PLEASE validate my opinion

kkchisholm

I posted earlier about fi's mom hosting the rehearsal dinner, and how she  wanted to do dinner and then go to a comedy night 40 minutes away after. I wasn't crazy about the idea, and didn't want to have to rush at dinner,  but said whatever, she's paying.

WELLLLLL fi just got home and said his mom doens't mind about the price of dinner (a place I picked) but she doesn't want to pay for everyone's comedy ticket (30 dollars each). SERIOUSLY?

So she says "it will be an option". No.. not really. I have bridesmaids from out of town staying with me, so they will go where I go. I am not asking them to buy these tickets after spending money on dress, hair and travel. No no no. And for the locals, I am sure people will feel obligated to go. I think this is incredibly rude.

I am so angry right now. FI and I just got in a pretty big fight over this. I told him he needed to tell her it wasn't okay... and if not, then I will... and we all know how that will go over..

Oh and I am not paying for these tickets because I don't even want to go to the stupid thing. Ughhh.

danieliza1127

I think you guys need to tell her to just forget the comedy club idea, period.

btrflykate1230

Yup. If she wants part of the Rehersal Dinner to involve Comedy Night, then she should suck it up and pay for the tickets.(from the other post!)

AlexiaANDRobert

I might be confused, but why not just skip the comedy thing completely?

kkchisholm

Dani I agree. Fi said he wont, so I am doing it... but I am sure it's going to be uncomfortable

FutureMrsDudley55

I would just skip the comedy show, if she won't budge on the issue. Tell her that you will be busy with making programs and other projects

opalsky007

If she wants it so badly, she can pay to take everyone. Otherwise she can expect everyone to opt out.

Really though, just point out to her how busy you'll be that night and in the days leading up to the wedding. Who wants to rush through their RD to jump in a car and drive to a comedy show (or for their family to drive to a comedy show)?

whitneykaye87

Definitely skip it all together if she's not willing to pay for everyone.  People will feel obligated/pressured to go, regardless of if they want to or can afford it. 

I would absolutely talk to her about itand explain why it's a no-go.

blackfire5th

I think your FI should grow a pair and stick up for you to mommy dearest.  In theory the comedy club sounds fine since it would technically be optional, but in reality that won't happen.

tenofcups4me

I wouldn't include it as an official part of the evening in any way. But if she wants it to be a planned group event, she needs to pay.

If she wants to go to the comedy club afterwards on her own, she can let people know she's going and they're welcome to join her if they want.

But honestly, as a bride, going to a comedy club is one of the last things I would have wanted to do the night before my wedding.

janedoe1113a

I would skip it all together if she's not willing to pay.

AlexiaANDRobert

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_please-validate-opinion-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:07685eea-1ee5-4c30-995b-e31720bf6e88Post:0e3c8cfc-e35f-49f8-9ce7-db378a858fd8">Re: PLEASE validate my opinion</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't include it as an official part of the evening in any way. But if she wants it to be a planned group event, she needs to pay. If she wants to go to the comedy club afterwards on her own, she can let people know she's going and they're welcome to join her if they want.<strong> But honestly, as a bride, going to a comedy club is one of the last things I would have wanted to do the night before my wedding.</strong>
Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]


This is what I was thinking.

BecW2be

Tell her to go if she wants to, but that you and FI will not be attending. That is ridiculously stupid.

kkchisholm

I am showing this to fi when he gets home.

katiewhompus

The night before my wedding the last thing I would have wanted to do was go to a comedy club. We had our rehearsal dinner then I went home with my bm and we finished up all of our little projects.
And I agree, if she wants to add a comedy club onto the night then she can pay for it. If she doesn't want to pay for it then just tell her that while you appreciate the idea, you don't feel right asking your guests to pay and will not be attending.

ThePinkSuperhero

I don't understand the freaking out.  It's "an option".  You can present it to people as such.  When the time comes, just smile and say, "We're not going!  Have a good time!"  Others will or won't follow suit.

kkchisholm

Pretending like we are goiing then bailing the last minute is pretty rude too.

fallbride1109

I'm not really understanding how it's going to be presented as an option if she's not hosting it.  Is she going to tell everyone at dinner or what?  If she presents it as the option but then says she's not paying, she'll be the one to look bad, and no one else.

I would just say, FI and I and the bridal party won't be attending but if you want to get a group together and go, knock yourself out.

kkchisholm

Oh and you need reservations.

ac_in_dc

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_please-validate-opinion-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:07685eea-1ee5-4c30-995b-e31720bf6e88Post:373062d3-7e78-4723-88c6-817b581cc305">Re: PLEASE validate my opinion</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't understand the freaking out.  It's "an option".  You can present it to people as such.  When the time comes, just smile and say, "We're not going!  Have a good time!"  Others will or won't follow suit.
Posted by ThePinkSuperhero[/QUOTE]

I think the problem is if the option is to be viable at all, then the rehearsal and dinner need to happen really early.

I don't know where you're getting married, but my church required our rehearsal to be at 5 PM. That's just when they did them. It may be worth investigating that.

I think you'll want to spend time socializing with friends and family, resting, or making last minute preparations the night before your wedding. A comedy club sounds like a fun activity any other time but unnecessarily stressful the night before your wedding. 

ThePinkSuperhero

I'm not suggesting you pretend to be going in the first place- say upfront that you aren't going.  But if other people want to go, just let them.  Who knows, some might enjoy it.  Don't freak out about it and ruin it for everybody.

MyNameIsNot

I'm a huge p*ssy, so if FI won't do it, I would just tell her that FI and I had spoken with our friends, and that they weren't interested, so we wouldn't be going.  

Maybe she wants to bring her relatives or her friends or something?  

One of my favorite wedding memories are of hanging out with my girls at my house after the RD.  

ZRex

How annoying!  Can you just let their side of the family go to the comedy night while you and your BMs chill or something?

Anthriel22

Lame, your FI needs to back you up!  I cant beleive he wont talk to HIS mother about something!  I definitely dont think its a good idea at all to go to something like that the night before your wedding!!!  I will be spending time with my bridesmaids and getting rest after the RD!  We have to be up by 6:30 on the wedding day!!!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I would refuse to go. Tell her, "My friends are in for the wedding weekend. I would like to spend as much time with them as possible. I can't afford to pay for all their tickets and I think it would be rude to ask them to do it. You can go, but I'll just head home after the dinner." I think if you stand up to her, she'll need to back down. 

cukimerrydoll

In this instance I find it rude - since it's so far away, after dinner, rather pricey, it's really hard to expect the WP to be able to handle this...

Especially after the travel expenses, buying a dress, taking time off of work, etc.

polichik

I don't want to be down on your FI, but I'd be pretty annoyed that he's refusing to speak to her. Then again, I read a quote from a couples' therapist early on that said that a key to a successful marriage is a husband siding with his wife over his mother 100% of the time! I'm not at all trying to say that you guys won't have an awesome marriage (because you will!), but more just saying that my opinion is totally biased here.