Ugh Engagement drama

daffydillie

So my mom and dad put an engagement announcement in the paper. My parents do not speak at all and literally hate each other. I got the announcement and my mom's announcement has my last name as her maiden name, and my dads has his last name as my last name. To make things worse, my dads family is having an engagement party for FI and I and the invites went out with my dads last name on it and you would have thought the world was ending.

This is insane. I usually just use my middle name to avoid this drama but this is crazy. Neither of them are hosting the wedding but they are already fighting over how the invites are going to be worded. Both want on the invitations, and neither wants the other one on the invite. So crazy.

HockeyFan4

Your new phrase to repeat over and over for your invites is "Together with their families"

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ugh-engagement-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0890b23c-3c85-45f9-8b79-f5ccc9cc0891Post:8896ff49-eca2-4cb4-a427-7e23cf48652d">Ugh Engagement drama</a>:
[QUOTE]So my mom and dad put an engagement announcement in the paper. My parents do not speak at all and literally hate each other. I got the announcement and <strong>my mom's announcement has my last name as her maiden name</strong>, and my dads has his last name as my last name. To make things worse, my dads family is having an engagement party for FI and I and the invites went out with my dads last name on it and you would have thought the world was ending. This is insane. I usually just use my middle name to avoid this drama but this is crazy. Neither of them are hosting the wedding but they are already fighting over how the invites are going to be worded. Both want on the invitations, and neither wants the other one on the invite. So crazy.
Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]

<div>So there were two different engagement announcements in the paper for you and your fi?  With two brides names, marrying a guy with the same name?  Will people actually realize the announcement with your mom's maiden name is you?  I assume that is not YOUR name?  That just sounds weird.</div><div>
</div><div>Tell them neither of them will be on the invitation, as neither of them will be hosting the wedding.  Problem solved.</div><div>
</div><div>Good luck.</div>

achiduck

Yikes, that is complicated. "Together with our families" will solve all your problems. 

HandBanana

I love adults acting like children. Not much else to add other than I hope you can laugh about it down the road. It would make an excellent opening scene for a rom com. Sorry. I use humor to cope and nit everyone does.

daffydillie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ugh-engagement-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0890b23c-3c85-45f9-8b79-f5ccc9cc0891Post:318fb471-0d82-482f-a3f4-6ca4e58128a4">Re: Ugh Engagement drama</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Ugh Engagement drama : <strong>So there were two different engagement announcements in the paper for you and your fi? </strong> With two brides names, marrying a guy with the same name?  Will people actually realize the announcement with your mom's maiden name is you?  I assume that is not YOUR name?  That just sounds weird. Tell them neither of them will be on the invitation, as neither of them will be hosting the wedding.  Problem solved. Good luck.
Posted by Loopyseven[/QUOTE]

Yup my dads was in the local town paper and my moms was in the city paper. Actually my moms maiden name used to be my last name but it was changed to my fathers name when I was pretty young. So my dads family knows me by his name and my moms family knows me by her name. I didnt even know they were doing it until my friend called me and told me she saw it in the paper.

the plan was my first and middle name and together with their families to avoid all the drama. Its how I have kept the peace with grad announcements and various other parties. And I am taking FIs name to completely cut the head off the beast. I just find it so childish that they are fighting over this now when I am in my late 20s.

rsaleh84

sheesh...well at least your new last name will solve both of their issues! 

Agreed with PP...definitely use "Together with their Families" 

willywally5

Big yes on the 'together with their families' 

And your parents shenanigans make me angry. The only thing your parents have in common since their divorce is their children. For the love of all things holy, they need to put aside their differences and allow you to have as normal a day as possible. 

Were these announcements in the same paper? 

I'm a step-mom. Do my husband and I like having to deal with my DD's bio mom? NO. We really don't. But we'll do it. Because it's the right thing to do. 

Your parents need to get a grip. 

ETA: Sorry you answered the Q about the papers while I was still typing! 

daffydillie

The best part is they never were married. My mom wouldnt marry my dad. My mom is generally the pot stirrer. I am so weary of including her or my youngest siblings in the wedding because there is a very good possibility that my mom will not show up and they wont be allowed to go. So I am planning cautiously so that it doesnt break my heart one way or another.

willywally5

That REALLY sucks for you, Daff. Have you ever talked to her about all of this? 

crash2729

I would just do "Together with their familes" then list your name as your name. The name you are most commonly known as. 

Then...your Mom can get over it. 

amorg334

*hugs* I understand completely.  My mom has a big issue with my dad.  So I hear it from my mom a lot too.  I wish you luck 

daffydillie

Well the drama train has pulled up and its here to stay. She wont go dress shopping with me because she is too busy and does not think my sister will be able to get a dress in time(my wedding is in May). ::sighs:: people suck.

most people know me by my middle name because i have gone by that instead of my last name for a long time trying to keep the peace so i think that is just what i am going to do. i may list my parents on my wedding site in one of the blurbs just in case some of the other family members do not realise who I am. I doubt that will be the case but that is the case my dad is trying to make for me to list my first middle momsname dadsname.

ajmom2two

Ugh!  I am so sorry!  What a bunch of jerks!  I agree that you best bet is to say "together with their families, your first & middle name and then your FI's full name"  That's what we did and we don't have any family drama over the last name (although my dad just flipped on me bc I am changing my first name when I get married as well as my last).  No one has EVER used my actual first name!  Its always been a nickname or my initials (which is what I am legally changing it to) my entire life!  Sometimes parents are RIDICULOUS!

HandBanana

How old is your sister?  Could you take her dress shopping?

Is it possible your mom will calm down or is she the kind that once she makes a declaration it is set in stone?

daffydillie

My sister is 16. So if my mom says she cant go she cant go. I was already pretty sure my littlest brother wasnt going to be allowed to go. I was really hoping to have my baby sis as my MOH we are pretty close.

My mom is a drama queen. So she will do whatever will get her the most attention. If staying home stomping her feet lying and saying she wasnt invited will get her pity she will do that or she will show up at the church wearing white. Who knows how its going to go.

She is currently having a tyraid on Facebook about our wedding website and how it only lists my middle name and FI did not ask her permission before he proposed. I think she needs a bottle of wine.

lauraanne9

More than one bottle.  I would be REALLY public about how she is invited...maybe an open RSVP area on the website.  Sometimes telling people like her they WILL be found out is all you can do.

Or elope.

daffydillie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ugh-engagement-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0890b23c-3c85-45f9-8b79-f5ccc9cc0891Post:a51742d3-0d3b-4f38-aacc-31559bd8a7ef">Re: Ugh Engagement drama</a>:
[QUOTE]More than one bottle.  <strong>I would be REALLY public about how she is invited</strong>...maybe an open RSVP area on the website.  Sometimes telling people like her they WILL be found out is all you can do. Or elope.
Posted by lauraanne9[/QUOTE]

I think I will do that. I have been posting on her Facebook wall going to dinner/movies and various things because she tells everyone I ignore her. I think people know the gig is up. I am pretty sure she is just going to say I am inviting her so she will pay for my wedding but whatever helps her sleep at night. I am trying really hard to not get upset about this crap, but I will admit its hard. When I graduated from the academy she did not go because she had a dog show and told everyone I only invited her for money. And my high school graduation she told everyone she wasnt invited. Im not going to be able to win.

lauraanne9

Good luck.  She sounds like a piece of work.  I would treat her like you have been, while being pretty public that she was invited and that you are attempting to include her.  While it can get messy, sometimes not protecting them any longer can occasionally put a stop to the behavior.  I know I have a difficult relative and you just have to make them accountable.  So, if she refuses to let your sister attend, let your mom explain it to your sister.  She may with no issue, or she may not want to be the guilty party.  She sounds like she wants to behave badly but blame others.

But wow.  So sorry you are dealing with this.

daffydillie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ugh-engagement-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0890b23c-3c85-45f9-8b79-f5ccc9cc0891Post:d757be71-8d37-4a95-88d5-404ff4e9e9bf">Re: Ugh Engagement drama</a>:
[QUOTE]You can't fix your broken family.  You can take control. This sounds like the perfect situation for a romantic elopement.  Tell both your parents that if they don't behave, there will be no wedding for them to host, and you will get married without them.  Stick to your guns.  Elopements are common in my extended family for just these reasons.  No one had ever regretted their elopements, but at least one cousin wished that she had done it instead of putting up with her family's controlling craziness! In your wedding invitations (if there is a wedding) you should use your name that you consider to be your name .  My family fought over that one, too.  <strong>Order your own invitations, and word them the way you wish.  How about this? The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of Bride's Preferred Name and Groom's Full Name Date time Venue City, State
</strong>Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

Thanks, do you think it would be ok to just use my middle name as I have been?

We are paying for everything ourselves and the rehearsal dinner because of her drama. We do not want to accept anyones help and then have them throw a hissy fit. I feel bad for my dad though, he is really trying to compromise with her but she is like talking to a brick wall.

Winnertag1

You're mom seems impossble to deal with - so sorry you have to put up with her! I never realized how childish ADULTS can be. Wow.

willywally5

Uffda. You poor girl. 

I'd just do your thing and if she wants to be a drama-loving hag about it, so be it. My guess is people know her style.