FI just B-listed someone, I think - WWYD?

ceh789

So I'm sitting here and FI just told a friend of his that he's talking to on the phone that was not on the guest list "Yeah, invitations went out, let me know if you can make it".  I'm peeved because 100% of FI's list made the list - we invited absolutely everyone we wanted there.

We have extra invitations, and we have space and certainly could afford to have him attend.  

However, I'm totally anti-B-list, and I would bet a zillion dollars FI doesn't have this guy's address.  FI will also claim that he didn't just issue a verbal invitation.  

WWYD?

strlzfan11

Maybe the friend will be a guy who's just not that into weddings.

Sp2012

Personally I think most guys don't care much about etiquette.  I'd bet this other guy friend would be in the same boat.  I'd be annoyed at FI for putting me in a position I don 't want to be in if this happenned to me. 

I think in this case whatever extra work FI ends up creating for you... addressing another invitation, getting the address, etc - make sure he does it.  If you have the room and budget and FI was serious about inviting this friend, just send him an invitation.

MrsBee11

This is one of those situations that I think is personal to each situation. I don't like the idea of B-lists and wouldn't intentionally do one, but if your FI asked him, he wants to go and you have the space and budget for him, I don't see an issue.

About 2 weeks before our wedding my MIL asked if we could invite an old family friend of theirs who would be in town for our wedding. We had the space and the money and I had absolutely no problem with it. The more the merrier, to me. It doesn't meet strict etiquette requirements, I'm sure, but I wasn't bothered by it at all. We had a great time, everyone had fun and that's all that mattered.

ElisabethJoanne

I'd actually be through the roof if anyone tried to fiddle with the guest list after the final cut-off date (that will be when we expect the invitations from the printer). It'd involve updating the very complicated guest list spread sheet, addressing the invitation, possibly tracking down a late RSVP, etc. Plus, we're tight on money and space. AND all involved (me, fiance, both sets of parents) will have had about a year to fiddle with the guest list as much as they want. When I say "last call on additional invites" I'll mean it.

Besides the fact, like OP, I've cut my friends to include future husband's friends.

What would I actually do? Throw a fit, then send an invitation, 'cause what can you do if someone's been promised an invitation? Well, you can make the fiddler call the promisee and explain. Depending on the circumstances, I might do that.

NOLAbridealmost

Look a B list is rude. But "uninviting" someone who got a verbal invite is worse.  Just invite the guy and have a come to Jesus with FI about why you don't issue last minute verbal invites to your wedding like you might for a Superbowl party. Hope this helps!

ootmother2

Just smile vaguely at him and ask if he happens to have the friends address.  Somewhere, he must.  Or search the guest on google

Someties guys just don't get it

saranandy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-just-b-listed-someone-i-think-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:084b47e1-32ac-4bd7-b7a6-9e6fc116cad9Post:7a239bd6-872e-4d17-9443-2e4f8763c39a">Re: FI just B-listed someone, I think - WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]Look a B list is rude. But "uninviting" someone who got a verbal invite is worse.  Just invite the guy and have a come to Jesus with FI about why you don't issue last minute verbal invites to your wedding like you might for a Superbowl party. Hope this helps!
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

Exactly this. Also, LOL at the "come to Jesus." I'm remembering that one for future use.

ceh789

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-just-b-listed-someone-i-think-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:084b47e1-32ac-4bd7-b7a6-9e6fc116cad9Post:7a239bd6-872e-4d17-9443-2e4f8763c39a">Re: FI just B-listed someone, I think - WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]Look a B list is rude. But "uninviting" someone who got a verbal invite is worse.  Just invite the guy and have a come to Jesus with FI about why you don't issue last minute verbal invites to your wedding like you might for a Superbowl party. <strong>Hope this helps!</strong>
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]
It does. We talked it over and he's going to track down the address today.<div>
</div><div>Thanks all!</div>

EsmeGrumble

Haha. I love the "come to Jesus" line. My FI uses it all the time...he used to have a lot of "come to Jesus" talks with me early in our relationship. (I was a tad bit psycho...but I've calmed down...for the most part. Lol.)

entropicbeauty

My FI likewise did this - we figured out our guest list MONTHS ago and I gave him extra time to make sure he put all of his family and friends on it that he wants to attend...then one night we were drinking with some friends and he gets a call from a guy he hasn't talked to in 2+ years WHO HE PROCEEDS TO INVITE TO THE WEDDING!!!!

I was beyond pissed. I made him call the guy back the next day and explain his error - FI made the mistake so I made him correct it.

chattychiqa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fi-just-b-listed-someone-i-think-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:084b47e1-32ac-4bd7-b7a6-9e6fc116cad9Post:f68f623d-f2c8-4f04-ad6f-9d0ccb0920f6">Re: FI just B-listed someone, I think - WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI likewise did this - we figured out our guest list MONTHS ago and I gave him extra time to make sure he put all of his family and friends on it that he wants to attend...then one night we were drinking with some friends and he gets a call from a guy he hasn't talked to in 2+ years WHO HE PROCEEDS TO INVITE TO THE WEDDING!!!! I was beyond pissed. I made him call the guy back the next day and<strong> explain his error - </strong>FI made the mistake so I made him correct it.
Posted by entropicbeauty[/QUOTE]

You had him uninvite someone he gave a verbal invitation to?