Brother inviting some friends to part of the reception

sari9912

My younger college age brother who is truly single wanted to invite some of his college friends to my reception. I put my foot down and said no because I don't want my reception to turn into a frat party and I don't know these guys or have room in my budget for them. Today he asked if he could invite 2 friends to the after dinner dancing and drinks part of the evening. I know that this is normally completely inappropriate but I'm half tempted to say yes so that he as people to hang out with. I'm really fine with the two of them showing up after dinner. My reception is in a barn and pretty layed back. What do you think? 

McRogol

My brothers (both single - 39 and 19) and both being given a +1.  Why not just let him bring a date?

sari9912

I asked him if he wanted to bring a date and he said no. 

misssunshine17

Tell him no. Is he really pushing? If you're uncomfortable with his party crashers, hire security. However, if it was my family, I'd tell my dad and he'd tell my brother to knock it off.

Simply Fated

I'd narrow it down to one friend or date.

winelover123

If you really are fine with two of them coming for dancing then it's fine. It is not ok from an etiquette stance, but the etiquette police aren't going to arrest you. If you are not ok with his friends coming, let him know. You certainly do not have to say yes. And you definitely can (and should) put limits on it.

ETA: If you are ok with this, I'd just let brother know. Or just let him bring one of his friends as a +1. Plus ones can be friends too, they don't have to be dates.

NYCMercedes

After dinner wedding crashes are pretty common here. Cake, free booze, good dancing, fun party, yeah, the bride's and groom's younger sibs' friends usually show up. If you don't want them, give him a plus one as PP have suggested.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brother-inviting-some-friends-to-part-of-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0448d399-d525-4ed4-ba67-b31feb84c223Post:a4513c9d-ca47-47b7-9b02-07a21a2d8870">Re:Brother inviting some friends to part of the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd narrow it down to one friend or date.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Just to clarify what I posted... I meant for the entire shebang, not just for the dancing/drinking portion.

I figure, if he doesn't want to bring a "date" but you have it in your budget for one, it doesn't make <em>much</em> of a difference if the "date" happens to have a penis. I mean, a girl can be a friend just as much as a guy can be.
In the end, the call is totally up to you, but I definitely think that letting him invite a bunch of his buddies to party at your wedding is a bad call all around. Besides being bad etiquette, it just sets a bad precedence.

Also, while the brother clearly doesn't care about etiquette, his friends might. What if he leaves details out, like they'll be missing dinner, and his friends show up wondering what's going on?

ridedatbike

Is it really rude if he's the one that only wanted them at the reception? I mean if she said they can only come to that part not the rest I can see where that rule would apply but isn't the purpose to not make people.feel like a b list? And would they truly feel like a b list if it was their idea in the first place? This is an honest question BTW now trying to argue or anything.

Loopyseven

Really, if you can afford two additional heads in your budget I'd go ahead and invite his two friends to the whole shebang.  

If you really really can't though, while it is against strict etiquette, if yiour brother is fine with it and his friends are fine with it, and you're fine with it, sounds like a win-win to me.  Most college guys I know could give two hoots for etiquette and probably don't even know it's technically rude in the first place.  I wouldn't send them formal invitations, just have your brother tell them it's okay if they come after X o'clock.  Leave some leeway in there in case you're running late so they don't walk in while everyone is still eating dinner.  No need to make it blatently obvious what they weren't invited to, KWIM?

winelover123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_brother-inviting-some-friends-to-part-of-the-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0448d399-d525-4ed4-ba67-b31feb84c223Post:c235225c-1ca9-425f-ab75-2d48f5220d87">Re:Brother inviting some friends to part of the reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey ladies, this is the etiquette board, so can we please try to give advice that follows etiquette. Inviting people to only part of a reception is rude. OP's brother being rude doesn't give her license to be rude to his friends. Her actions will reflect on her, and rude behavior reflects poorly.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

I believe that everyone did say that it is against etiquette. The bride does know that now, but if both the brother and the friend really don't care about it, then it's kind of moot.

OP, if you really are ok with this, I'd suggest telling your brother to make sure it won't hurt his friend's feelings and then he can invite his friends to the dancing portion of the evening. I wouldn't send a formal invitation or anything.

sari9912

Thanks everyone. It seems like pretty much everyone is feeling the same way I am about it. It breaks etiquette which I'm not super fond of but I would rather know that he was bring 2 people (I know my brother well enough to know it would only be 2) and have it be planned rudeness then him inviting people behind my back and having wedding crashers. I really just want to make my brother comfortable because he will not know alot of people outside my family. Once dinner is over and the evening becomes less structured will be the hardest time for him and I get that. I also get that he does not want to invite some random girl (or guy for that matter) to have nobody to sit with during the ceremony and have to sit awkwardly with people they don't know during dinner.

Thanks for the input.