do not understand the issue as I see it. I actually don't care what people wear. Attire is besides the point.

Allow me to explain.

I want you to try to imagine the situation: my fiancee comes home distressed and tells me that one of her 'best friends' refuses to go to our wedding unless she gets to wear whatever she wants. What I remember my fiancee telling me was that her friend said she had only an interview suit, which she felt was the fanciest thing she had and thought it not appropriate, so she was going to wear whatever she wants. Why is it that only a few of you picked up that this is an awful thing to say to a friend? Have you ever heard of someone making such an outrageous demand?

I don't care about labels and I don't care if her friend looks great. I want her friend to make an effort!! That is the point for me. You all are right, in that this is not an issue for the vast majority of competent, sane adults. But this friend is a bit of a drama queen and thrives off of attention. She could go to Good Will and get something for $5. She's not rich, sure, but I know she spends money on stupid stuff, goes to sushi often, etc. The "I have no money" line is not defensible in this case. If she's a decent friend she would not hold her acceptance hostage as she did.

This is the issue to me: I love my fiancee and I think she deserves to be treated better by her supposed friend!! I want my fiancee to stick up for herself and not be bullied by someone who is supposed to be supportive. Sure, maybe you have a difficult guest, but that's supposed to be your Great Aunt Agnus and her comments to your parents about how slutty the bride's dress looked. To me, friends are supposed to help you through that wedding BS, not add to it.

Maybe we stepped beyond the arbitrary American social norms as dictated by the internet by proposing a type of dress, but we did this merely to let people know that it's a fancy event. My brother's wedding will be flip flops and a BBQ in my parents lawn (which is totally cool), so we wanted to distinguish it from events like that. We are not getting married in a church so I felt there was nothing obvious with the event itself that would suggest to people that it's going to be fancy, so I didn't see the harm in following Ms. Stewart's advice. I grew up outside the US where people don't wear t-shirts to everything, where formal dress still means something, so perhaps this issue of dress code is cultural.

Does this make sense?

Thanks for all of your previous responses, have a lovely week
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