Wedding Etiquette Forum

I hate when...

people "invite themselves" to your wedding. You know how you always get these comments from people saying "oh I better be invited!" or something along those lines?! (Maybe everyone else doesnt have this problem as much as I do). My cousin from my biodad's side (I havent talked to her in like 10 years or more) recently facebook messaged me and said "so, when can I be expecting my invite?" My mom thinks we should invite her, but I dont want to. Any tips on how to handle these comments from people?

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Re: I hate when...

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    This has only started happening to me recently.  My FI has a very wide network of friends (mostly because of the fact he has 3 older brothers all close-ish in age).  I will run into some of his friends and/or wives/gfs while I am out and about.  They are all jokey, but, then when i say something like: well we wish could invite everyone but you know, we have budget and venue limitations.  The weird part is they act like it was the first time they are hearing this, when I know FI has fielded the questions in the same fashion.

    This is a frequently asked question on these boards and the ladies here will give you better advice than mine.  I am NO expert and usually read folks that post similar questions to mine. 

    (I like StageManager's responses a lot)

    The usual responses are something like: Sorry we wish we could invite everyone we want to but due to.... we can't.  And then change the topic and don't bring up wedding or talk wedding around them.  :)
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    201 Invited image 139 Attending image 20 Declined image 42 Are making me wait image
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    This has been happening to me frequently at work too.  It's an office of about 50 women and they are all very excited about my getting married.  But one co-worker in particular seems to bring it up every single solitary time I see her... even so much as asking what kind of wedding cake we are ordering because she loves wedding cake and can't wait to eat it at my wedding.  I finally had to just squash it.  I was just honest with her.  We picked a venue that only holds so many people so we only have so many people that we can invite and we have big families.  That seemed to calm her down in her neverending quest to get every juicy wedding morsel out of me.  It's just hard for me to stay quiet because I'm a very open person by nature. 
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    I haven't had any direct requests/comments, but there are some people, especially at church, who seem to be angling for an invitation.  I may be oversensitive, and I'm definitely a people-pleaser, so I struggle with how to handle it (and with not getting paranoid!). 

    For instance, there are some very sweet ladies who very regularly ask, in great detail, how wedding plans are going.  I usually say something vague like "Oh, we're staying busy!" or "They're coming along" and then bean-dip ("How is your husband/child/grandchild/garden/schnauzer?", or "Oh, I saw your child/grandchild/poodle the other day and he's getting so big / she just keeps getting cuter" etc.).  Lately, there have been a few times that I've said "plans are going well; we're keeping things small/intimate and simple" (which is true).  I've used that with the more persistent ones that I know we can't invite ... but only the ones that I know have sufficient social graces not to answer with: "well, I sure hope I'm on that short list!" or something similarly ghastly.

    So I guess that doesn't add much to PP ... just know you aren't alone in wrestling with this sort of thing!
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