Invitees' significant others...

awcoyle

I'm apologizing ahead of time because I'm sure this/questions like this have been asked before but I'm really stressed on this...

I recently talked to one of my fiance's groomsmen and he said his girlfriend and he were super stoked about our wedding... PROBLEM: We didn't invite her. We didn't write her name on the Save-the-Date or mention anything about her coming.

I know the proper etiquette is to invite people's significant others if they've been dating for 6 months. My fiance and I bumped it up to a year due to capacity and budget restraints. This couple has been dating maybe 6 months to this point. I'm even not inviting some of my friends SOs who have been dating for a couple years (they know my sitch and agreed wholehearted with it), so I'm really frustrated about this.

We carefully went over our guest lists and everyone who's attending have friends that will be there, so it's not like the guy will be alone. 

Since we don't have anything against the girl, at this this point I'm thinking of letting her come if he pays for her plate. My dad graciously offered to pay for the catering, and I know he is already stretching beyond his means to help us make our wedding happen.  Our guest list is already ballooning because of situations like this (and family, etc...) and I really don't want to break his bank. My fiance and I are already maxing out on our possible contributions, so we can't do much either.

Would it be rude to ask the groomsman to pay if he really wants her to come? Any other ideas? What do you guys think?

Thanks!!!

sucrets4

Traditionally, wedding party members are given the courtesy of bringing a date, especially if they're in a relationship.  It's just polite.

And OMG it would be incredibly tacky and the worst idea EVER to ask him to pay. 

btrflykate1230

Yes, definitely rude. Anyone in a relationship should get a plus one, regardless of how long they've been together. It's standard etiquette. Let him bring her and YOU should pay for her plate.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitees-significant-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0503f532-05fd-4706-92a9-6c950bb4816dPost:1c1e7a88-7560-4637-9f70-6859f6597ca9">Invitees' significant others...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm apologizing ahead of time because I'm sure this/questions like this have been asked before but I'm really stressed on this... I recently talked to one of my fiance's groomsmen and he said his girlfriend and he were super stoked about our wedding... PROBLEM: We didn't invite her. We didn't write her name on the Save-the-Date or mention anything about her coming. I know the proper etiquette is to invite people's significant others if they've been dating for 6 months. My fiance and I bumped it up to a year due to capacity and budget restraints. This couple has been dating maybe 6 months to this point. I'm even not inviting some of my friends SOs who have been dating for a couple years (they know my sitch and agreed wholehearted with it), so I'm really frustrated about this. We carefully went over our guest lists and everyone who's attending have friends that will be there, so it's not like the guy will be alone.  Since we don't have anything against the girl, at this this point I'm thinking of letting her come if he pays for her plate . My dad graciously offered to pay for the catering, and I know he is already stretching beyond his means to help us make our wedding happen.  Our guest list is already ballooning because of situations like this (and family, etc...) and I really don't want to break his bank. My fiance and I are already maxing out on our possible contributions, so we can't do much either. Would it be rude to ask the groomsman to pay if he really wants her to come? Any other ideas? What do you guys think? Thanks!!!
Posted by awcoyle[/QUOTE]

JIC.

MyNameIsNot

Actually, the etiquette is anyone in a serious relationship.  You need to invite her.  

Asking him to pay for her would be incredibly rude.  Suck it up, realize you made a mistake, and adjust your guest list accordingly.  Skip a dinner out or whatever and pay for it yourself if your parents don't.  

LP11509

Yes, it's rude.  It's also rude to not allow a wedding party member to bring a guest, especially if they are in a relationship.  And asking ANYONE, especially someone who is in your wedding party and has probably already shelled out loads of cash for your wedding, to pay for their guest makes you look like a bitch.

awcoyle

Cool I'll uninvite my grandma. Seriously it's down to that point. 

There are at least a dozen people I verbally told I could come that I've cut from the list because of inviting already because we did the year-long relationship and up thing. Do you guys all have unlimited budgets or something? I'm sorry if my idea would make me "look like a bitch". I'm just trying to allow people I care about to come to my wedding.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitees-significant-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0503f532-05fd-4706-92a9-6c950bb4816dPost:a03586fc-a3ac-490e-92e9-83f3f14a18b8">Re: Invitees' significant others...</a>:
[QUOTE]Cool I'll uninvite my grandma. Seriously it's down to that point.  There are at least a dozen people I verbally told I could come that I've cut from the list because of inviting already because we did the year-long relationship and up thing. Do you guys all have unlimited budgets or something? I'm sorry if my idea would make me "look like a bitch". I'm just trying to allow people I care about to come to my wedding.
Posted by awcoyle[/QUOTE]

You've cut out EVERY SINGLE OTHER thing that you possibly could?  No flowers, ipod instead of dj, etc? 

You're not even paying for it yourself, so I don't want to hear any sob story about how stretched you are financially.  There are MANY other people on here who paid for the whole damn thing themselves and yet didn't have your self righteous attitude.

btrflykate1230

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitees-significant-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0503f532-05fd-4706-92a9-6c950bb4816dPost:a03586fc-a3ac-490e-92e9-83f3f14a18b8">Re: Invitees' significant others...</a>:
[QUOTE]Cool I'll uninvite my grandma. Seriously it's down to that point.  There are at least a dozen people I verbally told I could come that I've cut from the list because of inviting already because we did the year-long relationship and up thing. Do you guys all have unlimited budgets or something? I'm sorry if my idea would make me "look like a bitch". I'm just trying to allow people I care about to come to my wedding.
Posted by awcoyle[/QUOTE]

<div>I actually don't have an unlimited budget-- I have a pretty strict budget. However, I picked a venue that allowed me to budget for extra guests, just in case things like this came up. Cause I didn't want to look like a bitch. </div>

sucrets4

kate - fwiw, I think you're a bitch.  For no reason. 

btrflykate1230

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitees-significant-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0503f532-05fd-4706-92a9-6c950bb4816dPost:dac6ddb9-ca20-4a94-b5cd-0ee47b8ea7bc">Re: Invitees' significant others...</a>:
[QUOTE]kate - fwiw, I think you're a bitch.  For no reason. 
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

<div>FWIW, I think you're fat-- Oh wait, you're pregnant. DAMN IT. I'll get these insults right one day!</div>

LP11509

No, I don't have an unlimited budget.  I made sure the budget was set before I made my guest list. And that I could afford to pay for everyone on the list to avoid having to retract verbal invitations and ask my wedding party to pay for their guests.  I thought this was common sense, but apparently I'm wrong.

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitees-significant-others?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0503f532-05fd-4706-92a9-6c950bb4816dPost:d09ba2fd-1fdf-4aa2-9c8c-598a00373b1f">Re: Invitees' significant others...</a>:
[QUOTE]No, I don't have an unlimited budget.  I made sure the budget was set before I made my guest list. And that I could afford to pay for everyone on the list to avoid having to retract verbal invitations and ask my wedding party to pay for their guests.  I thought this was common sense, but apparently I'm wrong.
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

But LP, it's your spayshul day!!!11!!!1!!  Common sense doesn't apply to weddings, DUH.