Wedding Etiquette Forum

Can I make them schlep across the cities?

We're getting married at my church next October, and we're trying to decide on a reception venue. We thought we found the perfect site: a ski lodge that we visit often in the winter.

It's affordable.
It's beautiful.
It's relevant to us.
It's 45 minutes from the church.

Is that asking too much of our guests? It's not that far from where we live, but it's still a bit of a drive. We'll have a few out-of-town guests who could probably stay at a hotel halfway between the two locations, but most guests will be driving from home (either near the church or way out past it). The ride home from the reception could take over an hour for many--maybe closer to two for some.
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Re: Can I make them schlep across the cities?

  • That's pushing it.  How many miles is that 45 minutes?
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  • That's asking too much.
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  • Too far. Why don't you get married at the lodge?
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  • What Ski Lodge are we talking about here? Kimball?
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  • I wouldn't feel comfortable having my guests drive 45 min+ home at night after our reception.  I think driving to a ceremony is one thing (when people aren't tired and haven't been drinking), but I'm not a fan of this.
  • ExpatPumpkinExpatPumpkin member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited October 2010
    I'm very partial to ski lodges...  Could you get married there instead of your church?  Or marry at a "sister chuch" near the lodge with your pastor officiating?
  • It's not terrible, but I would try for something closer to the ceremony venue.
  • Having to drive more than hour (and closer to two hours for some) to get home from the reception is too far, imo. 
  • 45 minutes is too far.

    We had to drive over an hour to my cousin's ceremony site (because it was pretty, apparently- which it was, being on the side of a mountain and all, but still), then we got lost coming the hour back to the reception, which was at her mom's and they served sandwiches and Chex Mix.

    Don't do it.

  • I think that is too far.  I think the max that I think is acceptable is about 30 mins, including traffic.  45 isn't THAT bad, but the 1-2 hour drive home for people is what pushed it for me.  If that is only for a few guests, again, not that bad.  But if it is 1-2 hours for hte majority of your guests, I'd find a new reception hall.
  • edited October 2010
    Afton Alps is my reception site!  Maybe I can help you find a closer church, I grew up 10 minutes away from there,  Which church are you looking at?  
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  • Also, I understand why you are asking, the ski resort is in the middle of no where.  OP, you may want to look into a shuttle to maybe run between the park and ride by the Bungalow and Alps because for some that drive may be a little scary.  The roads are really curvy.  Also do you have a hotel block?
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  • I think about 20 minutes is the reasonable max, but I also think you have to weigh the quality of the reception at the ski lodge vs at a venue within 20 minutes of the church.  If you can have twice the reception there, then the extra 25 minutes of driving bother me less.

    As for how far your guests have to drive home, a lot of our guests were from about 60 - 90 minutes away from our wedding venue (same for ceremony & reception).  All but two (that I know of) opted to stay at the hotel after the wedding so that they could enjoy the open bar and drive home the next day feeling safe.  Obviously you know your guests best, but don't discount that some of them might opt for the hotel as well. 

    All in all, I'm no help.
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  • Liberty, it sounds liek the church is non-negotiable as it is her childhood church.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-schlep-across-cities?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0ca914ae-9f50-42fd-828e-74548d8e09a1Post:7dafe8d6-6c8c-4600-8fbd-139de36286c1">Re: Can I make them schlep across the cities?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Liberty, it sounds liek the church is non-negotiable as it is her childhood church.
    Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah, that probably is the case.  I wonder where the church is?  There aren't many decent places in that part of the cities for receptions, especially if you have a bigger one.  And then when you look at prices it narrows it down considerably...</div>
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  • How about getting a bus to take the family and friends from the ski lodge to the church and back?  This way they can leave their cars in a central place and not have to worry about driving to and from. 
    "Do I look like a killer to you?" "Yes, you kill my patience." -Castle
  • Speaking from experience, my cousin's wedding was at this big mansion in BFE Georgia.  It was about 30 minutes of mostly dark back roads from the hotel.  I think I had one drink because I knew what I had to drive back through.  It was beautiful, yes, but really friggin' annoying.  Her wedding was one of the reasons I decided to have my reception at a hotel.
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  • I think your location plays a big part.  if you live in a city, driving 45 minutes is unacceptable.  Because you could have easily found something with better proximity.  If you're out in the sticks though, and your only choices are a rec room five minutes from the church, or a nice hotel ballroom with great service and outstanding food 40 minutes away in a more urban area, I think people will be more understanding.   Driving the extra time will be "worth it" for the guests, and they will get that there werent a whole lot of close options.    Its not ideal of course, but I dont think its a horrendous thing. 



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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-schlep-across-cities?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0ca914ae-9f50-42fd-828e-74548d8e09a1Post:9ade621d-8316-450f-b96d-252c442e935e">Re: Can I make them schlep across the cities?</a>:
    [QUOTE]These are all really good considerations! The church is in Burnsville, if anyone has any (affordable) suggestions. :) We haven't even toured Afton yet--we loved the idea, but once we realized the distance from the church, we were crestfallen. After reading more responses, I tried to make a list of driving times. It looks like it would take most guests about 45-50 minutes to get home (excluding the out of towners). It's closer to 1-2 hours for our coworkers and some of his family. It's sounding pretty unreasonable. Plus, I realized that for his extended family, they'd have to drive 45 minutes to the church, 45 minutes to the reception, and then about 50 minutes home in a nice big triangle. Even though it's broken up into three trips, that's probably too much. I want them to still like me!
    Posted by kate5all[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>If the church is in Burnsville, then yes that is too far...   I mean, that is having to drive through the entire cities.  I would either give up the church if you are set on Afton Alps or give up the reception hall.  The MSP board will probably be able to help with alternatives.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-schlep-across-cities?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0ca914ae-9f50-42fd-828e-74548d8e09a1Post:d0be67f6-9135-472f-a3c7-a624f8626198">Re: Can I make them schlep across the cities?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I make them schlep across the cities? : Haha Yeah I thought the same thing.  We are used to it.  Living in NJ, NYC, or Conn you can't get anywhere in less than 45 mins.  Hell my commute is almost two hours one way each day.  45 mins is a breeze compared to that. 
    Posted by JerseyML[/QUOTE]

    Yeah exactly. I live in CT (on the NY border) and it hardly phases me to drive to the cape, newport, block island, long beach island or into Boston/NYC for a wedding. Most of that is HOURS.

    Heck, getting from exit 17 to exit 9 on I95 regularly takes 45 minutes.
  • OP - Is the lodge actually a lodge lodge (as in you can sleep there), or is it just an event-type building?  I guess I should've clarified that driving time doesn't much bother me except for AFTER the reception, when it's dark and alcohol has been involved.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-schlep-across-cities?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0ca914ae-9f50-42fd-828e-74548d8e09a1Post:9ade621d-8316-450f-b96d-252c442e935e">Re: Can I make them schlep across the cities?</a>:
    [QUOTE]These are all really good considerations! The church is in Burnsville, if anyone has any (affordable) suggestions. :) We haven't even toured Afton yet--we loved the idea, but once we realized the distance from the church, we were crestfallen. After reading more responses, I tried to make a list of driving times. It looks like it would take most guests about 45-50 minutes to get home (excluding the out of towners). It's closer to 1-2 hours for our coworkers and some of his family. It's sounding pretty unreasonable. <strong>Plus, I realized that for his extended family, they'd have to drive 45 minutes to the church, 45 minutes to the reception, and then about 50 minutes home in a nice big triangle. Even though it's broken up into three trips, that's probably too much. I want them to still like me!</strong>
    Posted by kate5all[/QUOTE]
    Yeah, that would be a deal breaker for me lol.
    If I lived near the church or the reception site it wouldn't be as bad... just 45 minutes one way and then back again.
    But if you take traffic into consideration, those members of his extended family will spend almost as much time driving that day as they will actually at the reception lol.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-schlep-across-cities?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0ca914ae-9f50-42fd-828e-74548d8e09a1Post:d0be67f6-9135-472f-a3c7-a624f8626198">Re: Can I make them schlep across the cities?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I make them schlep across the cities? : Haha Yeah I thought the same thing.  We are used to it.  Living in NJ, NYC, or Conn you can't get anywhere in less than 45 mins.  Hell my commute is almost two hours one way each day.  45 mins is a breeze compared to that. 
    Posted by JerseyML[/QUOTE]
    I had the same thought.  I give myself a minimum of 1/2 hour to get to even the closest courthouse because of traffic.  I've been known to travel 2+ hours to get to court at 9 a.m. for a half hour hearing & then head back again.  I give myself at least an hour to get into the city from NJ to hang out with friends, no matter whether they're on the UWS or Brooklyn.  With traffic in these parts, 45 minutes could be 10 miles.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-schlep-across-cities?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:0ca914ae-9f50-42fd-828e-74548d8e09a1Post:e385ed61-a0ff-485a-94f8-3e088c015342">Re: Can I make them schlep across the cities?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I make them schlep across the cities? : Yeah exactly. I live in CT (on the NY border) and it hardly phases me to drive to the cape, newport, block island, long beach island or into Boston/NYC for a wedding. Most of that is HOURS. <strong>Heck, getting from exit 17 to exit 9 on I95 regularly takes 45 minutes.
    </strong>Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

    Is that the New Haven section!?!  I hate it!  Took us almost 11 hours to drive from Boston to Delaware two weeks ago.  THREE FRIGGIN HOURS TO GO AROUND NYC!
  • What about that circle of a highway that goes around DC?  That's torture.
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-schlep-across-cities?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:0ca914ae-9f50-42fd-828e-74548d8e09a1Post:5a57d9ce-f38a-4225-9387-707bf9f31458">Re: Can I make them schlep across the cities?</a>:
    [QUOTE]What about that circle of a highway that goes around DC?  That's torture.
    Posted by LD1970[/QUOTE]

    When your commute include the NJ Turnpike, Staten Island Expressway, Gowanes and the BQE..then come talk to me about torture..hahaha
    "Do I look like a killer to you?" "Yes, you kill my patience." -Castle
  • Granted, I hardly ever drove when I lived in NYC. But DC traffic is horrid. I live so close, yet so far away...took me an hour to get to Alexandria from Georgetown! I think it's like 10 miles.
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  • LOL, it frequently does.  I'm a lawyer living in NJ & admitted in both states.  Family Court in Queens is the last stop on the F train, then walk forever.... or give yourself 2.5 hours to drive there.

    Heck of a choice, huh?
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • OP- can you get a good discounted rate for rooms at the reception hall? That might make it easier for guests if they can get a room where the reception is.
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  • I'm getting married in Burnsville, and my reception is at the Holiday Inn in Lakeville.  I find it to be a lovely venue.  If you're looking for a "ski" theme, try Buck Hill- they do wedding receptions. Not as nice as Afton, but I actually looked into it, and it looks kind of pretty all lit up.  There's tons of golf courses in the area, too. 

    I agree with most posters... I think you'll have slim pickin's at the reception since its pretty far away, and if theres drinks involved, people problably won't want to drive out of Afton-  so windy and out in the boonies.  Good luck, tho!
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