NWR: birthday party ideas, help me out.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

So, long story short, yesterday I got an invitation to a friend's b-day party. The tickets to get into the venue will be $15, plus we buy our own food and drinks AND she's collecting money for tsunami relief. I kind of got pissy about it because H and I usually host at least SOMETHING for our own parties. But i'm also a judgemental biitch.

Which brings me to the fact that our birthdays are next month and 15 days apart, so we want to do a casual joint cocktail party w/ friends at a restaurant near our house with a private second floor area. If you were me, which of the following would you do:

Snippylynn

I'm going to be cray cray and say that I think you should do whatever the hell you can afford.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Yeah, that's the other thing. I, uh, had a wedding 6 months ago and I'm going to Vegas memorial day weekend. So I don't want this party to cost an arm and a leg.

It might also depend on the number of people we have. 10? I might surprise them with a round of beer. 30? Maybe not so much.

JadziaDax

I chose just hosting the food platters. I don't think it's necessary to pay for drinks.

bmoruzzi

I chose the free beer and app/dessert combo.  I think that is very generous of you.

Beachy730

I said just the food platters.  I think it depends on how formal you want it to be.  If you just said "we wanted to go to his place for our birthdays on this night," then I definitely wouldn't be expecting you to buy my food and drinks.  But if you are sending out invites and doing a lot of planning, I would expect something taken care of, like the food.  

FWIW, friends of ours did this for his birthday last year.  They put out a FB invite just saying they wanted to do dinner and drinks on a certain night, and they would make a reservation for whoever wanted to come.  H and I went, and had no expectations of them paying for anything for us.  While yes they invited us, it was his birthday, and we bought him a lot of drinks.

kgorman307

I think you mean you're just getting everyone together, not expecting gifts, right? If you were expecting gifts, option 1 of hosting everything would be most appropriate. If you aren't expecting gifts, it's totally unnecessary.

I chose option 2: I would host the food if you are able to swing it, but I don't think it's necessary. When I go out for a birthday dinner for a friend, I assume to pay my way.

Cony&Ben

I think it would be fine if you just hosted the food platters. When my friends go to a restaurant for someone's birthday dinner, we usually pay for our own food and drinks. If we hang out at the person's home before or after dinner, they usually host drinks, dessert, snacks, etc.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-birthday-party-ideas-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0bae2426-dd3d-466c-8ec3-64f5fa865762Post:d6902c3f-5a2b-4da2-a6f9-20e141ad5ecd">Re: NWR: birthday party ideas, help me out.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you mean you're just getting everyone together, not expecting gifts, right? If you were expecting gifts, option 1 of hosting everything would be most appropriate. If you aren't expecting gifts, it's totally unnecessary. I chose option 2: I would host the food if you are able to swing it, but I don't think it's necessary. When I go out for a birthday dinner for a friend, I assume to pay my way.
Posted by kgorman307[/QUOTE]


Oh no, I wouldn't expect gifts. It's not a milestone birthday for either of us, and if anything people might just bring a bottle of wine or something you'd bring for a hostess gift. It's mostly just getting people together to go out. For example, past parties we've had included beer at a beer garden on a Sunday afternoon and a karaoke party were we bought a bottle of liquor w/ mixers, some beer, some cake and a fruit platter.

Brandiewine11

I would host just appetizer/finger foods and give folks a couple of drink tickets. We have been to many parties like this and they've all be great. There was something to munch on, a drink or two and it was plenty. I would even skip the desert. Could you just get cupcakes or a cookie cake or something cheap? That what my friends usually do. 

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-birthday-party-ideas-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0bae2426-dd3d-466c-8ec3-64f5fa865762Post:673f56f0-58d5-4a85-8dcb-e9f41021fe39">Re: NWR: birthday party ideas, help me out.</a>:
[QUOTE]I would host just appetizer/finger foods and give folks a couple of drink tickets. We have been to many parties like this and they've all be great. There was something to munch on, a drink or two and it was plenty. I would even skip the desert. Could you just get cupcakes or a cookie cake or something cheap? That what my friends usually do. 
Posted by Brandiewine11[/QUOTE]

There's a separate fee to bring in a cake or something on your own, or you can pay $50 for a dessert tray, so I'd have to work out how many that serves and what we'd prefer.

tayylor65

I think if you decide to formally host, by paying, anything you're being extremely generous.  If you can afford to cover the platter and/or drinks then go for it I'm sure all of your friends would love it and appreciate it!  If not, IMO birthdays are just a great excuse to get friends together for awhile (I never expect gifts though, of course).  Most birthdays that are at a bar/restaurant I go to we all pay for ourselves and actually don't LET the birthday person pay for anything.  Maybe this is just our circle though.