A Sticky Situation

Sharpschruter22

Hi Ladies,

I have been meaning to post since last weekend and finally have some time to ask your opinions.

Our wedding is in a venue that holds 100 max and so does the reception space. Our guest list is complete and since our families are so huge we had to limit to close relatives. The ones I have met less than 10 times in my life because they live far away were not sent a save the date.

This past weekend we went to my grandmother's surprise 80th birthday party and most relatives from far off came to celebrate. The next day, my cousin (also a bridesmaid) threw me a surprise wedding shower. While I was very surprised and touched that she did this for me, I am now in a very awkward position as many of the guests were far off family that are not on our guest list. I know I could go ahead and send an invitation because it is unlikely that they would travel so far to come to it, but what if they do? I simply don't have the room.

I'm very stressed about this. I will be rude if I don't invite those who came and gave a gift, but if I invite them and they come I will not have enough room! Our guest list is so tight and we have talked to all of our guests and know the amount of those coming. There are maybe only 10 who are maybes at this point. I am 6 months off and many things can happen, but I just don't know what to do.

As a newbie I was taken aback by some replies people give on this board, but sticking around more I see that most are correct in what they reply and it is the poster who needs to adjust their attitude about many things. I respect your opinions and would appreciate advice on what you would do if you were in my situation.

-Sharpie


ETA-SP

arendiva

You weren't the one who invited the far off guests to the shower, so you haven't commited any ettiquette faux pas. I can see how you would feel awkward about it but it's important no to invite over your capacity. It's much ruder to invite guests you don't have room for than it is to not invite them because you don't have room.

bunni727

SInce it was a surprise shower, everyone invited knows you couldn't have made the guest list for it. I'd say you don't need to invite them, just send a sweet thank you note.

Loopyseven

I agree.  Since it was known to be a surprise shower, I would hope they would know you didn't have anything to do with the guest list.  It's more important not to overinvite to your capacity than to correct your cousins (well intentioned) faux-pas.

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:06f4d2f9-2328-4613-afec-c790967ce949Post:92291eb8-a633-4d3a-a118-b098bbeffc4e">A Sticky Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi Ladies, I have been meaning to post since last weekend and finally have some time to ask your opinions. Our wedding is in a venue that holds 100 max and so does the reception space. Our guest list is complete and since our families are so huge we had to limit to close relatives. The ones I have met less than 10 times in my life because they live far away were not sent a save the date.<strong> This past weekend we went to my grandmother's surprise 80th birthday party and most relatives from far off came to celebrate. </strong>The next day, my cousin (also a bridesmaid) threw me a surprise wedding shower. While I was very surprised and touched that she did this for me, I am now in a very awkward position as many of the guests were far off family that are not on our guest list.<strong> I know I could go ahead and send an invitation because it is unlikely that they would travel so far to come to it</strong>, but what if they do? I simply don't have the room. I'm very stressed about this. I will be rude if I don't invite those who came and gave a gift, but if I invite them and they come I will not have enough room! Our guest list is so tight and we have talked to all of our guests and know the amount of those coming. There are maybe only 10 who are maybes at this point. I am 6 months off and many things can happen, but I just don't know what to do. As a newbie I was taken aback by some replies people give on this board, but sticking around more I see that most are correct in what they reply and it is the poster who needs to adjust their attitude about many things. I respect your opinions and would appreciate advice on what you would do if you were in my situation. -Sharpie ETA-SP
Posted by Sharpschruter22[/QUOTE]

If people came from far away to celebrate your grandmother's birthday, what makes you think they wouldn't come to celebrate your wedding? 

Sharpschruter22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:06f4d2f9-2328-4613-afec-c790967ce949Post:dad04d95-5e30-477f-a7f6-ca77ae1a687f">Re: A Sticky Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to A Sticky Situation : If people came from far away to celebrate your grandmother's birthday, what makes you think they wouldn't come to celebrate your wedding? 
Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

The relatives who came are the brothers and sisters of my grandmother. They are elderly and came for their sister's birthday, but I highly doubt they would travel to my wedding as I barely know them.

I agree that it would be unwise to over invite regardless.

It matters to me because I do not want them to think I am rude for not inviting them. My grandmother would hear about it and I wouldn't hear the end of it.

Thank you for your advice.

Kath1083

We had one of those situations, I never thought my grandmothers brother would come (they live several states away).  We still kept them in the count and they ended up RSVPing yes.  We  had accounted for them and my grandma is so excited they are coming, but you never know who is going to come.  I would say if there is no room then do not invite them.  They should understand.  

Peledreamsofrain

I'm sorry that you were put into this situation, I can see how it can be highly stressful and uncomfortable.  I had a few teary breakdowns over our guestlist too. 

But physical reality is what it is, and cannot be altered.  If there is no room, there just isn't room.  Believe me, if there's something that little old ladies will make an effort to travel to attend, it's a wedding.  Perhaps they might be temporarily peeved and give you grief, but if you throw a wedding where people don't have a place to sit, or food to eat, then MANY people will be peeved, and talk about it for a long time.

kaos16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-sticky-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:06f4d2f9-2328-4613-afec-c790967ce949Post:6e5dd037-67b2-4138-ab47-7b230cc6fb8a">Re: A Sticky Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: A Sticky Situation : The relatives who came are the brothers and sisters of my grandmother. They are elderly and came for their sister's birthday, but I highly doubt they would travel to my wedding as I barely know them. I agree that it would be unwise to over invite regardless. It matters to me because I do not want them to think I am rude for not inviting them. My grandmother would hear about it and I wouldn't hear the end of it. Thank you for your advice.
Posted by Sharpschruter22[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>If you are concerned with what people would say to grandma, and in turn what she would say to you, maybe you could have a private conversation with her about it. . . . explain how nice it was to see everyone and how you wish they could all be invited to the wedding, but your venue simply won't allow it.  Mention how nice it was of your cousin to throw you a surprise shower and whatnot.  That way, if people mention the lack of wedding invitations to grandma she will be able to express to them that you didn't make the shower guest list or that the capacity of the venue is limited, etc.  Just something so that she isn't taken aback if it's mentioned.</div>