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Bridal shower blues!

Hi Everyone!

I am a lone bridesmaid helping the MOH plan a shower.  The MOH is on unemployment and I am getting married 2 wks after this wedding (obviously money is tight for both of us).  Neither of us have the room for a shower in our small apartments, so we decided to have the shower in one of the bride's favorie cafes.  We are laying out the money for all the decorations, games, favors, etc, and we are asking from the guests $40/plate for a pre fix menu.  We are currently trying to work the number down, we both realize people are buying gifts and this is one more expense to ask for, but it is really the only way for us to afford to throw a shower in NYC.  Her mom cannot afford to pay or help pay for the shower.  We have been receiving concerned emails about not wanting to pay the $40 that we should pay for the whole thing ourselves, I realize that's a tradition, but in this case there are only 2 of us and we're both super poor!  Does anyone have any ideas of how to handle this besides having it at one of our houses (impossible).  We dont want to cancel it, we just want to make our bride happy!!

 Thanks guys!

Re: Bridal shower blues!

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:06f309ef-6300-4e71-8622-50a67f542dfbPost:3feda2ac-a7eb-4ab7-b530-251f2937a8fc">Re: Bridal shower blues!</a>:
    [QUOTE]She was able to afford a NYC wedding in 3 months? If she was able to afford that I would think she could afford a bridal shower (even though she shouldnt throw her own party...)
    Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

    I'm thinking the bride WANTS a really big, fancy shower and her BMs don't want to disappoint her.

    You live in the land of 765890293 apartment buildings. Does anyone you know have a community room or something? You can either cook the food your self or get a giant sub from subway, some chips and salsa, cheese and crackers, a green salad, and call it a day.
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    What about a party room in someones apt building? I also live in NYC and have several friends whose buildings have a party room that you are able to reserve for free. You  can then bring in food very cheaply..
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:06f309ef-6300-4e71-8622-50a67f542dfbPost:2b373336-a684-4f99-84a7-56e2b2938c94">Re: Bridal shower blues!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why can't you hold it at her mom's house?  Even if mom can't help pay I'm sure she can open her house for yall.
    Posted by cougarette[/QUOTE]

    This is what I was going to suggest.

    It's NEVER cool to ask people to pay to attend a shower. A bachelorette is one thing, but definetly not the shower. If your budget is that tight, don't do decorations & consider having it at a time people won't be expecting a meal. Maybe you can even make a cake rather than buy one.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:06f309ef-6300-4e71-8622-50a67f542dfbPost:07156d34-3e35-48c2-9292-3d66e4e77fd5">Re: Bridal shower blues!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal shower blues! : I'm thinking the bride WANTS a really big, fancy shower and her BMs don't want to disappoint her. You live in the land of 765890293 apartment buildings. Does anyone you know have a community room or something? You can either cook the food your self or get a giant sub from subway, some chips and salsa, cheese and crackers, a green salad, and call it a day.
    Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

    Yea, I realized that after I posted haha.
    good point too, doesn't anyones apartment have  a lobby or room?
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:06f309ef-6300-4e71-8622-50a67f542dfbPost:ec2de08f-cf19-417e-816c-cf7cdba16e28">Re: Bridal shower blues!</a>:
    [QUOTE]What if you do a potluck? Host the party at her mom's house or something, invite all the women by asking them to make their favorite recipe (whatever it is, dinner, dessert, snack) and fill out a recipe card to add to a box/book for her! THAT'S THEIR SHOWER GIFT but at least there is great food and the sentiment is wonderful. And it's a great conversation starter for women who don't know each other--nothing gets Great Aunt Gertie talking to your 20-something college roommate like a truly phenomenal rum cake.
    Posted by evabee[/QUOTE]


    I like this idea
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    yes, I like the potluck, I emailed the MOH to see what she thinks.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:06f309ef-6300-4e71-8622-50a67f542dfbPost:86af2472-1709-4985-9266-c0ce527bdb99">Re: Bridal shower blues!</a>:
    [QUOTE]yes, I like the potluck, I emailed the MOH to see what she thinks.
    Posted by shibbygirl82[/QUOTE]

    FYI it was a joke.  Potluck is just as tacky as asking them to pay.

    Rach - your Pizza Hut suggestion reminds me of the episode of friends where they're talking about the bachelor party Chandler threw for Ross in the basement of a Pizza Hut.  "What, you're too good for The Hut??"
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:06f309ef-6300-4e71-8622-50a67f542dfbPost:6a78e890-1641-454a-97a2-e965315fe6ba">Re: Bridal shower blues!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal shower blues! : FYI it was a joke.  Potluck is just as tacky as asking them to pay. Rach - your Pizza Hut suggestion reminds me of the episode of friends where they're talking about the bachelor party Chandler threw for Ross in the basement of a Pizza Hut.  "What, you're too good for The Hut??"
    Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

    <div>
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    HAHA  When I first read the potluck thing, I was like isnt that the same as asking for money to pay for food-  only they have to pay for it, make it and travel on the subways with it?  But so many people were into it on here that started thinking it was OK!  then I started liking the idea of people bringing their recipes as momentos... i dont know anymore. 
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    I'd have a lot more to say than what could be said in a "concerned" email if I were a guest invited to this shower.

    It would sour me on the whole thing, probably the wedding too.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_bridal-shower-blues?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:06f309ef-6300-4e71-8622-50a67f542dfbPost:6a78e890-1641-454a-97a2-e965315fe6ba">Re: Bridal shower blues!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bridal shower blues! : FYI it was a joke.  Potluck is just as tacky as asking them to pay. Rach - your Pizza Hut suggestion reminds me of the episode of friends where they're talking about the bachelor party Chandler threw for Ross in the basement of a Pizza Hut.  "What, you're too good for The Hut??"
    Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]


    Sucrets - I think she was referring to the post from evabee about the guests bringing a dish along with a recipe card that would be considered the shower gift.

    So basically, she's be getting a bunch of recipes as shower gifts ... and the food.
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    Where in NYC are you. I agree with the idea that your friends might have community rooms. Also if you can travel to the outer boroughs or long island Im sure there is a nights of columbus or elks club that you can rent cheap and order a hero's or some type of finger food. Definitly have the MOH speak to the MOB because if she can't host it at her house she might know someone that has a connection somewhere.
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    $40 a person for a shower?  How much is the wedding costing?  have you spoken to the bride or her family on this?  I can not imagine them liking the idea.  Find a way where you guys can pay for everything or do nothing. 
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    FYI my MOH is unemployed and looking.  I point blank told her do not spend alot of money on the shower.  A bbq is fine,  Gosh my moms building has a room upstairs she can use for free.  I would be furious if my Bridal party went into debt for a shower.
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