Wedding Etiquette Forum
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confused about kids

Hi,
I know I posted similarly before, but my delema has changed a little.
My FMIL asked my FH to request a no kids wedding because she wants to invite some of her old lifelong friends of hers and we don't have the room for them at our small ceramony site.

He and I both realize that most of our friends cannot come unless they bring their kids because we are in our late 20s and all of our friends have kids and are traveling from out of town.  If they don't bring their kids, they don't come. I know offering babysitters are okay, but our ceremony site offers no place for kids to be babysat.  Almost half of my wedding party includes kids, so I didn't want to have to exclude any other kids from the wedding.  Now, I am thinking I need to hire a few people to watch kids, and offer babysitting because my FH's half of the list is about 1/3 kids, and mine has 4-5 that are not a part of the wedding. 
So, I guess my question is more of a personal one.  My church is down the street from my ceremony site, and there would be room there to house children for babysitting. My church is also the reception site.  How would you feel as a mom dropping off your kids at one site, going to the wedding, and coming back down the street to the recption and to pick up your kids after the ceremony.  Would you feel comfortable leaving them, where you can't get to them immediatly if something is wrong...even if you are just down the street....and if this is the case, can we ask people to turn their cell phones to no sound or vibrate so they are not inturrupting the wedding but there is contact availible incase it is needed? Maybe offer a link between the usher and the babysitters so if anything goes wrong the usher can notify the parents?  The biggest problem I have with this is that none of the people I will have at my wedding will probably know whoever I have babysitting.  
Please HELP!  Thanks 

I am sorry this is so long!  I just have no idea what to do about this!

Re: confused about kids

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    At my mom's church they have sitters working for the church who watch the kids. Can you ask those people to do it? If the reception is at the church and the sitters will be at the church, I don't see the problem. I think you need to let your guests know that it is adults only (except for the kids involved with the wedding) and let them make the decision to bring their kids or not

    I don't think having the Ushers as the "link" is a good idea. Do you have a DOC that could do that? And it's only for the ceremony part, correct? How long is your ceremony? I think you will be fine.

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    As a mom, it would worry me to drop my son off at a location that is not part of the site when I don't know the babysitter. I'm not sure that I would refuse to do it, but I would not be 100% comfortable with it.

    What type of babysitters are you going to hire? Will they be certified (in life saving techniques like daycare workers) or will it be a teenager that you hire?

    Also, even if you request the phone be put on vibrate, if their phone rings, they will need to step out immediately and it will still disrupt the ceremony.
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    I'm not a mom, but most of my friends that are moms probably would not be comfortable leaving their kids with strangers.  Also, you can't really force them to.  If you invite the kids to the wedding, they're invited.  So if the parents decide not to use the babysitter, even at the last minute, there you are stuck with those kids.

    Who is paying for the wedding?  If your FMIL isn't paying for the reception, in my opinion, I think you guys just need to tell her no.  I mean it's your wedding.  It's more important for your friends to be there than for hers.  That's common sense.
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    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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    DH and I opted not to invited children to our wedding as there would have been 20 some odd kids between our two families. I did offer to pay for certified babysitters (multiple) to be on site. They were my students I have known for 4 years. You could hire the most qualified sitters and parents would still be nervous to leave their children with strangers. Of the 20 kids only 1 mom brought her children and used my sitters.

    In the end, all of our friends and family who wanted to be there came. They made their own arrangements for sitters.

    Also - do you want the children to be there? Do you feel strongly about inviting FMIL's lifelong friends? I think you need to consider this before worrying about babysitters.
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    If I still had small children, I would NOT feel comfortable leaving tham with perfect strangers (however well vetted and qualified by the bride and groom) off site. No way, no how. If I were in this situation, my FI and I would have to sit down with his mother and explain to her that her old lifelong friends simply cannot be accomodated. As long as you are in agreement on this and present a united front, that is.

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    thanks you guys!  I had a feeling "as moms" that is what you would say.  My wedding site only accommodates 120 people...that is max to fire code, including wedding party.  Most of the people I am inviting are family, and most of the people my fi is inviting are his friends.  I was shocked that out of his 60 people, about 1/3 of them were kids.  I guess most of his friends have 3+kids...and if we don't accomodate, many of our friends cannot come, because it means traveling upwards of 10 hours to get to our location by car, and they can't just leave their kids with their own babysitter for the day.  I am a teacher, so kids are a huge part of my life.  I want them there, I guess I am just getting a little overwhelmed with how many he is inviting...I put the officiant and any mutual friends on my side so he can invited as many people as he wants, heck, my mom can't even bring a date without putting us over fire code, but holy cow 20 kids just in his side alone?  I think what I really need to do is ask him to trim his list where he can, or tell his mom to deal with it.  Ironically, this wedding venue was his idea/ first choice.  Thanks again.
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    I don't leave my kids with strangers.

    That being said, I have no desire to bring my kids to a wedding at their current ages.  I would leave them with a trusted family member at home or decline the invitation.
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    Kate ~ Mommy to Matthew 3/29/07 & Kylie 12/30/08 & Chase 3/31/11
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