Wedding Etiquette Forum

OH, the money dance...

So. I'm not so fond of this dance and it was the first thing my mom and I talked about when we started planning. We agreed that we shouldn't do the dance and there was no talk of it after. Fast forward a year and EVERYONE is asking if we're doing it. When I say no, they act dissapointed and shocked (it is quite common in FI and my families to do the dance). I was speaking to another relative who was like you HAVE to do the dance. She kind of talked me into it (as much as I regret saying that).

I then mentioned it to my mom and she said well I was just agreeing with you in the beginning but I actually thought you should do it. Now, we're seriously considering it. FI thinks that we should do it. My mom, him and everyone else who's asking about it reasons it as a way for people to dance with us and they swear up and down that people do want to dance with us. We've sorta kinda came to a conclusion that we'll do the dance if we hear people asking about it at the reception. We'll just play it by ear... What do you think? I don't think it's a cultural thing as I'm not Polish but it definately is a traditional thing in our family.

I just don't want to come off tacky especially since this is a fairly upscale wedding...

Edit - when I say "not so fond of it" I mean that I think it's tacky but I jump every time I go to a wedding with it.
image
«1

Re: OH, the money dance...

  • edited July 2012
    I think it's regional too, everyone does them here and they think you're a dumbass if you don't.

    With that said, just because it's acceptable in your circle doesn't mean you should do it if you aren't comfortable with it.  If you are hemming and hawing over something and just aren't sure about something, I think your best bet would be to just skip it.  I mean, better to have just skipped it than have it and possibly not enjoy it.  Sounds like you really take issue with it.

    And whatever you decide, you don't have to let anyone know before hand.  FFS, no one needs to know all the ins and outs of your wedding before it happens.  Keep your damn mouth shut.
    panther
  • I had never been to a wedding with one until my SIL's wedding last year.  Her H is Brazilian and they asked you to cut a piece of the groom's tie off and then donate money.  I think this is a variation of the money dance.  At any rate, I thought it was super tacky and felt guilted into giving money.  I'd stay away from this.  
  • What do you find "tacky" about it? The money? The fact that you would need to dance with the guests? If it's the money, don't take money for it. Just dance with everyone. Make the "price" a picture with the bride or groom during the dance, or  a piece of advice (or a funny story or joke) while dancing, or something like that. If the idea of dancing with people is "tacky", then skip it, or just accept the fact that people want to do it.

    I don't think it would sully your upscale wedding, honestly. It's popular in my family, and the Italians back in the day used to host no other type BUT an upscale wedding.

    (I am not a fan of the T-word, plus it is very much a subjective term in my opinion)
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    HeathenSwan, wouldn't not taking money during the money dance make it, you know, not a money dance?

    Is everyone invited to your wedding close family OP? Because if you have any OOTers invited I wouldn't do it -- if you don't come from a circle that does this, they're likely to be offended.
    Lizzie
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-the-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09899c70-cd13-40ce-8efa-f407daec921dPost:0f1e23db-d88d-4996-be56-1f1f8a3a467d">Re: OH, the money dance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]What do you find "tacky" about it? The money? The fact that you would need to dance with the guests? If it's the money, don't take money for it. Just dance with everyone. Make the "price" a picture with the bride or groom during the dance, or  a piece of advice (or a funny story or joke) while dancing, or something like that. If the idea of dancing with people is "tacky", then skip it, or just accept the fact that people want to do it. <strong>I don't think it would sully your upscale wedding</strong>, honestly. It's popular in my family, and the Italians back in the day used to host no other type BUT an upscale wedding. (I am not a fan of the T-word, plus it is very much a subjective term in my opinion)
    Posted by HeathenSwan[/QUOTE]

    The bolded isn't my concern. I'm just concerned that people might side eye the fact that my parents spent so much on the wedding but then we ask guests for money... Ya know? Anyway, I like the idea of the "price" being a picture or something of that sort but I'm not sure how that would work... Something to think about. Thanks!
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-the-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09899c70-cd13-40ce-8efa-f407daec921dPost:7b3e003d-72b3-4c21-a4f5-4414af79906b">Re: OH, the money dance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]HeathenSwan, wouldn't not taking money during the money dance make it, you know, not a money dance? Is everyone invited to your wedding close family OP? Because if you have any OOTers invited I wouldn't do it -- if you don't come from a circle that does this, they're likely to be offended.
    Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]

    There are about 3 people total flying from Canada and the East coast. However, everyone will be traveling an hour and a half to 2 and a half hours (depending on their location). It's a mini destination wedding so quite a few people are already spending a tank of fuel and a night or two at a hotel plus meals. That part makes me question it the most but makes me think if people are asking at the reception then it would be OK.
    image
  • aragx6aragx6 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-the-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:09899c70-cd13-40ce-8efa-f407daec921dPost:0840cdd6-b687-409d-8432-9a14cd7915b1">Re: OH, the money dance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OH, the money dance... : There are about 3 people total flying from Canada and the East coast. However, everyone will be traveling an hour and a half to 2 and a half hours (depending on their location). It's a mini destination wedding so quite a few people are already spending a tank of fuel and a night or two at a hotel plus meals. That part makes me question it the most but <strong>makes me think if people are asking at the reception then it would be OK.
    </strong>Posted by ILoveToRobot[/QUOTE]

    But unless every single person asks about it I don't see the difference, that's all. You already know, based on the responses you've gotten thus far, that some people are going to ask about it. But if say, I, were at your wedding I wouldn't bring it up because it wouldn't cross my mind that you'd be doing it. And then you'd do it and I'd assume you planned to, and I'd be annoyed. I will say I personally wouldn't be offended unless a bridesmaid came around wrangling people to participate. But others are much more hard line than that.
    Lizzie
  • I hate the whole idea of a money dance.  Tradion or not, it just seems like you're hungry for more money.  People already pay alot between pre wedding events and the wedding itself.....I would definitely pass on this. 
  • Do you want to do the money dance? Then, do it. If you don't want to do the money dance, then don't do it.
    Please don't use tradition or other people's expectations/reactions as reasons to do something you might not want to do. If you want to do it, do it. No excuses, k?
    If people are influencing you and talking you into doing things you don't want to do, there is a bigger issue going on here, kwim?

    Obviously you're in a situation where if you do a money dance, you risk getting side-eyed.
    There are also people side-eyeing you for NOT doing it. This is a no win situation for you.

    Why are people upset that you aren't doing the dance? Is it a tradition they like? I heard one bride on here defend the dance because it's the only time guests get to spend with the bride, which can easily be rectified by the bride, ya know, talking to their guests and dancing with them by not charging them lol.


    Forget what people are telling you. What do you want to do?
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-the-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09899c70-cd13-40ce-8efa-f407daec921dPost:0f1e23db-d88d-4996-be56-1f1f8a3a467d">Re: OH, the money dance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]What do you find "tacky" about it? The money? The fact that you would need to dance with the guests? If it's the money, don't take money for it. Just dance with everyone. Make the "price" a picture with the bride or groom during the dance, or  a piece of advice (or a funny story or joke) while dancing, or something like that. If the idea of dancing with people is "tacky", then skip it, or just accept the fact that people want to do it. I don't think it would sully your upscale wedding, honestly. It's popular in my family, and the Italians back in the day used to host no other type BUT an upscale wedding.<strong> (I am not a fan of the T-word, plus it is very much a subjective term in my opinion)</strong>
    Posted by HeathenSwan[/QUOTE]

    This. If it's expected in both your families it won't come off that tacky.

    It isn't done at all in my family and the first time I attended a wedding with one I was pretty confused, but when I saw the other guests get into it and realized it was just another tradition I got over it pretty quickly. 
  • hellebhelleb member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary
    I like the idea of another "price" for it.  One reason people look forward to the "money" dance is that sometimes that is all the contact they will get with you or your then H if you have a large guest list.  I was at one wedding where the only time we even had a chance to speak to the B&G was during the reception line after the ceremony.  I know they had so many guests it was impossible to speak with everyone at another time but it was disappointing especially for the older crowd i.e. aunts/uncles.  If you put a different "price" on it, they will still get the face to face time and you will have extra time to converse with your guests.

    We are having a small wedding 50-80 guests so we are not having a money dance but the only dancing we will be doing is the father/daughter, mother/son and first dance.  We are excited though to spend the evening with our guests.  We are trying to make it as personal as possible.
  • I'm also get a lot of pressure to do the money dance.  From my friends and FI's family.  I don't have contact with my family, so there won't be any pressure either direction fromthere.  It is very very common in our circle and familes. I never really thought much about it before coming to TK.  I wasn't really planning on having it, but mostly because all of our friends are broke, and I didnt' want them feeling obligated to come out of pocket to dance with us. Not necessarily because I thought of the tacky factor.   I don't think I've ever been to a wedding without the money dance actually.

    With that said... since hanging around here, and seeing how offensive it is to some people... I have been waging a 4 month battle with my FI as well as family & friends to try to avoid having it.
  • Oh, just do the goddamn money dance.  You might as well act like a tacky biiitch around your families too.
  • egm900egm900 member
    500 Comments
    I don't buy the "this is the only time your guests may have a chance to spend time with the bride" argument either.  If that's true, that means I've spent how much money on shower and wedding gifts, not to mention my time to go to wedding events, just to have to spend more money to see the bride.

    If you do it, do it because you want to, not because other people want you to.  I can only imagine what my wedding would look like if we did what everyone wanted us to do.  I'm not personally a fan of money dances, but I keep my opinion to myself (just because someone does something that's rude doesn't mean I should reciprocate).
  • It's very common in my circle to do the dollar dance, but I've always hated it. Our DJ asked what songs we were using for it and I said, "We're not doing it at all" and that was the end of the conversation. If you really don't want to do it, no one can make you. Just don't do it.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-the-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09899c70-cd13-40ce-8efa-f407daec921dPost:53478110-9424-4e3a-a6fe-c08b1dfe66a8">Re: OH, the money dance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh, just do the goddamn money dance.  You might as well act like a tacky biiitch around your families too.
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

    Dude really? You're going to follow me around and call me names? That's mature. Go back to your thread bashing me and deal with it. Obviously, you don't have as great of esteem as you said otherwise you wouldn't bother with me.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-the-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09899c70-cd13-40ce-8efa-f407daec921dPost:0ab8102f-c913-434e-93b1-21f7890cc1fe">Re: OH, the money dance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OH, the money dance... : Dude really? You're going to follow me around and call me names? That's mature. Go back to your thread bashing me and deal with it. Obviously, you don't have as great of esteem as you said otherwise you wouldn't bother with me.
    Posted by ILoveToRobot[/QUOTE]

    <div>I didn't call you names.  And I'm really bored this afternoon, so "following you" (which was REALLY challenging, as you know, this thread was two above mine) is my entertainment for the afternoon.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-the-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09899c70-cd13-40ce-8efa-f407daec921dPost:6fdc1d34-b099-4d3e-ae78-7cd5d1e2ae55">Re: OH, the money dance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OH, the money dance... : I didn't call you names.  And I'm really bored this afternoon, so "following you" (which was REALLY challenging, as you know, this thread was two above mine) is my entertainment for the afternoon.
    Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

    I'm sure. But ya know I love your pics and I'm really not one for making enemies so if you're down to make a truce I'm all for it.
    image
  • alright the "im sure" comment was snotty but I had to get that in lol
    image
  • Huh.  You're an odd duck.  Maybe you should take a break from the keyboard for the next few days?
  • Oh good. TP is here. Now we'll just have a whole bunch of crazy going around. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-the-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09899c70-cd13-40ce-8efa-f407daec921dPost:390db7b5-8a8f-48a5-9d0a-0661cf947867">Re: OH, the money dance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Oh good. TP is here. Now we'll just have a whole bunch of crazy going around. 
    Posted by pokepoke27[/QUOTE]


    Haha, really? I wish you'd left as much of an impression on me as I must have on you.

    Neither of us is involved, let's keep it that way, mmmkay?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-the-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09899c70-cd13-40ce-8efa-f407daec921dPost:88390576-57a3-4312-8549-a5731e5b167a">Re: OH, the money dance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: OH, the money dance... : Haha, really? I wish you'd left as much of an impression on me as I must have on you. Neither of us is involved, let's keep it that way, mmmkay?
    Posted by thurmanpowell[/QUOTE]

    <div>Sure ; )</div>
  • WTF!? one post that didn't go over well turns into a whole lot of bat shiiii crazy!? FFS can't we all just get along?
    image
  • What did you want me to do MUNI considering you're so confused by my olive branch?
    image
  • If its truly done at every wedding on both sides of the family go for it. However I think pinning random scraps of paper is kind of strange. Etiquette is about making your guests comfortable and keeping them entertained so if no one is offended just do it.

  • OH FOR FUCCKS SAKE.  I TRIED TO BE NICE TO YOU BUT GO THE FUCCK AWAY NOW.

    You sound like an idiotic, thundercunt biiiiitch and I hope you gain at least 50 pounds this year.



    I wonder why Robot doesn't have a sig picture?  Think it might be because she's ugly as a foot?


    Those are words from you. Obviously you did call me names and you said you didn't. You're pretty nasty in the way you treat people. I was speaking in a friendly tone with no offense intended and this is the backlash I got. You seem like a really "nice" person. I'm pretty surprised by the hypocrisy of it all and the AW of it too. Although I suppose I shouldn't be surprised...
    image
  • Are you just talking to yourself now ILTR?
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_oh-the-money-dance?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:09899c70-cd13-40ce-8efa-f407daec921dPost:69ecdf4d-2907-49f0-ba91-3e5870132789">Re: OH, the money dance...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Are you just talking to yourself now ILTR?
    Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]

    Obviously not if you joined the conversation. Looking for drama?
    image
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards