Do I need to accommodate 3 newborns?

Lrini1

The wedding is next Saturday.  FMIL just informed me that there will be 3 2-4 month old infants coming to both the ceremony and reception- she told the families that it was "absolutely ok!!!!" to bring them.  She has those families at tables of 10 without the babies and thinks they can just be set on the floor in their carseats, but I think a room with a bunch of waiters walking around with trays of food isn't a great place to have a child on the floor, not to mention, they're in the middle of the room so there's tables all around them so to put the seat on the floor would mean in the walkway or under the table.  Do I need to see if I can rent slings for them or do I just leave them to their own devices, since they're bringing newborns to a wedding?

To be honest, I didn't invite babies because I don't want them there.  I've seen way too many weddings be interrupted by a screaming kid.  It's disrespectful, in my opinion to bring a child to an adult event.  In this case they're all local and could have tried to arrange to leave them with the other set of grandparents- their daily childcare provides.  I'm upset with FMIL for just assuming it was ok and not planning for it in her tables. 

DramaGeek

Tables of 10 are already going to be tight.  Add a baby carrier in there and it's going to be really, really tight.  I'd tell MIL that unfortunately you can't accomodate them so she needs to call the parents and tell them she mispoke and the babies won't be able to be accomodated.  Either that, or you need to get busy with rearranging seating so there's room for the kids.  Any chance you could add a table of 6 and just put those families there?

Lrini1

We invited older kids, like the ones that are able to feed themselves and sit in a chair, so she just assumed that it was ok to bring newborns too.  We have the max number of tables that the room can hold, and unfortunately those two tables are in the center of the room.  Our venue needed us to turn in the numbers at each table a week ago so they could staff properly.  I told FMIL all of this so she came up with "they can hold them or set them on the floor."
 
I just didn't know if I was being super rude in being like "you wanted to bring the kid, so you get to deal with it."  I want those people to know I would have planned better, FMIL sat them at a table of 10 instead of 8 because she didn't want to separate families then, told them they could bring a baby making it 11.

arendiva

I think you need to tell your FMIL that she needs to tell those families that she mispoke and that their infants cannot be accomodated. She made this mess she can clean it up.

artbyallie

A baby needs their own seat, if only to make sure there's enough space. I think it's odd to invite older kids and not babies. Especially when the babies are so little that they're very likely going to just sleep the whole time. Are these babies siblings of the older kids? If so, they really need to be invited because it's rude to split siblings.

ETA: Also wanted to add that if the newborns are breastfed, it's not really possible for the moms to leave them with someone else. And most people would not be very comfortable leaving behind a 2-4 month old if they have to travel for a wedding. It is not required by etiquette but I still think it is courteous to allow them to come and to provide a chair so the parents don't constantly have to hold them. Or put them on the floor (WTF?) because you're right that that's a bad idea.

DramaGeek

Ditto Stage.  Do some finagling to move people around so that the families with babies are at a smaller table and at the edge of the room.  With 10 at a table, the carrier is going to end up behind someone's chair.  As a guest, I'd be very put off by being crammed 10 to a table and then having to accomodate an 11th on top of that.

Lrini1

Thanks all.  FMIL isn't backing down on this so looks like I'm going to have to try to redo her tables then ask the venue to change it.  We had to turn in the number of meal choice at each table, based on they're floorplan.  The venue isn't a typical banquet room so they have to hire temps to serve, and some of the meals require more serving than others.  Hence needed the numbers and tables set in stone 2 weeks ago.  And I of course just finished the placecards (sorry now I'm just making a new to-do list).

The older children are in our immediate families, so they were invited.  These are distant cousins, and no there aren't any older siblings.  I don't know if they're breastfeed but both mothers work full time and the kid's have been in child care since 6 weeks, I know this because they were talking about it at a party recently and like I said they are all local and live within 15 minutes of the venue. 

DramaGeek

Maybe you should cram them all in at MIL's table since she won't back down 0:-)

Just kiddig.  I'm sorry she's creating so much more work for you though.  That sucks.

wrigleyville

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-need-to-accomidate-3-newborns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:06505e28-e1bb-421d-99b2-029b8ef7695ePost:4d4c13bb-1217-455b-b471-25184e1571b0">Re: Do I need to accommodate 3 newborns?</a>:
[QUOTE]A baby needs their own seat, if only to make sure there's enough space. I think it's odd to invite older kids and not babies. Especially when the babies are so  little that they're very likely going to just sleep the whole time. Are these babies siblings of the older kids? If so, they really need to be invited because it's rude to split siblings. ETA: Also wanted to add that<strong> if the newborns are breastfed, it's not really possible for the moms to leave them with someone else</strong>. And most people would not be very comfortable leaving behind a 2-4 month old if they have to travel for a wedding. It is not required by etiquette but I still think it is courteous to allow them to come and to provide a chair so the parents don't constantly have to hold them. Or put them on the floor (WTF?) because you're right that that's a bad idea.
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

Wrong. I hate this party line. If they're coming from out of town, then sure, I can understand the hestiation, but it's still not an obligation on the B&G's part to invite the baby. The parents can decline the invitation. If they're really close to the parents and can't imagine not having them there, then I would probably advise an exception to the rule, but then all babies have to be invited.

If they're local, then I really don't buy this excuse. Many breastfed babies go to day care or another relative's house when their parents are at work for 8-9 hours per day. That's why breast pumps were invented. I understand not all breastfed babies will take a bottle, in which case the mother (or both parents) can stay home. If someone can't leave their baby for four hours, then they can decline the invitation. Brides and grooms do <strong>not</strong> have to accommodate breastfeeding mothers, no matter how much the Mommy Brigade wants to martyr themselves (as if having a child wasn't their choice in the first place).

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-need-to-accomidate-3-newborns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:06505e28-e1bb-421d-99b2-029b8ef7695ePost:18944033-9d25-44c0-85a0-755310b1c869">Re: Do I need to accommodate 3 newborns?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I need to accommodate 3 newborns? : Wrong. I hate this party line. If they're coming from out of town, then sure, I can understand the hestiation, but it's still not an obligation on the B&G's part to invite the baby. The parents can decline the invitation. If they're really close to the parents and can't imagine not having them there, then I would probably advise an exception to the rule, but then all babies have to be invited. If they're local, then I really don't buy this excuse. Many breastfed babies go to day care or another relative's house when their parents are at work for 8-9 hours per day. That's why breast pumps were invented. I understand not all breastfed babies will take a bottle, in which case the mother (or both parents) can stay home. If someone can't leave their baby for four hours, then they can decline the invitation. Brides and grooms do  not have to accommodate breastfeeding mothers, no matter how much the Mommy Brigade wants to martyr themselves (as if having a child wasn't their choice in the first place).
Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The poster wasn't wrong in that often a breastfeeding baby can't be separated from his or her mother. It's up to the bride and groom as to whether they want to make an exception or whether they want to accept that the mother won't be able to come because of it. But the statement by itself wasn't wrong.

</div>

banana468

Breast fed infants often CAN be separated from their parents.   Many women go back to work at 6 weeks and even if they take up to 12, a breast fed infant may be away from a parent for well over 8 hours a day.   It may be inconvenient if a mom needs to go find a place to pump but it's hardly impossible.   That's the choice a mother makes when she has a child.  

To say otherwise implies a mother unwilling to change.

OP, based on FMIL already giving the OK and her not budging, I'd just work with it.   You're already having children there so this isn't a deal breaker going from no kids to kids thing.

I would rearrange table visits and your FI should make it clear that it wasn't cool (assuming she's not hosting).    

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-need-to-accomidate-3-newborns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:06505e28-e1bb-421d-99b2-029b8ef7695ePost:63680fc3-cb57-4201-b3f0-114508974c45">Re: Do I need to accommodate 3 newborns?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks all.  <strong>FMIL isn't backing down on this so looks like I'm going to have to try to redo her tables then ask the venue to change it.</strong>  We had to turn in the number of meal choice at each table, based on they're floorplan.  The venue isn't a typical banquet room so they have to hire temps to serve, and some of the meals require more serving than others.  Hence needed the numbers and tables set in stone 2 weeks ago.  And I of course just finished the placecards (sorry now I'm just making a new to-do list). The older children are in our immediate families, so they were invited.  These are distant cousins, and no there aren't any older siblings.  I don't know if they're breastfeed but both mothers work full time and the kid's have been in child care since 6 weeks, I know this because they were talking about it at a party recently and like I said they are all local and live within 15 minutes of the venue. 
Posted by Lrini1[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't understand. Is she paying for the wedding? If so, then I guess I understand, but if not, then I really don't. If I told my FMIL that those kids weren't invited, she would MAYBE ask if I could make room, but if I said "no, I'm sorry, things were due in a week ago, and there just isn't room," she would let it go. I mean, people are right. There really IS no room at the table. Period. So. I don't understand what she wants you to do.

</div>

MartinAston

Wrong. I hate this party line. If they're coming from out of town, then sure, I can understand the hestiation, but it's still not an obligation on the Bamp;G's part to invite thenbsp;baby. The parents can decline the invitation. If they're really close to the parents and can't imagine not having them there, then I would probably advise an exception to the rule, but then all babies have to be invited.Ifnbsp;they're local,nbsp;then I reallynbsp;don't buy this excuse. Many breastfed babies go to day carenbsp;or another relative's house when their parents are at work for 89 hours per day. That's why breast pumps were invented. I understand not all breastfed babies will take a bottle, in which case the mother or both parents can stay home.nbsp;If someone can't leave their baby for four hours, then they can decline the invitation.nbsp;Brides and grooms donbsp;not have to accommodate breastfeeding mothers, no matter how much the Mommy Brigadenbsp;wants to martyr themselves as if having a child wasn't their choice in the first place. Posted by wrigleyville BOOM! All this. It's harsh, but I'm sick of the mom card. Been dealing with this with my wedding.

wrigleyville

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_do-i-need-to-accomidate-3-newborns?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:06505e28-e1bb-421d-99b2-029b8ef7695ePost:ecfa23c5-a8fe-4f30-9a32-fb34e04c1186">Re: Do I need to accommodate 3 newborns?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do I need to accommodate 3 newborns? : The poster wasn't wrong in that often a breastfeeding baby can't be separated from his or her mother. It's up to the bride and groom as to whether they want to make an exception or whether they want to accept that the mother won't be able to come because of it. But the statement by itself wasn't wrong.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]
She said they can't be, as in period, not "often", and I still call BS on that one. Many breastfed kids go to daycare. Sometimes I think it's the mothers who can't be separated, not the babies.