ok so my first post did'nt go so hot...lets try again..I NEED HELP!

evitiello

Is anyone else find that their wedding planning is very painful? and awful and that you want to pull your hair out!!


My family is made up of MY MOTHER, MY GRANNY (dads mom), NANA (moms mom). who ALL have an opinion about everything!! My fiances aunt and grandmother went with me to look at dresses and they put a down payment of $400 down on my dress. MY MOTHER WAS HORRIFIED! she said she would never forgive me and i ruined her life. My mother offered her wedding dress (which was hideous on me, and my mother said she did not care if i wore it or not) my mother just was mad she was not included on the dress and she did not get the option to pay for it.

My mother has no money....she is a stay at home mom and they make good money BUT she is thousands of dollars in debt and has a 9 yr old to raise...she could not have paid for my dress (even at $500) AND she never visits me and with school i dont go see her

Let me add that my mother lives 4 hrs away from me, and 7 hrs away from where i am getting married (where my FH is from)

We chose to get married in my fiances hometown because him and his family have a home church that they have always gone to and the preacher baptized him as well as me. The church also was free as well as the fellowship hall to hold the reception. MY NANA WAS FURIOUS because she would have to drive 2 HOURS from her hometown (my family lives spread out) she wanted me to get married in my mothers church...which served no sentimental value to anyone...it was a wedding chapel and even my mother said "who cares"

Me and my fiance are college students and my FH is in the army and money is tight so we are willing to accept all the help we can get.

The flowers...My NANA want me to have silk flowers...im not thrilled. I am getting married in MAY! i wanted some real flowers SHE WAS PISSED!!  She said they are too expensive and some people have allergies...I am now getting silk flowers

The food...My Granny said a long time ago she would buy my food for the reception (finger foods, punch) she would take me to Costco a couple days before the wedding and we would get it and the ladies of the church would prepare it. MY MOM WAS MAD! she said my granny (her ex mother in law) was forcing herself in to the mother role and she started to cry.

 The bridal showers...my NANA wanted to throw a shower and invite all of her ex husbands family (who she does not get along with) she was mad when we said that many people (including his new wife) may be offended and it was kind of taboo. NANA threw a FIT and said im not coming to the wedding

What do i do? i am so tired and i have 3 more months of this. EVERYTHING IS A FIGHT! i cant not have the wedding because we want it to be in the eyes of God and our family. His family is being so good to me, but when i include them MY FAMILY GETS PISSED!!

Im so lost and tired and miserable

beatlesgirl25

Holy wall of text. And caps. I'm waiting for cliffs notes.

MeaghanandMichael

It sounds like immaturity runs deep in your family.
Sucks to suck.

Night_Sprite

You need to grow a backbone and start saying no to these people.  This is your wedding.  Be kind to people who are paying, but seriously.  As my grandma would say, Buck up!

squirrly

Who is paying for your wedding?

MeaghanandMichael

Beatles- CN: WAAAAAAAAAHHH. every one is MAD. waaaaaaaaaaah my granny and nanny are paying for all sorts of stuff but I am ungrateful and hate silk flowers WAAHHH questionable if wedding will happen in the eyes of god and family EEEEEEEEEEEEEK

georgia_bride09

If you're still in college and your FI is in the Army, why are you in a rush to get married?

Your family sounds like a herd of drama llamas.

If you HAVE TO GET MARRIED, elope.

sarah0725

Shh.... use your inside voice while Mommy is napping.

britne28

Ok, take a deep breath.  It is your wedding.  If you want real flowers, then get real flowers.  They will be much nicer than silk.  And from now on, don't tell anyone what you are doing. Send out the invites and hope they show up.  They can't get mad at what they don't know.  So if someone is being nice and helping you with the food, just talk with them about the food, no one else.  It sucks these people just can't be happy for you.

beatlesgirl25

Thank you Meaghan, that was much more palatable. I have no words, or advice, for this.

mocha beans

Sounds like I'd tell them all to shove their OMG!!111 OPINIONS where the sun don't shine and suck it up.

Or elope.  Sounds like they're going to be pissed no matter what you do, might as well do it low stress.

Nebb

All I know is you capitalized peoples names and that they were mad. Thats all im getting, I cant read anymore.

If you dont want them controlling the wedding, postpone and pay for it yourself. There, I just solved your problem!

ddumire

I chose "if I have seats to fill"  not out of any disrespect.  I think it would be sooo much fun to have people who appreciated all the details at my wedding!  Just that I have invited the maximum I can afford and have space for.  However if everyone decides not to come, I do have a 75 person minimum -- it would be fun!

However, since we're all getting married at the same time - it might not work logistically!  I'm not very close to the girls on my local board.  I feel more comfortable here.

mwhitson14

Ummm, bless your heart?

mocha beans

Hello random post.  Gotta love glitches.

bbyckes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-first-post-didnt-hotlets-try-againi-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0772c624-c155-4cef-9386-0f94dcc16359Post:c1d756d0-d7d3-4046-b7da-d8ef95236da4">Re: ok so my first post did'nt go so hot...lets try again..I NEED HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE] Your family sounds like a herd of drama llamas. Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

heh heh heh - I have a great visual in my head.

sarah0725

Oh, this is the money tree and Disney honeymoon registry girl. Welcome back?

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-first-post-didnt-hotlets-try-againi-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0772c624-c155-4cef-9386-0f94dcc16359Post:d926034c-1d12-4da9-ba99-a3e77b82594d">ok so my first post did'nt go so hot...lets try again..I NEED HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Is anyone else find that their wedding planning is very painful? and awful and that you want to pull your hair out!! My family is made up of MY MOTHER, MY GRANNY (dads mom), NANA (moms mom). who ALL have an opinion about everything!! My fiances aunt and grandmother went with me to look at dresses and they put a down payment of $400 down on my dress. MY MOTHER WAS HORRIFIED! she said she would never forgive me and i ruined her life. My mother offered her wedding dress (which was hideous on me, and my mother said she did not care if i wore it or not) my mother just was mad she was not included on the dress and she did not get the option to pay for it. My mother has no money....she is a stay at home mom and they make good money BUT she is thousands of dollars in debt and has a 9 yr old to raise...she could not have paid for my dress (even at $500) AND she never visits me and with school i dont go see her Let me add that my mother lives 4 hrs away from me, and 7 hrs away from where i am getting married (where my FH is from) We chose to get married in my fiances hometown because him and his family have a home church that they have always gone to and the preacher baptized him as well as me. The church also was free as well as the fellowship hall to hold the reception. MY NANA WAS FURIOUS because she would have to drive 2 HOURS from her hometown (my family lives spread out) she wanted me to get married in my mothers church...which served no sentimental value to anyone...it was a wedding chapel and even my mother said "who cares" Me and my fiance are college students and my FH is in the army and money is tight so we are willing to accept all the help we can get. The flowers...My NANA want me to have silk flowers...im not thrilled. I am getting married in MAY! i wanted some real flowers SHE WAS PISSED!!  She said they are too expensive and some people have allergies...I am now getting silk flowers The food...My Granny said a long time ago she would buy my food for the reception (finger foods, punch) she would take me to Costco a couple days before the wedding and we would get it and the ladies of the church would prepare it. MY MOM WAS MAD! she said my granny (her ex mother in law) was forcing herself in to the mother role and she started to cry.  The bridal showers...my NANA wanted to throw a shower and invite all of her ex husbands family (who she does not get along with) she was mad when we said that many people (including his new wife) may be offended and it was kind of taboo. NANA threw a FIT and said im not coming to the wedding What do i do? i am so tired and i have 3 more months of this. EVERYTHING IS A FIGHT! i cant not have the wedding because we want it to be in the eyes of God and our family. His family is being so good to me, but when i include them MY FAMILY GETS PISSED!! Im so lost and tired and miserable
Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]

<div>Ya know, just in case.</div><div>
</div><div>Tooooo many words!</div>

Brie2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ok-first-post-didnt-hotlets-try-againi-need?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0772c624-c155-4cef-9386-0f94dcc16359Post:d926034c-1d12-4da9-ba99-a3e77b82594d">ok so my first post did'nt go so hot...lets try again..I NEED HELP!</a>:
[QUOTE]Is anyone else find that their wedding planning is very painful?
<strong>No.</strong>
and awful and that you want to pull your hair out!!
<strong>...nope.  </strong>
My family is made up of MY MOTHER, MY GRANNY (dads mom), NANA (moms mom). who ALL have an opinion about everything!!
<strong>They're humans.  Humans have opinions.  You, however, don't have to listen to them if you don't want to and they're not paying.</strong>
My fiances aunt and grandmother went with me to look at dresses and they put a down payment of $400 down on my dress. MY MOTHER WAS HORRIFIED! she said she would never forgive me and i ruined her life.
<strong>Well, I wonder where you get your sense of drama from?  </strong>
 My mother offered her wedding dress (which was hideous on me, and my mother said she did not care if i wore it or not) my mother just was mad she was not included on the dress and she did not get the option to pay for it.
<strong>Well...so?  She's your mom.  Of course she wants to be included.  My mom would have been pissed if I bought a dress without at least warning her or inviting her along shopping.</strong>
My mother has no money....she is a stay at home mom and they make good money BUT she is thousands of dollars in debt and has a 9 yr old to raise...she could not have paid for my dress (even at $500)
<strong>So, because she's in debt, she couldn't come shopping?</strong>
 AND she never visits me and with school i dont go see her
<strong>So you're both equally neglecting your relationship.  Great.
</strong>Let me add that my mother lives 4 hrs away from me, and 7 hrs away from where i am getting married (where my FH is from)
<strong>My mom is 8 hours away from me.  She still participated in the dress shopping process by me showing her pictures on the internet.  It's not rocket science.</strong>
We chose to get married in my fiances hometown because him and his family have a home church that they have always gone to and the preacher baptized him as well as me. The church also was free as well as the fellowship hall to hold the reception. MY NANA WAS FURIOUS because she would have to drive 2 HOURS from her hometown (my family lives spread out)
<strong>She'll get over it.</strong>
 she wanted me to get married in my mothers church...which served no sentimental value to anyone...it was a wedding chapel and even my mother said "who cares"
<strong>So?  Say, "Thanks, Nana, but we're doing it this way.  By the way, have you tried the crab dip?  It's great!"</strong>
Me and my fiance are college students and my FH is in the army and money is tight so we are willing to accept all the help we can get.
<strong>Money comes with strings attached.  Always.  </strong>
 The flowers...My NANA want me to have silk flowers...im not thrilled. I am getting married in MAY! i wanted some real flowers SHE WAS PISSED!!
<strong>Maybe because silk flowers are a quarter of the price of real ones and she doesn't have the money.</strong>
  She said they are too expensive and some people have allergies...I am now getting silk flowers
<strong>So, deal with it or pay for your own flowers.</strong>
The food...My Granny said a long time ago she would buy my food for the reception (finger foods, punch) she would take me to Costco a couple days before the wedding and we would get it and the ladies of the church would prepare it. MY MOM WAS MAD! she said my granny (her ex mother in law) was forcing herself in to the mother role and she started to cry. 
<strong>Well, too bad.  Your mom's a drama llama.</strong>
The bridal showers...my NANA wanted to throw a shower and invite all of her ex husbands family (who she does not get along with)
<strong>This doesn't make sense.  Why would she invite people she doesn't like?</strong>
 she was mad when we said that many people (including his new wife) may be offended and it was kind of taboo. NANA threw a FIT and said im not coming to the wedding
<strong>So, let her stay home.  She sounds like kind of a miserable biitch anyway.</strong>
What do i do?
<strong>Calm down.  Postpone the wedding, oh, four or five years until you graduate college, get a job, and can pay for the wedding you want yourself without strings attached.</strong>
i am so tired and i have 3 more months of this. EVERYTHING IS A FIGHT!
<strong>It's not a fight unless you make it a fight.  </strong>
i cant not have the wedding because we want it to be in the eyes of God and our family.
<strong>Sure you can.  You can say, "Wedding's postponed.  Peace out!"  See how easy?</strong>
His family is being so good to me, but when i include them MY FAMILY GETS PISSED!! Im so lost and tired and miserable
<strong>You need to chill and stop indulging your family in these ridiculous rants.  And pay for your own wedding.  </strong>
Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]

ohwhynot

I'd tell your mama, your nana, and your granny that the wedding is 3 months away, all the details are set, and they'll get their invitations in the mail.  It sounds like everyone thinks that if they hold their breath until they turn blue in the face they'll get their way (honestly - you "ruined her life"?  she's "not coming to the wedding!"  Biitches, please). 

I am sure you can pick up the cost of the costco trays and punch on your own; right?  The church ladies will still help set up and serve if you deal with them yourselves. 

beatlesgirl25

Brie, I you.

Brie2010

I feel like I just wrote my master's thesis in Drama.

beatlesgirl25

Haha, more like edited someone else's drama. Great job.

sarabellam

Brie, you must be completely bored at work today. Beautiful advice, though.

JessAndTrav

I also have up on reading, but wedding planning shouldn't be PAINFUL.

If someone else is paying, then you need to take opinions into consideration. If you're paying, then don't tell them details.

Brie2010

I'm on my lunch break and my soup was no good. 

mwhitson14

BRIE WINS A COOKIE!!!

ring_pop

You and your whole family sound like a bunch of drama queens. Everything is a fight because you're all turning it into a fight. Seriously, very few things you've listed here are really that big of a deal. Chill out.

ac_in_dc

OP, listen to Brie. She is wise.

betrothed123

Stop accepting money.  If you don't want them to have a say stop giving them leverage to make decisions.

AmoroAgain

I'm just surprised it took so long for someone to LIC this shiz