Future SIL- *VENT*

c1emery

Hi All!
I need to vent to people who might have went through something like this. I'm having issues with my fiances older sister. Shocking!
We haven't spent a ton of time together in the last year and a half I've been seeing my future husband. But sometimes that happens- we don't live near each other. I have hung out with her enough to know that we are two very different people and that's ok. Completely fine. Sometimes you just don't have a lot in common with others.
Here's what the issue is: she gets offended over EVERYTHING. She's mad b/c I'm quiet- it makes her uncomfortable. That's just who I am! I do try to have conversations with her, but she's just as quiet as me most of the time... She's mad that we put tupperwear-like items on our registry- she's a tupperware sales person. She's mad that we didn't come to any of her tupperware parties- we had plans and she doesn't live close to us. These are things that to me, that are just petty. 
I extended an invite to her for both the shower and bachelorette party. She will be family and I didn't want to exclude her. Maybe it would be a chance that we could get to know each other a little better and we could have a fun time. But she said no to both. I feel like she doesn't get the fact that we will be family and it's kind of a slap in the face to not go to either. Sorry, but not going to a tupperware party is not the same as not going to a bridal shower. I feel like she's doing it out of spite.
His mom is on another level too. She's not coming to anything and I've only met her briefly twice. She hasn't made any kind of effort to get to know me either. It's a bit sad.
I'm starting to feel really down about the whole situation.
Should I just keep doing what I'm doing and not let it bother me? I wouldn't want to exclude her... but at this point I'm so annoyed I don't know what to do.

Girlie1030

Just keep doing what you're doing.  My H's immediate family (dad, brother & sister) weren't extremely accepting of me at first but they've come around and we really enjoy spending time together now. 

StephBeanWed61502

Just keep inviting FSIL and FMIL to events as appropriate, and be pleasant when you do see them. Some people have close relationships with their inlaws, and others don't. You are clearly in the "don't" category, and there is nothing wrong with that. Handle this by continuing to be respectful and polite, not by stooping to their level.

c1emery

Thanks ladies. I'll have to put on my happy sunshine face when I'm around them and just be the bigger person...

I want to point out that his dad, step-mom, younger sister and brother are all very nice people and we get along just fine. His little sister is fun and we get together with her and her bf and have a nice time. It's just his older sister and mother basically...

Meegles4

Yep, just keep at it. If FSIL is not attending out of spite, that's on her. It's also possible they have other commitments, just as you've had when they've had events. Yes, a bridal shower isn't the same as a tupperware party, but if you have a conflict with the date you have a conflict.

Loopyseven

Ditto the PP's. Just keep doing what you're doing. Some people just don't develop close friendship type relationships with their in laws. It doesn't sound like you will be spending all that much time with them anyway so be nice when you see them and don't sweat the small stuff.

NantucketBride12

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_future-sil-vent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:07526bdd-0250-4ee0-8653-dddde1261aabPost:b60e37cf-c72c-4c7a-bd2e-bc72f0a73a29">Future SIL- *VENT*</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi All! I need to vent to people who might have went through something like this. I'm having issues with my fiances older sister. Shocking! We haven't spent a ton of time together in the last year and a half I've been seeing my future husband. But sometimes that happens- we don't live near each other. I have hung out with her enough to know that we are two very different people and that's ok. Completely fine. Sometimes you just don't have a lot in common with others. Here's what the issue is: she gets offended over EVERYTHING. She's mad b/c I'm quiet- it makes her uncomfortable. That's just who I am! I do try to have conversations with her, but she's just as quiet as me most of the time... She's mad that we put tupperwear-like items on our registry- she's a tupperware sales person. She's mad that we didn't come to any of her tupperware parties- we had plans and she doesn't live close to us. These are things that to me, that are just petty.  I extended an invite to her for both the shower and bachelorette party. She will be family and I didn't want to exclude her. Maybe it would be a chance that we could get to know each other a little better and we could have a fun time. But she said no to both. I feel like she doesn't get the fact that we will be family and it's kind of a slap in the face to not go to either. Sorry, but not going to a tupperware party is not the same as not going to a bridal shower. I feel like she's doing it out of spite. His mom is on another level too. She's not coming to anything and I've only met her briefly twice. She hasn't made any kind of effort to get to know me either. It's a bit sad. I'm starting to feel really down about the whole situation. Should I just keep doing what I'm doing and not let it bother me? I wouldn't want to exclude her... but at this point I'm so annoyed I don't know what to do.
Posted by c1emery[/QUOTE]

<div>Don't let it bother you.  I lurk on this board daily, but I felt compelled to respond to this, particularly.  I can't stand my sister's husband.  He's a conceited jerk who thinks he's whatever god's gift to the world.  I wish she married someone nicer to her.  He doesn't like me because he thinks I'm judgemental (which, to be fair, I totally can be).  We both accept that we don't like each other. We're cordial and after the past few years, its kind of a running joke.  My sister will tell him "You're best pal's on the phone" when I'm talking to her and he'll go "Yeah, tell Judgypants I said 'hi'".  I mean, it's in good fun.  We just accept we're different people and are never going to be pals.  My sister doesn't care.  We're not trying to get her to pick sides.  We all just laugh it off and go on.  </div><div>
</div><div>My point is: don't worry about it.  Be cordial and nice and let things fall where they may.  Don't let it bug you.  Not everyone is designed to get along.  As long as you don't stick your fiance in the middle, it really doesn't have to be a big ordeal.  Just continue to invite her to be involved and if not, move on.</div>

ElleB87

Definitely don't let your FSIL get to you. I can see why you're frustrated but if she wants to act like a child she will, no matter what you do or say. Rise above her antics and be polite and mature.

c1emery

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_future-sil-vent-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:07526bdd-0250-4ee0-8653-dddde1261aabPost:cc10b0b6-4a76-4e56-8ef7-8c21d3f4ae2d">Re: Future SIL- *VENT*</a>:
[QUOTE]Yep, just keep at it. If FSIL is not attending out of spite, that's on her. It's also possible they have other commitments, just as you've had when they've had events. Yes, a bridal shower isn't the same as a tupperware party, but if you have a conflict with the date you have a conflict.
Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

No, they do not have commintments on that day. If they did, I wouldn't be so annoyed.

c1emery

Thanks for the advice ladies. I just want to say that it's easy to say don't let it bother me, but it does. I think she's being really immature and rude. It's one thing if you know me and don't like me (at least give me a chance to p*ss you off) but it's completely different when you snub me and you've hardly spent time with me.
It's just fusterating...