Etiquette Regarding Second + Marriage Gift

mabrown5

I have searched this board and haven't found anythinig to help me. My Uncle is getting married to a wonderful women, whom we all love, in about a month. This will be my Uncle's second marriage and my future Aunt's third marriage. I have not been to a wedding that was not both the bride and groom's first marriage. So, I was wondering what is the etiquette regarding gift giving in this situation.

I really cannot afford to give a gift and mentioned this to my mother. My mother was displeased to say the least. Both my Uncle and my future Aunt understand that money is tight for me and my fiance (he is part of a union and unfortunately work is a little scarce). I do not want to offend anyone though. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

DramaGeek

A gift is never obligatory but always appreciated.  One should give what they can comfortably give.  If that is a card with your heartfelt well wishes, then that is a wonderful gift.

maggieandrey

You are never required to give a gift, regardless if it's a first marriage or fifth. But, I would give a nice card, offer to cook them dinner one night to celebrate, or something along those lines. It's heartfelt and I'm sure they would understand.

mabrown5

Thank you for the help and it is exactly what I was thinking but wanted to make sure I was not out of line. I suggested giving a card to my mother and she was unhappy. I will just go with the card idea that I was originally thinking.

arendiva

A heartfelt card is certainly acceptable. If it were me I would probably try to find some small gift though. Maybe a set of decorative wine corks, a nice frame, a vase, a set of hostess utensils, cloth napkins. Any of those would be under 15 dollars. But if a card is really all you can afford than that truely is fine. Don't let your mom tell you otherwise.

mabrown5

I have thought about getting them something small (mom suggested a candle but I know they don't care for candles so why waste the money?). Part of the problem is they have everything they want and desire and have said it on multiple occassions.
 
I also do not have access to the invitation they sent people as we only got invited to the reception. I also would not know what readings (if any) they will be doing. I could ask but do not want to make either my uncle or aunt uncomfortable since we are not invited to the ceremony. I have tried talking to my grandmother (she is great at getting ideas from people) but she is even having difficulty thinking of anything that they could even get them.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-regarding-second-marriage-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:06a160bd-9839-43b7-9339-dff860b8e17ePost:bd14d506-c317-4192-989d-0aa60a42952b">Re: Etiquette Regarding Second + Marriage Gift</a>:
[QUOTE]I have thought about getting them something small (mom suggested a candle but I know they don't care for candles so why waste the money?). Part of the problem is they have everything they want and desire and have said it on multiple occassions.   I also do not have access to the invitation they sent people as we only got invited to the reception. I also would not know what readings (if any) they will be doing. <strong>I could ask but do not want to make either my uncle or aunt uncomfortable since we are not invited to the ceremony. </strong>I have tried talking to my grandmother (she is great at getting ideas from people) but she is even having difficulty thinking of anything that they could even get them.
Posted by mabrown5[/QUOTE]

Okay, with that new piece of information thrown into the mix, I would say you are well within your rights to not get them a gift. Like PPs said, a gift is never required, but I would normally try to get at least something small because I don't like coming empty handed. However, I wouldn't feel obligated if I were broke, especially with only being invited to the reception. They are fine etiquette-wise if they are having a truly private ceremony with just the two of them and maybe their parents/children, but I still wouldn't buy a gift I couldn't afford in this situation.