Why to Include a SO

daffydillie

I went to the mailbox today expecting a good friend of my showers invitation. I saw an invitation in the mail, opened it quickly before work,  and was completely confused about who this invitation was for. I looked at it and it was to FI. Oops.

Well I read the outside of the envelope and it was addressed only to FI and mailed to my house. I was all sorts of confused. It was an invite to this girl's birthday party. Then there was also a wedding invite and it was also addressed to only FI from the same girl.

Needless to say I was extremely angry. Granted, FI is more or less living with me now but still gets his mail from his dad's house until we find out if we are moving next month. But I was angry that this girl asked him for where we were living then did not even invite me. FI thinks she just "forgot" to include me. But for her baby shower, birthday party, AND wedding invite? I dont think so. (Several months ago she invited FI to her baby shower and not me)

HandBanana

I'm a little confused.  It was a wedding birthday party combo?  When was this baby shower and why did she even invite a guy?

ILoveToRobot

It sounds like there was two invites in one? That's rude in the first place but I coudlv'e misunderstood. Anyhoo the girl who is inviting your FI seems to be ignorant of etiquette. Don't try to get too worked up about it. Sounds like the bride is ignorant of etiquette. I'd ask FI to call the bride to clarify.

daffydillie

Two seperate invitations. A little one to a birthday party. And her wedding invite also came at the same time. I am guessing she mailed them the same day.

Her baby shower was about 2 months ago if I remember correctly. FI could not go because it was my weekend off and we had a mutual friend's weddign to go to. And I too thought it was odd that she invited a guy and not me to a Tea party type baby shower, and was insistent he did not have to bother me by inviting me.

VeggieLove1022

Just have FI call and clear it up. If she says that the invitation was to only him he can decline if he feels like it. If it was to both of you then decide together if you two want to go. 

daffydillie

I think I would not even care if she would not have looked up my address and mailed his invitation to my house. If she is still going to treat him as single, then she should use his address and not mine. He is definitely going to decline the birthday party, it is this Sunday night at 6pm and we already have plans plus its a two hour drive and work Monday.

FI tells me everything and I know they were scrapping for the wedding. I would not be surprised considering the other parties I was intentionally left off.

I am actually probably more mad the dang thing was in MY mailbox instead of FI's when she has no plans on including me. She knows that FI still gets his mail at his dad's while we are transitioning.

JessAndTrav

This girl sounds off anyway---I'm sorry, but I wouldn't be throwing myself a birthday party and a wedding. That looks gift grabby, IMO.

Our wedding was 2 weeks before Christmas, and we told our families not to get us anything for Christmas, because we didn't need anything. They didn't listen, but we didn't want them to think that we expected gifts right after they've gotten us gifts.

RebeccaB88

Have him call her and clear things up.

Personally, I think she's sending you a very clear, but rude, message.  I would expect that my FI not attend if I was not welcome.

Simply Fated

Thats pretty shady to send the invitations to your house and not even invite you. Once is an oversight. Three times? Either she is being very clear who she's inviting or maybe she really doesn't know to put your name on the envelope and just assumes you would know you're also invited. I'd have FI call and clear things up because ya never know.

daffydillie

He just texted me on his break and talked to her when he got to work. I was indeed correct and was not included on purpose. He just think she is not thinking properly because she is pregnant. She keeps telling him she doesnt want to intrude into my busy life by inviting me to these functions. And when he said about bringing me along she said she didnt want me to be inconveinced. Hmm, interesting. He said he is declining the invitations. He doesnt go to functions without me on our weekends off together, so both this birthday party and wedding are out.

For some reason since the baby shower thing I had been thinking this girl has been carrying a torch for FI. And the more time passes, the more I think this to be true. Girls are crazy these days.

HandBanana

Does she dislike you?  Did you kill her cat or dog or something?  Did she date him before? 

Just so odd.  How is that inconveniencing you to send the invite to your home and to obvious exclude you?

daffydillie

I did not think she did, we just invited her and her SO to our family BBQ. We did go up for a BBQ her brother had and her kids were playing with our weenie dogs. I did not know there were any problems.

Her and FI used to work together at a banquet hall prior to us meeting. She is also the sister to our mutual friend. As far as I know they never dated but were friends. She went out with FI, her brother, and several friends because her parents used to make her brother take her out with him when she was younger. She started talking to FI after that. Since she has gotten pregnant I keep finding her texting him at weird hours and about stuff I keep telling FI she should be talking to her FI about.

Its so bizarre. But I started getting a weird feeling about the situation when she seemed to be making excuses to FI why she got pregnant. FI is naive and just tries to be a good friend to everyone. After I pointed out how inappropriate her conversations with him were and he thought about it, he has not been talking to her as much.

Simply Fated

She's pregnant and getting married... and she holds a torch for your FI? Holy cray cray Batman. I mean, isn't it up to you whether or not you want to be inconvenienced? And how is it an inconvenience, anyway. Clearly she's using that as an excuse because she doesn't want to invite you. Good on your FI for not only turning down the invitations, but for putting the brakes on the weird convos. If she calls or texts again with something she should be discussing with HER FI, your FI should probably let her know.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_why-to-include-a-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09860127-1156-4763-b5b5-5dcad4c74de2Post:ec020b18-ecd4-4ea8-87b6-ab50d38c3a63">Re: Why to Include a SO</a>:
[QUOTE]I did not think she did, we just invited her and her SO to our family BBQ. We did go up for a BBQ her brother had and her kids were playing with our weenie dogs. I did not know there were any problems. Her and FI used to work together at a banquet hall prior to us meeting. She is also the sister to our mutual friend. As far as I know they never dated but were friends. She went out with FI, her brother, and several friends because her parents used to make her brother take her out with him when she was younger. She started talking to FI after that. <strong>Since she has gotten pregnant I keep finding her texting him at weird hours and about stuff I keep telling FI she should be talking to her FI about. </strong>Its so bizarre. But I started getting a weird feeling about the situation when she seemed to be making excuses to FI why she got pregnant. <strong>FI is naive and just tries to be a good friend to everyone.</strong> After I pointed out how inappropriate her conversations with him were and he thought about it, he has not been talking to her as much.
Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]

Oh, yeah.  Red flag.  Glad you saw it and that your FI seems to be aware as well but he needs to STOP TALKING TO HER.  In any form.  Sounds like she's purposely not inviting you because she's into your FI.   If this was happening to me, I would ask my FI to please decline all invitations to anything.

HandBanana

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_why-to-include-a-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09860127-1156-4763-b5b5-5dcad4c74de2Post:ec020b18-ecd4-4ea8-87b6-ab50d38c3a63">Re: Why to Include a SO</a>:
[QUOTE]I did not think she did, we just invited her and her SO to our family BBQ. We did go up for a BBQ her brother had and her kids were playing with our weenie dogs. I did not know there were any problems. Her and FI used to work together at a banquet hall prior to us meeting. She is also the sister to our mutual friend. As far as I know they never dated but were friends. She went out with FI, her brother, and several friends because her parents used to make her brother take her out with him when she was younger. She started talking to FI after that. Since she has gotten pregnant I keep finding her texting him at weird hours and about stuff I keep telling FI she should be talking to her FI about. Its so bizarre. But I started getting a weird feeling about the situation when she seemed to be making excuses to FI why she got pregnant. FI is naive and just tries to be a good friend to everyone. After I pointed out how inappropriate her conversations with him were and he thought about it, he has not been talking to her as much.
Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]

I would go so far as to say he shouldn't be talking to her at all and he should decline these invites.

H is kind of dense when it comes to this stuff too.  I try to reshape the situation and say something like: Would you think it is appropriate for me to text other guys XYZ as you and I are getting ready to get married?

mbrischoux

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_why-to-include-a-so?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:09860127-1156-4763-b5b5-5dcad4c74de2Post:e473e1c6-1dcf-48d9-895d-12362e8d4eb3">Re: Why to Include a SO</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Why to Include a SO : Oh, yeah.  Red flag.  Glad you saw it and that your FI seems to be aware as well but he needs to STOP TALKING TO HER.  In any form.  Sounds like she's purposely not inviting you because she's into your FI.   If this was happening to me, I would ask my FI to please decline all invitations to anything.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

I completely agree with this.  Your fiance needs to cut all ties with this girl and fast.  It's not healthy for your relationship at all.

daffydillie

I talked to FI. He is going to keep discussions with her to a minimum. I framed the situation in another way that really got his attention so we will see what happens. I understand he will still talk to her when her brother is around kind of thing but this girl is cray cray. She wants him to help plan her wedding and everything. Heck I have a hard enough time getting him to make decisions for his own dang wedding.