I'm getting married in 15 days.
My fiancé and I have been engaged since October. I have to admit, I've experienced more disappointment over the past few months than I have in my entire life.
My fiancé’s sister originally came with me looking for a wedding dress, back over the wintertime. This was really our first time spending time together, alone. I observed some controlling behavior from her when we went out on these ventures -- I would come home at night and talk to my fiancé about it. One day, he mentioned what I said to him -- to his sister, and she got upset with me. I went over to her house to talk with her and smooth out the situation, apologize for not speaking directly to her about the way I was feeling. She's not been the same since. She's one of my bridesmaids (I only have two, her and my maid of honor) and has shown zero interest in anything about the wedding since. I've stopped asking for her thoughts and ideas or help at this point.
My oldest and dearest friend from high school, who I also asked to be my matron of honor, backed out of her responsibilities two months before the wedding in an email -- simply because I asked her if there was a reason she didn't want to come visit me. (I live in Rochester, NY and she lives on Long Island.) This was after she said she couldn't come to my bachelorette party/wine tour (due to work) and also canceled a trip back in December to help look for bridesmaid dresses (due to snow/canceled flight). I just told her in an email -- although I said I understood why she couldn't come to the bachelorette/that I respect her work -- that I felt like she didn't want to come visit me (I've lived here for 5 years now) and, should I be feeling this? Is what I am feeling true? Her response was this huge email about how I expect too much of others and that I only do things for others because I want them to "owe" me later. All I wanted was to share my new life and home with her, and this is the answer that I received, plus the "I'm not coming to your wedding and have a nice life." I've looked at my behavior and wondered, did I have too many expectations for her? I guess I just wanted my friend to visit me, not because she owed me anything, but because she wanted to see me. That she wanted to see my new life and home. And I wanted her by my side on my wedding day because she was my oldest and dearest friend. All I can think of is that the way the two of us were raised, the difference in our families and expectations, can account for what she has done to me. We've never fought over our entire 20+ year friendship. Did I mention she's been married a year and still living in her sister-in-law's basement? I've thought that maybe she's a changed person because of all this, and that this can account for her behavior now. But, honestly, I never thought she would not come to the wedding or be there for me.
My aunt and uncle and two cousins and their families aren't coming to my wedding either. My mother got into a fight about a year ago with my aunt, her sister. I called my aunt this mother's day and also repeatedly called my female cousin. I also visited for a day over the summer with everyone. I tried to reach out to them to mend the situation early on. But, in the end, the RSVP cards have come back with regrets. They are the only family that I have. So, it will be an embarrassment that I have no family members, outside my parents and brother, coming to the wedding.
All of my friends from Long Island, where I grew up, have RSVP'd with regrets. Our wedding will be in the Poconos, about a two hour drive from Long Island. It's a four hour drive from Rochester. Many of my Rochester friends are coming, as are a majority of the groom's family who reside in the Rochester area.
On the flip side, I have friends from grad school and college that are coming from all over the country -- California, Colorado, Virginia, D.C. I am very grateful for their willingness to travel and be there for me. I love my fiancé very much, and he's been at my side through all the ups and downs this wedding roller coaster ride has been. I am appreciative of him, and my two young future step sons who have been a constant joy and a laugh or two when things have gotten sad for me. I am paying for this wedding myself -- I am grateful that I can buy the things that I want and make this day what I'd like it to be; all the unique things that are reflective of my fiancé and I.
I guess I've been feeling such disappointment over the behavior of some family and friends and I'm just trying to get in a good place about it so that I can enjoy the day. I am trying to be positive about all the very good things that others are doing for us, like my good friend from college jumping into the seat of maid of honor with two months notice. I shouldn't let the behavior of some subtract from the goodness of others. But sometimes I am weak and think about the negative.
I'm looking for some support from other brides out there that may be going through the same stuff. Why does it seem that a wedding would bring out people's worst behavior? I always thought it would be a happy time...I'm 33 years old, have been to and been in many other weddings. Have I been blind to the character of some my entire life?