Cost to guests. Are we doing enough?

arendiva

We are having our wedding at a bed and breakfast that has 19 rooms. The Inn requires us to book all 19 rooms for the wedding 2 night minimum. We cannot afford to pay for all of the rooms for our guests. It would be an extra $7000 dollars.

What we are thinking of doing is hosting a welcome dinner Friday night for everyone who is staying at the inn. The in provides a full breakfast. We will have supplies for sandwiches and chips in the dining area for lunch on the wedding day (so guests don't have to go offsite and spend money on lunch) there are all sorts of onsite activities to entertain guests (this inn has 17 private acres).

We are also considering paying the for the first night for all guests besides close family (who have indicated that they are fine paying for both nights). We feel terrible that guests have any expense coming to our wedding.

But our wedding is about an hour and 45 mins from where most guests live and we are having an open bar all night so it's fair to assume that many guests will want to stay. We aren't conscripting anyone. In the even that any rooms go unbooked (which seems unlikely consider that we are inviting 90 people) we will have to cover the cost of the room. The rooms vary in price from $136-$201.

Are we doing enough? What other suggestions for guest comfort can you think of? If people are paying that much to come to our wedding we really want it to be a fun all inclusive weekend for them.

DramaGeek

I think that as long as you aren't telling people they have to stay there and you are prepared to cover the cost of any room that goes unbooked, you don't have to offer anything extra, though of course anything you do cover will be appreciated.

I would include the B&B in your accomodations part of the invitation or website.  I might go so far as to make it the only option I include in the accomodations section.

There is an expectation of expense when someone attends a wedding.  Whether it is the gas to get there or flights and hotel, everyone knows going in what the cost to them will be and they decide for themselves if they'll attend based on that.  You don't need to feel bad!

arendiva

The B&B doesn't let you book for only one night. There is a 2 night minimum. But that's why we are considering paying for the first night. So guest can come just for the wedding night if they want or if they want to come early they can stay the extra night free of cost. We'd love people to stay the two nights because that's just good fun. We just don't want people to pay for 2 nights becasue that is crazy expensive for them.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cost-to-guests-are-we-doing-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:096975d4-b963-4454-baf6-26ca498b3204Post:19b8bf70-f6b1-4218-8af4-898a11424361">Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough? : I agree with everything Drama said except for the bolded.  I wouldn't make it the ONLY option in the accomodation section unless you are perfectly fine with people skipping the wedding because of the cost of the B&B.  If I get an invite and it has the venue accomodations listed and no others, I assume the B&G specifically intend for us to stay there for whatever reason.  It makes me feel pressured to book at that place, and if we can't afford it, we just decline.  If there are either no accomodations listed or the venue accomodations are listed along with a note that states something about other hotels can also be found at... or something, then I feel like it's more "acceptable" to book a room elsewhere.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Good point.  I've never actually seen an accomodations section in an invitation or website, so I don't really know how I would feel about it.</div>

theelusive1

We have done a similar thing with rooms.  We are only listing one place in the accomidations section. We have said there are other places further away and we would gladly help you with a list if you contact us.
We worry about the tired driving, drinking and driving etc.  I think we are going to work something out to be able to shuttle them the 3 miles to the hotel also.

lyndausvi

ditto Stage on not putting it as the only option.  With only 19 rooms (less because I'm sure the couple as at least a room) and 90 guests, it in theory should sell out.  I would find it odd the only option might not even be an option.

arendiva

We will include another local lodge on the accomodations list (which is 3.7 miles away from the venue) because their may be over flow and I don't want anyone to drive 2 hours home inebriated because I didn't provide enough room options. Unfortunately the prices there aren't really any cheaper (and it appears to also include a 2 night minimum). But I'm not sure that can really be helped we are getting married during prime foliage season and that's when these places get tourists. It will also be columbus day weekend (which wasn't my plan but was the only day the venue had left in October).

arendiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cost-to-guests-are-we-doing-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:096975d4-b963-4454-baf6-26ca498b3204Post:3bf57ac2-9151-4fca-a2da-be7b30662ebe">Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]Is the B&B allowing you to have your wedding there for a nominal fee, in exchange for booking the place for the entire weekend?  If so, it seems to me that you are in effect asking your guests to pay for the wedding.  I wouldn't do that UNLESS I had enough people (mostly family) that would be entirely comfortable with this. 
Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

No we are paying for the wedding. There is a $1500 facility use fee and $3000 worth of rentals from the B&B.

achiduck

I think you need to cover the cost of rooms for those that don't book two nights. I provided blocks of rooms at 2 differnt hotels (the most expensive being around $150 for the night, the other closer to $100) and some people said it was too expensive and are cabbing it home because it's cheaper.

For $176-$200 per night you can bet your a$$ I'd only stay one night.

arendiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cost-to-guests-are-we-doing-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:096975d4-b963-4454-baf6-26ca498b3204Post:b13a3398-20a8-44c3-9e7f-644174775d14">Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]We had a similar set-up with our wedding location - the lodges there weren't the only place guests could stay, but the nearest hotel was about 25 minutes away, so most opted to stay there.   We had to pay up front to rent out lodges, and then guests reimbursed us for their costs.  In some cases, they reimbursed the full cost of the rooms.  In other cases, those who couldn't afford the full rate reimbursed us what they were comfortable with.  Would something like that work for you?  That way, you're not out all of the money, but guests still have somewhere to stay that won't break their bank. All that said, ours was a very small wedding of just family and close friends, so it was comfortable to just throw something on our website that said something along the lines of  "pay what you can" - the same thing might not work in a less intimate group. ETA: spelling
Posted by kwitherington[/QUOTE]


I think that would be difficult for us to implement. Since we aren't booking the rooms and then having guests reinburse us. Guests are booking direct with the inn. We haven't even consulted with the inn yet to see if us paying for the first night is feasible but I imagine that would be easier since their two night minimum is a weekend/seasonal policy so obviously their computers know how to charge for one night.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cost-to-guests-are-we-doing-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:096975d4-b963-4454-baf6-26ca498b3204Post:24f4891c-0dfc-48ee-a8af-ecf26d7579ca">Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]We will include another local lodge on the accomodations list (which is 3.7 miles away from the venue) because their may be over flow and <strong>I don't want anyone to drive 2 hours home inebriated because I didn't provide enough room options.</strong> Unfortunately the prices there aren't really any cheaper (and it appears to also include a 2 night minimum). But I'm not sure that can really be helped we are getting married during prime foliage season and that's when these places get tourists. It will also be columbus day weekend (which wasn't my plan but was the only day the venue had left in October).
Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]

<div>I guess I don't see how that's on you.  I've never gotten any kind of accomodations information from a bride/groom, yet I've always been able to figure it out.  These people are adults.  Does the accomodations information help?  Sure, but if you didn't provide it they would still figure it out.</div>

OliveOilsMom

On your accomodations card, I would make sure that guests know that both of your options require a 2 night stay.  If both hotels make a 2 night stay mandatory, I would probably choose the B&B over the other place, because the price is about the same for each one.  So I don't think you'll have a problem filling up the B&B.  Also, the welcome dinner you are planning, would the people who choose to stay at the other accomodation be welcomed?

I also think that if you paid for the first night at your venue, you should pay for the first night at both accomodations.  It would seem to me that you would be favoring some guests but not others. 

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cost-to-guests-are-we-doing-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:096975d4-b963-4454-baf6-26ca498b3204Post:d05bb927-a6a0-4fc1-86e9-143abe1ee993">Re:Cost to guests. Are we doing enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I think you're over complicating things trying to get around the issue of choosing a location with poor accommodation options. I think you should just put the information out there including things like the complimentary meals and let your guests decide. If someone is stupid enough to drive drunk, they are an idiot regardless and that is not on you. I also think the meals you are providing should be open to ALL guests who stay in town if all guests are going to have to pay so much for two nights at either place.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Stage said what I was trying to say much more eloquently.  Also, I agree with opening things to everyone, regardless of where they're staying.</div>

arendiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cost-to-guests-are-we-doing-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:096975d4-b963-4454-baf6-26ca498b3204Post:49093b64-b30d-4b2a-883c-d59ea00ce275">Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]On your accomodations card, I would make sure that guests know that both of your options require a 2 night stay.  If both hotels make a 2 night stay mandatory, I would probably choose the B&B over the other place, because the price is about the same for each one.  So I don't think you'll have a problem filling up the B&B.  Also, the welcome dinner you are planning, would the people who choose to stay at the other accomodation be welcomed? I also think that if you paid for the first night at your venue, you should pay for the first night at both accomodations.  It would seem to me that you would be favoring some guests but not others. 
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

I was thinking more of listing the other hotels as part of a "other nearby options include:[insert here]" sort of thing. the other hotels probably have the 2 nights being saturday and sunday rather than friday and saturday. And frankly I don't want to have to coordinate with a bunch of other hotels in addition to the B&B that the wedding is at. As for the welcome dinner I plan on that being an open invitation on our wedding website so anyone can come for that. The dinner will be held at the B&B.

OliveOilsMom

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cost-to-guests-are-we-doing-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:096975d4-b963-4454-baf6-26ca498b3204Post:7ea535cd-7863-49d6-ab7a-7a8074354562">Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough? : I was thinking more of listing the other hotels as part of a "other nearby options include:[insert here]" sort of thing. the other hotels probably have the 2 nights being saturday and sunday rather than friday and saturday. <strong>And frankly I don't want to have to coordinate with a bunch of other hotels in addition to the B&B that the wedding is at</strong>. As for the welcome dinner I plan on that being an open invitation on our wedding website so anyone can come for that. The dinner will be held at the B&B.
Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]

While I agree that coordinating everything at the multiple accomodations would be a pain.  But what if one guest who is staying at the B&B said to another guest staying at the other place said: Wow, did you have those sandwiches Arendiva provided at lunch today, they were delicious! Or: Isn't it nice that B&G paid for the first night of the hotel? That would make the other guest feel less important.

DramaGeek

Olive, I see what you're saying.  I wonder if the B&B would be ok with letting OPs guests just book for one night, with the understanding that OP would pick up the additional night.  That way no one is saying to the guests "B&G are paying for one night of your lodging."

arendiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cost-to-guests-are-we-doing-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:096975d4-b963-4454-baf6-26ca498b3204Post:a1aa2c59-7977-47f5-a024-fe48bbdd3a23">Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough? : While I agree that coordinating everything at the multiple accomodations would be a pain.  But what if one guest who is staying at the B&B said to another guest staying at the other place said: Wow, did you have those sandwiches Arendiva provided at lunch today, they were delicious! Or: Isn't it nice that B&G paid for the first night of the hotel? That would make the other guest feel less important.
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

I hear what your saying (and the food situation will be open to all) but there's really no way for us to pay for people who are staying at other hotels.

Contacting each and every guest who came to the wedding and asking if they stayed in town, where they stayed,  if they stayed 2 nights, how much itheir room cost etc. would be:

1) time consuming
2)tedious
3)ackward
4)nosy
5) expensive

If people stay at the B&B it's not a huge ordeal. I can pay for the first night before guests even have access to book the rooms. Aside from immediate family who will have first dibs on rooms and will be paying for both nights all of the other rooms will be up for grabs first come first serve. I think that's fair. Yes guests staying at the B&B will get a better deal (in terms of us paying for the first night). But there's perks to booking early.

DramaGeek

OP, I would not advertise the fact that you are potentially paying for a night.  I would just arrange with the B&B to allow guests to just book one room and then charge you for the second night, should that be necessary.

arendiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cost-to-guests-are-we-doing-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:096975d4-b963-4454-baf6-26ca498b3204Post:0f011ef5-52ba-4b73-a588-e0801a0b794b">Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough? : I agree with this.  I think if OP talks to the B&B and asks them to let guests just book ONE night with the agreement that OP will pay for any unused nights by the 2 night policy, that would be the best option.  That way, there isn't an issue of OP paying for some and not others and if people DO choose to book two nights, they can pay for both on their own since they are making that choice.  So far as "coordinating" everything else, it would just be a matter of inviting the other guests to the dinner on Friday night and the Lunch on Saturday.  Since breakfast is included by the B&B, I don't think OP needs to provide breakfast for guests staying at the other place.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I like this idea but my one reservation is that if we are paying for the room we would like it to be used. So our hope is that anyone staying at the B&B actually stays the 2 nights. If people don't know that we are paying $200 for an empty room they aren't going to come up the night before.

DramaGeek

Aren, don't think of it as paying for a room, think of it as the cost of renting the B&B.  I just think it would be rude to say "if you stay here we'll pay one night of your room!"

arendiva

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cost-to-guests-are-we-doing-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:096975d4-b963-4454-baf6-26ca498b3204Post:71647d34-45e7-4633-a658-3d7ea1ef2f6a">Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]Aren, don't think of it as paying for a room, think of it as the cost of renting the B&B.  I just think it would be rude to say "if you stay here we'll pay one night of your room!"
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

I guess that's fair. And in the end that would probably end up being cheaper for us since undoubtedly some of our guests would want to stay 2 nights especially since our families are often only brought together for weddings and will likely use the opportunity as a family reunion of sorts.

OliveOilsMom

Can you create a block of rooms at the 2nd hotel option?  And also coordinate with them about paying for the extra night, if a guest calling to book for the Smith/Jones wedding only wants to stay for one night?  If you do a block of rooms, the hotel can put it in your contract that if guests of your wedding just want to stay one night they can and then the remainder would be billed to you.

I would also put the Friday Welcome dinner on the accomodations card and RSVP card.  This could also encourage people to come up for the wedding on Friday, booking the 2 nights and preventing you from paying for the unused rooms.  If you make the welcome dinner around 8 pm.  Then guests could work their normal 9-5 on Friday, then drive the hour & 45 minutes and make the dinner in time.

arendiva

Yes the more I think about it the more that that seems like the best solution. That way we aren't playing favorites with guests we are just paying the fee associated with unused rooms.

arendiva

Thank you for everyone's advice. You have all been very helpful and have helped me to identify the way to best way accomodate my guests. I think working with the B&B to allow guest to stay one night if they wish is the best option.

That way people can choose to stay 2 nights of their own volition and without any pressure because they know we are paying otherwise. I will still host a welcome dinner and have a serve yourself sandwich bar available for lunch because neither of those 2 things will be very expensive and I don't want guests to have to pay for any food the weekend of my wedding.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Our hotel block was $150 per night. Because it was a little pricey (though much cheaper than the regular rate), we 1) invited everyone to both the rehearsal/welcome dinner and the day after bagel breakfast, in essence covering 3 meals for them and 2) provided a shuttle to the wedding ceremony and reception (different locations) so people would not have to rent cars or pay for cabs.

I felt that was fine. Honestly, I wouldn't offer to cover the first night. People will do what they have to do. You'll end up paying for rooms not booked, anyway, so people who book rooms can pay on their own. MAYBE talk to the hotel about allowing guests to just book 1 night and then pay for the second night if needed.

I've also never attended a wedding where I didn't spend at least 2+ nights in a hotel, as most weddings I've attended involve a flight or a 6+ hour drive.

Belle0720

FI and I are also getting married at a B&B. For Saturday weddings all 10 rooms are included in the venue fee for both nights. We do have the option to have our guests book their own rooms and we can set the prices for the rooms as well. The amount of any rooms booked before the time our final deposit is due will be taken off of our total.

I'd check with your venue and see if you can set this up. We're going to set the room prices so that they're basically just paying for one night and everyone who is staying is immediate family who has already told us they want to stay the whole weekend. But if for any reason the rooms don't all get booked, no big deal.

amymaysa

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cost-to-guests-are-we-doing-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:096975d4-b963-4454-baf6-26ca498b3204Post:24f4891c-0dfc-48ee-a8af-ecf26d7579ca">Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]We will include another local lodge on the accomodations list (which is 3.7 miles away from the venue) because their may be over flow and <strong>I don't want anyone to drive 2 hours home inebriated because I didn't provide enough room options</strong>. Unfortunately the prices there aren't really any cheaper (and it appears to also include a 2 night minimum). But I'm not sure that can really be helped we are getting married during prime foliage season and that's when these places get tourists. It will also be columbus day weekend (which wasn't my plan but was the only day the venue had left in October).
Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]

People are adults. If they want to drive home they can, and if they are, they should know not to get all shitty.

I think you are giving people some options and that's enough

beardo1111

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cost-to-guests-are-we-doing-enough?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:096975d4-b963-4454-baf6-26ca498b3204Post:90847ed0-f1d5-4299-9555-cc52f52c73b7">Re: Cost to guests. Are we doing enough?</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for everyone's advice. You have all been very helpful and have helped me to identify the way to best way accomodate my guests. I think working with the B&B to allow guest to stay one night if they wish is the best option. That way people can choose to stay 2 nights of their own volition and without any pressure because they know we are paying otherwise. I will still host a welcome dinner and have a serve yourself sandwich bar available for lunch because neither of those 2 things will be very expensive and I don't want guests to have to pay for any food the weekend of my wedding.
Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]

I think you're picking the best option.  Plus, allowing people to book just one night will probably fill up space in the B&B moreso than if the only option was to book two nights.  At the end of the day some combination of you and your guests has to pay for all 19 rooms for both nights right?  Hopefully letting people book just one night will defray your costs somewhat.