Groom's brother's girlfriend's parents

hhjc2007

So, when making our wedding invitation lists, groom's parents put his brother's girlfriend's parents on the list. I am a little hesitant about inviting them because neither of us know them very well at all, and I do not think MY parents would be invited to their wedding. One time we were at Target and ran into the girlfriend and her mom, and her mom didn't say anything while the groom and the girlfriend talked, while we two just stood there awkwardly.

Do I invite her parents or not? The groom and I honestly do not want to invite them, but is that improper? I want to get the guest list to 300, and right now we are at 320.

J&K10910

I wouldn't invite them, but if you said "Hey, FMIL, let us know who you want to invite and we'll invite them" you're probably a little stuck. 

Melissa603

Is this an end all be all list or this is list that is open to negotiation? Are they contributing to the wedding? Your FI might needs to be the one to talk to his parents about this one. 

Summer2011Bride

Hmm. I probably would invite them if it will keep the peace, since it is just two more people. Also, like PP said, if you asked your FMIL for a list, and she put them on it, then you did ask for it, really. Unless she put 150 people on the list and you can't afford that many and need to seriously make cuts, I'd probably let this one go.

J&K10910

Perhaps if you need to make cuts, you and your FI can talk to your FMIL and say "we need to cut down some people, are there (insert fair number here) people that you would be ok with us taking off the list?"

Of course there is always the chance she'll freak and start offering to pay for them or something else crazy, but if she's fairly reasonable and EVERYONE is having to make cuts, it should be ok.

hhjc2007

My parents are paying for the wedding. The list is still open.

LeiselEB

If you asked them for a contribution to the guest list, then obviously they want these people there. I think if it's about numbers you need to let them choose who they cut.

If you need to make cuts, give them a number, and they'll choose who they want off their list. I will say, it's so much easier to just split it down the middle. So if you want 300 guests, your side invites 150 and his side invites 150. My parents are paying for our wedding as well, but splitting the list like that made everything so much easier. 

katiebo1013

I think your groom should address that with his parents, IF they are financially contributing (if not i say cut them) He should ask his parents if they really really want them there seeing as though you don't ever talk to them

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-brothers-girlfriends-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:047d8fd9-2639-4470-af5c-8c35234d850bPost:253ffefe-f11b-4989-9cd5-e4d46edcd167">Re: Groom's brother's girlfriend's parents</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Groom's brother's girlfriend's parents : Our parents invited quite a few people H and I did not know very well. If you have room for them, I might let this one slide.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

But...I find the concept of this to be silly.

I mean, if they gave them an open ended "give us a list" then they're stuck.  But I'm in the "parents inviting their friends that the B&G don't know (unless said parents are picking up the majority of the tab) thing is silly" camp.    I think it's totally different if parents are paying, or if you're ok with it, but when there is a space or budget constraint, it's certainly not even close to necessary to allow parents to invite random people.

LD1970

Are they random people or are they his parents' friends?

Bay21

This to me is tricky because you did ask for your FMIL's list but you also want to lower the number of people.

I think, personally, what I would do would be talk with my fiance and make a list of people would be okay with cutting. Then I would go to FMIL and explain to her that you really would like the wedding to be a certain about of people, and right now it's exceding that, and ask her to remove X amount of people from the list she gave as suggestions for yourself and your fiances final decision. I'd be careful to emphasize that both sets of parents were making cuts, but that the final decision was going to be yours and your fiances. Then compare lists privately and just remove whomever you and your fiance deem okay to remove that wouldn't start a fit within families. 

At least, if your FMIL is reasonable I think she'll be amendable, unlike my FMIL who is a total crazy woman haha 

good luck  

LD1970

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-brothers-girlfriends-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:047d8fd9-2639-4470-af5c-8c35234d850bPost:944a9707-3980-4642-9cd1-0219c7736912">Re: Groom's brother's girlfriend's parents</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groom's brother's girlfriend's parents : It's irrelevant if they're already 20 people over capacity. ETA: Nevermind.  She doesn't actually say they're at capacity.  She just wants it down to 300.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]
That, and it also matters if there's someone else who's actually more distant who should be cut first.

LeiselEB

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-brothers-girlfriends-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:047d8fd9-2639-4470-af5c-8c35234d850bPost:b88d509c-2b04-4c3d-97fd-e3e782847429">Re: Groom's brother's girlfriend's parents</a>:
[QUOTE]If you don't know them, don't invite them. The in-laws may think they're being nice, but the parents will probably think it's a gift grab.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>Not necessarily. Just because the bride and groom aren't close to this couple doesn't mean that her fiance's parents aren't. They may actually want them to come to the wedding - hence why they are on the FIL's guest list. </div><div>
</div><div>If it's about numbers, give your fiance's parents a total number they can invite - and invite whoever they put on that list. If you wanted more control over exactly who comes, you shouldn't have given his parents the option to make a list of who THEY want there.</div>

PhoneCardLady

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_grooms-brothers-girlfriends-parents?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:047d8fd9-2639-4470-af5c-8c35234d850bPost:1bd1cb3e-6e87-4d25-9fcb-8e48a650f2cf">Groom's brother's girlfriend's parents</a>:
[QUOTE]So, when making our wedding invitation lists, groom's parents put his brother's girlfriend's parents on the list. I am a little hesitant about inviting them because neither of us know them very well at all, and I do not think MY parents would be invited to their wedding. One time we were at Target and ran into the girlfriend and her mom, and her mom didn't say anything while the groom and the girlfriend talked, while we two just stood there awkwardly. Do I invite her parents or not? The groom and I honestly do not want to invite them, but is that improper? I want to get the guest list to 300, and right now we are at 320.
Posted by hhjc2007[/QUOTE]

No