Who decides venue?

tennisnurse

  My daughter and I do not agree on where the reception shouls take place. We set a budget, and she remained within the budget. The problem is we could "upgrade " the reception  if it would be the place of my choosing. We are paying for the reception, I just don't know who to handle this !! 

  Thanks

MyNameIsNot

If you are paying, you get final say.  

But you have to decide whether or not you are ok with saying "we will pay for X, but we will not pay for Y.  Take it or leave it."

andyandhillary

You get to say if you are paying.  What are her reasons for not wanting the "upgrade"?

baystateapple

Ditto MNIN.

Talk to your daughter.  Is there a specific reason she's turning down an "upgrade" in favor of the original reception hall?  I would think there's something behind it if she turned down a free upgrade.  Maybe it has special meaning to her?

You can have your way, if you tell her that she's got to "take it or leave it", but be prepared for the repercussions if you do so.

CTGirl30

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_decides-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:05ed61b5-23b1-4001-ae21-80612498179dPost:ba8477a0-b90a-4163-915d-ac839ff98507">Who decides venue?</a>:
[QUOTE]  My daughter and I do not agree on where the reception shouls take place. We set a budget, and she remained within the budget. The problem is we could "upgrade " the reception  if it would be the place of my choosing. We are paying for the reception, I just don't know who to handle this !!    Thanks
Posted by tennisnurse[/QUOTE]

The person writing the checks usually has the control...however, does your daughter<em> really</em> want the place of her choosing even if means not "upgrading"? Is the "upgrading" more for her or for YOU? There are some battles worth fighting and some not and if she's in love with Venue 1 (under budget) and not necessarily enthralled with the Upgrade Venue, what's the harm in letting her go with the one she has her heart set on?

tidetravel

This is your daughter's wedding.  You gave her a set of criteria and it sounds like she remained within the boundries that you set forth.  She and her Fi chose the place for their own reasons.  Respect her decision as such and allow them to plan the wedding that they want.  I presume you've already had yours.

Moneypenny424

I agree with Tide, I think you should respect her decision.  It would be one thing if she was trying to blow the budget, but since she isn't, I'd let her make the call.

I'd also discuss it with her to better understand why she doesn't want the upgrade.  If it is in a place she doesn't like or doesn't envision getting married in, I'd say to let her plan her day.

brookelynpaisley

While generally she who has the gold makes the rules, I think you need to let your daughter choose. If she's happy with the venue she likes and she's not blowing budget, back off. My parents paid for our reception and gave free reign on where/when/menu, etc. Unless she's wanting to have her wedding at Taco Bell, you should back off.

wadingmoose

I get that a lot of people think that the person who pays gets to say.  But, if your daughter likes one venue, why would you want to change that?  Seems a simple thing to let your daughter have the say in.

Audrey&Austin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_decides-venue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:05ed61b5-23b1-4001-ae21-80612498179dPost:6543640d-c2d1-47db-b05b-a31470c3fb5c">Re: Who decides venue?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Who decides venue? : I think this is shitty.  Why not upgrade it in a place of HER choosing? <strong> I will never for the life of me get why people who pay think that they get to be the boss of everything.  Are you trying to have the wedding that you didn't get to ha</strong><strong>ve?</strong>
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]
Agrees. If your daughter wants something else, she stayed within the budget and she and her fiance love it,why do you have to change it and get your way?? This isn't about you, its about your daughter and her fiance. Its great that you offered to pay and everything, but that doesn't mean that its <strong>your</strong> day.