General Shower Hostessing Etiquette Question

reppunzel

This isn't wedding-specific, but you ladies are a great resource on etiquette --

When offering to give/help with a shower, is it acceptable for the hostess(es) to set a limit on the size of the guest list?  And if so, what is the proper way to communicate that to the bride/expectant mother?

I've helped to hostess multiple baby and bridal showers, and it seems as though the guest lists are getting longer and longer ... the most recent baby shower had a guest list close to the size of our wedding guest list, and the cost of my part was almost more than I could handle.  Please understand: she is a very dear friend and I was so happy to be part of her celebration that I have no regrets.  In general, though, I'm finding that "helping with a shower" seems to be becoming a bigger and bigger financial commitment and I'm wondering whether there is a polite way to communicate expectations and keep the hostess-to-guest ratio a little more balanced.

Thank you!

ootmother2

The organizer of the shower should check with the other parties who have offered help as to what their budget it before even starting the guest list.

wawbrey

I agree with Retread. I think it's totally fair to let the honoree know how many people you can accommodate per style of shower (fancier shower=smaller guest list). It's for everyone's benefit!

ootmother2

If you know the grandmother to be, it would be nice to include her. 

reppunzel

OK, thank you all; that's really helpful in thinking toward future showers.  I work in the childbirth field and have friends of marrying age, and I really enjoy planning and helping with showers, but have the inevitable limits to budget and time. 

Ootmother, at the most recent shower, we Skyped in the grandmother-to-be from China! 

Kristin789

This exactly:

The hostess tells the honoree how many guests she can accommodate, and asks for a guest list with that many names. It's entirely acceptable to say, "I'm sorry, I can't commit to that many guests," if the bride tries to pad the list.

These showers are supposed to have the bride's closest friends.

Too often the families try to pad the list with extended family members, so that the MOH and BMs have to pay for tons of guests.  That's inappropriate.

The bride's parents can host an ENGAGEMENT PARTY to introduce the groom to the bride's extended family.  And that's paid for by the bride's parents.

And the groom's parents can host an ENGAGEMENT PARTY to introduce the bride to the groom's extended family.  And that's paid for by the groom's family.

The shower should be a very special time of sharing - not a super gift-collection event.