Wedding Etiquette Forum

Did anyone actually show up wearing jeans?

Just curious. I've noticed that proper etiquette no longer applies. In the past year, I've been to weddings, funerals, graduation ceremonies, and even "formal" affiars where people have worn jeans. Girls wear jeans and glittery tops, and guys wear jeans and blazers. Both are equally tacky, in my opinion.

I always thought that for fancy affairs, a nice pair of pants was considered proper etiquette. My coworker sent me pics of her daughter's bridal shower. It was clearly an elegant affair...they probably spent as much as I will on my wedding. In the first few pics, it looked really formal. Even the gift tables were adorned by beautiful fabrics, and the chairs at ever table were dressed with bows...not my taste, but it was pretty glamorous. Most of the guests were really dressed up, but her daughter was wearing jeans, high heels, and a gray t-shirt with glitter on the front.

I just attended a fancy (and expensive) benefit for Haiti, where some of the women dressed similarly. Is this appropriate now?

Re: Did anyone actually show up wearing jeans?

  • I think showers/benefits etc, no matter how formal, are probably not regarded with the same formality as weddings (that, and- doesn't the bride often get surprised for the shower? Perhaps she dressed not realising what was going on that day? Forgive my ignorance, but we don't do showers here). 


    Anyway, to answer your question- no, I don't think this is appropriate now. That said, I wouldn't have a clue if anyone was wearing jeans to my wedding- I certainly didn't pay attention to my guests' attire on the day of.

  • I had guests wear everything from jeans to long formal evening gowns...the wedding was at 9 AM on a Wednesday.
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  • I myself have never seen anyone wear jeans to a wedding. Actually, I didn't know people actually did this before TK.
  • No one wore jeans at our wedding.  I've only seen jeans at a wedding once and that was clearly the dress code.  I was inappropriately dressed in a sundress.  Jeans with a blazer or sparkly top are more acceptable at places like trendy restaurants or shows, but I think most people know when to put on nicer clothes. 
  • Yep.  My stepdad did.  They were black, not blue, so you really couldn't tell.  Either way, it didn't bother me in the least.  I told everyone to wear whatever they were comfortable in; I was just happy to have him at the wedding.  He was even in family pictures (gasp!) and trust me, they we're ruined.

    As far as the daughter's bridal shower, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that her parents planned the shower the way that they wanted to (which was an all out, elegant affair) when she what she wanted was something more low-key.

    I guess I just don't understand what the big deal is about someone wearing a nice pair of jeans and dressing them up a little.  Unless you're having a black tie affair, you really can't dictate a guest's choice of attire.  And if you let yourself stress about it, that's on you. 

    And as far as the benefit for Haiti?  I wouldn't care if people wore bermuda shorts and flip flops if it meant more money raised.
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  • I've seen jeans at very casual weddings but the thing that got me most recently was I went to a funeral yesterday and there were people there wearing sweatpants! A lot of people were wearing jeans and not really dressed up but seriously sweats?! I felt so overdressed compared to the people that were there but was not wearing anything out of the ordinary (or so I think) for a funeral. I was just taken aback when I saw this..

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  • I went to a wedding where a guest was wearing camouflage cargo shorts and flip flops, his date/gf/whatever was wearing a tank top with a pink bra showing through.  At our wedding, a couple showed up in khakis and collared shirts.  It wasn't jeans, but you can bet Robert wears a coat and tie to every wedding we've ever been to.

    I really don't think anyone cared.  Not to mention, it doesn't make anyone look bad but the person dressed inappropriately.

    That being said, in FL, you'll have to look REALLY hard to find a woman that still wears panty hose or knee highs or stockings of any kinds. 

    Do I think that people should know how to dress for certain occasions? Absolutely.  Do I think that there is a decent number of people that don't know or don't care and aren't going to change?  You bet.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Yes I had a couple who wore jeans.   I was only annoyed at their excuse. 

    Do not get me wrong I was not mad or anything, nor did I question them wearing jeans.  The woman stopped me in the bathroom and felt the need to explain why they were in jeans.  We had a tropical storm with 50mph wind driven rains, she said she didn't want to wear the dress she bought because she wanted to wear the dress  to another event.   I didn't know why she felt the need to tell me my event was not worthy of wearing a dress but the other event was.  She should have just not said anything.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I think fashion and 'looks' have become so important to us that sometimes we forget what's really important in life.   

    I was at a funeral where people showed up wearing jeans, sweatpants with holes and white tee's. Being dressed appropriately, I was taken back by this. Later, it was brought to my attention that those clothes were all they had. However, they came to mourn the death of a loved one and were equally upset. This being their norm and the only way the deceased had ever seen them, I doubt she would have cared that they were not dressed to impress.

    Don't get me wrong, I do believe that appropriate clothing should be worn accordingly but there are circumstances where sometimes, it just isn't possible.
  • No one wore jeans at our wedding.

    When my MOH got married, another of her BMs showed up in jeans and some shitty top to her shower and we were all offended.  She's a teacher and has plenty of nicer clothes, but oh well.  She's the one that looked out of place.  And they weren't even cute, dressy jeans or anything.

    I think that a nice pair of jeans that are dressed up are perfectly fine for a shower or smaller event, but I wouldn't wear them to a wedding.  Looking like you just did some yard work is never appropriate, though.
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  • A guy wore jeans to our wedding. He was a friend of DH's parents and we didn't particularly want to invite him. I only noticed because when we visited tables, the first thing out of his mouth was "so when are you guys having kids." Actually, that was the only thing he said, so he didn't make a great impression.

    I would never wear jeans to a shower or anything like that.
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  • My ex boss wore jeans to our wedding, but apparently he apologized to DH for it. He's living part-time in the US and realized that he forgot to pack his dress pants for his trip to Chile. He looked fine though because he was wearing a blazer, shirt and dress shoes, so it wasn't a totally casual look.

    I wouldn't wear jeans to a formal event like a wedding or funeral, but I do think that dark jeans with a fancier top/accessories are becoming more acceptable for nice dinners and events like a shower.
  • I have never seen any one wear jeans to a wedding. I never knew this was an issue until TK, it just seemed like common sense not to.

    Butttt then I came here, heard about it, and my own MIL wore jeans to my RD which was pretty fancy too soooooo there's that.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    A guy wore a cowboy hat to our wedding.  A full on, let's go wrangle some steers, home on the range, rawhide, stetson.  I don't remember, but I would assume he wore jeans.  I can't imagine that any other pants would go with a cowboy hat.  Whatever.   He was someone's date and there was a running joke about who brought the cowboy.   

    I was thinking about this the other day in terms of church.  I cannot wear jeans to church.  It just feels wrong.  But I remember noticing last year at Christmas that a ridiculous about of people were wearing jeans at midnight mass.  I was really surprised.  
  • I don't think the rules have changed, I just think people are more likely to go against them.  I'm a bit old fashioned and a pretty conservative dresser, so I like to err on the side of formality, personally. 

    No one wore jeans to my wedding, but my SIL and BIL changed into jeans, sweatshirts, and sneakers as soon as the cake was cut.  At the time I didn't notice/care, but they are in the background of what would have been one of my favorite photos, so I was a bit annoyed.  The thing to remember is that it reflects on them and not you.

    I was appalled at what girls wore to my sister's graduation.  There were lots of girls in jeans and glittery tops like you said, like they were ready to hit the club as soon as they left.  Klassy. 

    I went to a baby shower a few weeks ago and felt way overdressed.  I was the only one not in jeans.  The hostess had a lovely home in the swanky part of town, and the guestlist was all professionals in their late 20's to early 30's.  I guess I just didn't get the memo that it was going to be casual?    Again, I err on the side of formality.  I'd rather be the only one in a dress than the only one in jeans. 
  • Again, I err on the side of formality.  I'd rather be the only one in a dress than the only one in jeans. 

    Stop using common sense! It is so 20th century.
  • No one wore jeans to my first wedding (second one was only 13 people, all immediate family, so definitey no one was dressed inappropriately). One person wore khakis and a t-shirty kind of shirt and it was definitely noticed by me and many others -- people did ask later about who on earth that was (it was the live-in lover of a cousin of the ex's who the ex couldn't stand). She looked like an idiot at a formal wedding.

    I've only attended one wedding where some people were in jeans -- it was a bunch of hippies at a good friend's wedding and the only surprise there was that so many of them did dress appropriately, not the ones who didn't.
  • I don't think anyone wore jeans at the wedding but I couldn't tell you for sure.

    I did wear jeans to a friend's baby shower a few years ago. She was very big on "games" and I was not about to go buy a pair of dress pants so I could crawl around on the floor and play with water balloons.

    I know with me, and I know this is a crappy excuse, I lived in a uniform, jeans, or pajamas and didn't have money to buy unneccessary clothes. Since I rarely went anywhere fancy or with a dress code I just didn't have the wardrobe. Now I would just wear some slacks and a shirt I would wear to work and call it a day.
  • How about an ankle monitor?  Happened to a friend at his wedding - his future son-in-law was able to come to wedding (with a law enforcement minder) AND he wore shorts so the monitor was visable.  Jeans might have been a better choice.
  • Yes, there were several guests who wore jeans to my wedding (it was a pretty casual wedding in rural Idaho).  I personally would never do it, but I expected it and really didn't care.

    People are just lazier now in regards to their appearance.  There's a girl I constantly see on campus who always wears sweats and slippers to class.  Now THAT'S pushing it a little too far.
  • I have worn jeans to a wedding. Dark demin, with heels and a nice top. But that was the general idea of what people were wearing. The brides brother wore jeans and a t shirt.
  • There was an *ahem* shotgum wedding I attended a couple years was probably the most disorganized wedding I've been to...the chapel was waaaaay too small!  Ditto for the reception (inside and outside because there was no space and no chairs!!), AND they had no person announcing the "first dance" "cake cutting" or anything...and so I missed them...and the bouquet toss :(.  It was CHAOS!!! 

    Needless to say, I wasn't upset about wearing a nice pair of dark jeans there...I knew it was a casual thrown together wedding, and I really don't think they noticed or cared.

    BUT to my cousin's formal cathedral ceremony and country club reception?  Strapless gown all the way...
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  • I had several guests wear jeans to the wedding, even a member of the family that was in family pics. Luckily he showed up late and wasn't in most of them, but it did irritate me. That's the only one that bugged me, the rest I didn't really care. And I wasn't surprised. I expected it from DH's family. They have no sense of formality. DH doesn't even own a nice suit. It kills me.
  • We had a quest or two show up to our wedding reception in jeans.
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