Wording for tracking down RSVP's

smallsmp8

Hi,

  I am just checking in to see if you are able to come to our wedding.  The RSVP date was yesterday and we did not receive your response card, yet.  Let us know!

Love,
 Jenna

Is that too straight to the point?  Help please

Nebb

I think you would be better off calling.

FutureMrsDudley55

I think calling is the better way to go as well.

ashmy211

I said basically the same thing but added something along the lines of "we want to be sure to have a seat and meal for you if you are coming and need to give a head count to our venue as soon as possible". I felt bad bugging people about it, but they were the one's who didn't respond in the first place so I got over it.

Edit: PP's are right. I only sent emails when people were not returning our phone calls.

opalsky007

Yeah, people ignore emails. By calling, you force them to give you an answer right then. It's annoying, but so is waiting around on email responses that aren't coming.

Pink7781

Definitely call and I would give them a few more days if your RSVP date was only yesterday.

cukimerrydoll

I agree with calling, but I like what you put if you have to leave a voicemail!  Short and sweet is how I prefer those!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I would call as well, but make it sound like it isn't their fault.

"Hi Karen! I'm just calling because we haven't recieved a response for the wedding yet. I know things get lost in the mail! We're trying to give a number to our caterer ASAP, and we really hope you and John can make it. Let us know!"

That's how I'd do it anyway.

Kati0105

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-tracking-down-rsvps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0aad1c78-2768-481c-9677-53a4ba6af1b2Post:9323f6fa-a3fe-48be-a91f-00dd89a2abdf">Re: Wording for tracking down RSVP's</a>:
[QUOTE]Definitely call and I would give them a few more days if your RSVP date was only yesterday.
Posted by Pink7781[/QUOTE]

Yeah I'd give them another few days for sure.  We received a lot of them within a week after the deadline (which meant less phone calls, yay).

Kristin789

Your bio says your wedding isn't until May 21.

So your guests are thinking that they have until April 30 (3 weeks before) to RSVP.  (See below for the traditional timeline that most weddings follow even today.)

So you really shouldn't hop on the phone right now, since your RSVP date was much earlier than anyone would expect.

Q.How far in advance should you send invitations? What is the proper date to ask for the reply card?
A. Invitations should go out six weeks before the wedding -- that gives guests plenty of time to clear their schedules for the day and make travel arrangements if they are out-of-towners. It also lets you make the RSVP date a little earlier -- say three weeks before the wedding date -- so you can get a final head count and start making a seating chart (if you'll have one) before the final-week-before-the-wedding crunch begins.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-tracking-down-rsvps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0aad1c78-2768-481c-9677-53a4ba6af1b2Post:3ac125bf-bd51-4899-9bc1-0696ee571485">Re: Wording for tracking down RSVP's</a>:
[QUOTE]Your bio says your wedding isn't until May 21. So your guests are thinking that they have until April 30 (3 weeks before) to RSVP.  (See below for the traditional timeline that most weddings follow even today.) So you really shouldn't hop on the phone right now, since your RSVP date was much earlier than anyone would expect. Q. How far in advance should you send invitations? What is the proper date to ask for the reply card? A. Invitations should go out six weeks before the wedding -- that gives guests plenty of time to clear their schedules for the day and make travel arrangements if they are out-of-towners. It also lets you make the RSVP date a little earlier -- say three weeks before the wedding date -- so you can get a final head count and start making a seating chart (if you'll have one) before the final-week-before-the-wedding crunch begins.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Her guests are probably thinking they have until the date on her RSVP cards.  Since that's what the cards say. 

shellydiane820

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-tracking-down-rsvps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0aad1c78-2768-481c-9677-53a4ba6af1b2Post:3ac125bf-bd51-4899-9bc1-0696ee571485">Re: Wording for tracking down RSVP's</a>:
[QUOTE]Your bio says your wedding isn't until May 21. So your guests are thinking that they have until April 30 (3 weeks before) to RSVP.  (See below for the traditional timeline that most weddings follow even today.) So you really shouldn't hop on the phone right now, since your RSVP date was much earlier than anyone would expect. Q. How far in advance should you send invitations? What is the proper date to ask for the reply card? A. Invitations should go out six weeks before the wedding -- that gives guests plenty of time to clear their schedules for the day and make travel arrangements if they are out-of-towners. It also lets you make the RSVP date a little earlier -- say three weeks before the wedding date -- so you can get a final head count and start making a seating chart (if you'll have one) before the final-week-before-the-wedding crunch begins.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]


If her RSVPs said a certain date, they don't think they have until another date. 

shellydiane820

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-tracking-down-rsvps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0aad1c78-2768-481c-9677-53a4ba6af1b2Post:44b90d97-2883-4613-adb1-afdc6cc95e07">Re: Wording for tracking down RSVP's</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Wording for tracking down RSVP's : Her guests are probably thinking they have until the date on her RSVP cards.  Since that's what the cards say. 
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

eye to eye my friend, eye to eye.

ashmy211

squirrly and shelly - thank you, you read my mind too, I was just about to type the same thing!

allisong23

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-tracking-down-rsvps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0aad1c78-2768-481c-9677-53a4ba6af1b2Post:3ac125bf-bd51-4899-9bc1-0696ee571485">Re: Wording for tracking down RSVP's</a>:
[QUOTE]Your bio says your wedding isn't until May 21. So your guests are thinking that they have until April 30 (3 weeks before) to RSVP.  (See below for the traditional timeline that most weddings follow even today.) So you really shouldn't hop on the phone right now, since your RSVP date was much earlier than anyone would expect. Q. How far in advance should you send invitations? What is the proper date to ask for the reply card? A. Invitations should go out six weeks before the wedding -- that gives guests plenty of time to clear their schedules for the day and make travel arrangements if they are out-of-towners. It also lets you make the RSVP date a little earlier -- say three weeks before the wedding date -- so you can get a final head count and start making a seating chart (if you'll have one) before the final-week-before-the-wedding crunch begins.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Yeah, as a guest I would always go by the RSVP date, even if it is not three weeks before. Not everyone know/thinks it is three weeks.

SaraAndrew2010

I agree that guests should not assume that they can wait until 3 weeks before to RSVP if the response cards says otherwise.  However, I can also see how a guest could remember that the wedding is May 21, not RSVP right away, and forget when the RSVP date was because they were expecting it to be closer to the wedding. 

Kristin789

>> Not everyone know/thinks it is three weeks.

The wedding invitation timeline has always had a 3-week RSVP timeline.  It's only been in the last couple of years, maybe the last five years, that venues and caterers have tried to jack naive brides into turning in numbers WAY earlier than necessary.

I host 5 wedding-size events, held in wedding venues like big hotels and country clubs, each year.  And I hear horror stories about how the venue's sales representatives are trying to manipulate brides for extra stuff to meet the sales quotas.

The venue needs a "soft number" about two weeks out - that's the number of RSVPs you've received so far + any extras you think you'll get yet.

Then the venue needs a "hard number" about 5-7 days ahead - that's the real number of meals that you are ordering and will be billed for.

I was trying to say that brides need to learn the ways in which these big events are done, so that you don't get manipulated into difficult things by a savvy sales director who does this sort of thing all the time.

opalsky007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-tracking-down-rsvps?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0aad1c78-2768-481c-9677-53a4ba6af1b2Post:7ee94cbe-8c25-4103-ae02-9c1ff657127e">Re: Wording for tracking down RSVP's</a>:
[QUOTE] />> Not everyone know/thinks it is three weeks. <strong>The wedding invitation timeline has always had a 3-week RSVP timeline.</strong>  It's only been in the last couple of years, maybe the last five years, that venues and caterers have tried to jack naive brides into turning in numbers WAY earlier than necessary. I host 5 wedding-size events, held in wedding venues like big hotels and country clubs, each year.  And I hear horror stories about how the venue's sales representatives are trying to manipulate brides for extra stuff to meet the sales quotas. The venue needs a "soft number" about two weeks out - that's the number of RSVPs you've received so far + any extras you think you'll get yet. Then the venue needs a "hard number" about 5-7 days ahead - that's the real number of meals that you are ordering and will be billed for. I was trying to say that brides need to learn the ways in which these big events are done, so that you don't get manipulated into difficult things by a savvy sales director who does this sort of thing all the time.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

Yeah, so venues make up artificial deadlines. So what? The three weeks that it has "always been" (What does that mean? Always since dinosaurs? Always since Crane's started printing invitations? Always since Emily Post?) is also an artificial deadline.

There's no hard and fast reason for it to be three weeks. Nor does three weeks always make sense. Three weeks before my wedding was Christmas Eve. So I set an RSVP deadline for 4 weeks out.

smallsmp8

Thanks Ladies for your help!

Kristin: That's great that you know how things should be, but I need a number to buy alcohol (not through our venue) and write the place cards as well as make a seating chart and I didn't think 37 days before the wedding as an RSVP date was too much to ask for.

polichik

Your RSVP date is fine. Kristen.... Well, she's helpful sometimes, but other times...

sucrets4

Wait, mail is not instantaneously transported??

Oh no.

krmabojo

I would wait two more days (sometimes mail gets lost or the may have sent it the day before the due daye). But call them instead of writing them.

ashmarie22

"The venue needs a "soft number" about two weeks out - that's the number of RSVPs you've received so far + any extras you think you'll get yet.

Then the venue needs a "hard number" about 5-7 days ahead - that's the real number of meals that you are ordering and will be billed for."


My reception location needs neither a soft number or a hard number 5-7 days out. 3 days before I let them know. Hmmm, it seems like it's possible things vary from place to place......
I'd say give them a few more days, then make a polite phone call.

Future Mrs. Lindstrom

My MIL & SIL's did the calling for me as the RSVP cards went to their home (I don't trust my apartment not to loose mail!) but a phone call is better then an email.